Chapter 11. Interpersonal Conflict. What words do you think of when you hear “conflict”?. Conflict. An expressed struggle between interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals. Points about Conflict.
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Chapter 11 Interpersonal Conflict
What words do you think of when you hear “conflict”?
Conflict • An expressed struggle between interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals.
Points about Conflict • is an expressed struggle • occurs between interdependent parties • is about goals the parties see as incompatible • arises over perceived scarce resources • includes interference from other person
Characteristics of Interpersonal Conflict • is natural • has content, relational, and procedural dimensions (rules) • can be direct or indirect • can be harmful • can be beneficial
Common Sources of Conflict • Personal criticisms • Finances • Household chores • Children • Employment • In-laws • Sex • Holidays • Vacations • Spending time in general • Meta-communication • Researcher: Larry Erbert • Married Couples
Sex & Gender Affect Conflict • Passive Aggression • Less direct tactic of hiding aggression in seemingly innocent behaviors • Women more likely to use this strategy • Demand-Withdraw Pattern • Usually the woman makes a demand and the man withdraws • Men more likely to disengage
Online Conflict • Disinhibition • Removal of constraints • Doing something in online environment we wouldn’t do in other situations • “dis” means “apart” or “away” • Strategy • Don’t respond immediately • Clarify any misunderstandings • Put yourself in their shoes • Use emoticons to express tone, if appropriate
Power: • The ability to manipulate, influence, or control other people or events.
Characteristics of Power • Depends on context/situation • Is always present • Symmetrical relationship = fairly equal power • Complementary rel. = unequal power • Influences Communication • One-up message—expresses dominance • One-down message—expresses submission • One-across message—neutral • Can be positive or negative
Types of Power (French & Raven) • Reward • One person can reward another • Coercive • Ability to punish another • Referent • Based on liking, admiration, or attraction • Legitimate • Status or position gives a person rights • Represent an institution • Expert • We perceive the person to be an expert
Types of Conflict (not in text) • Pseudo • Someone thinks there is conflict when there really isn’t • Ego • We are emotionally invested in the decision • Value • People have different ideas about right and wrong • Content • People disagree over matters of fact, information, or an issue
Problematic Behaviors during Conflict • Criticism • Complaints about someone else • Gunnysacking—save all arguments and let them all out at once • Contempt • Insult someone and attack their self-worth • Defensiveness • View yourself as a victim and deny responsibility for your behaviors • Stonewalling • Withdraw from a conversation
P e r s o n a l G o a l s Win-Lose Win-Win I Win Some-You Win Some Lose-Lose Lose-Win Relational Goals
Passive, Aggressive, Assertive • Passive • Don’t try to satisfy own concerns • Aggressive • Openly express needs, wants, ideas even if doing so hurts others • Assertive • Communicate honestly, clearly, directly; stand up for what he/she believes without harming others or self
Assertive Behavior Avoid Hemming/Hawing Own Feelings Maintain Firm, Pleasant Voice Speak Clearly Specify Behaviors Avoid Confrontational Language Maintain Eye Contact