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Learn about Emotional Intelligence (EI), its importance, and how to improve it. Explore the five competencies of EI and discover tools and strategies to enhance your emotional intelligence in the workplace.
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“Emotions can get in the way or get you on the way.” (Mavis Mazura) Michelle Pearson & David NessStudent Counselling Centre
Outline Our goals today are: • To learn what Emotional Intelligence (EI) is and when it is helpful; • Compare EI to IQ; • Learn ways to improve EI; • Learn about Identifying Others Emotions.
Definition of EI • There are many definitions of emotional intelligence (also knows as emotional quotient or EQ) but we will use a basic definition: EI is your ability to monitor your own feelings and the emotions of others to distinguish between and label different emotions correctly. It also refers to your ability to use emotional information to guide your thinking and behaviour and to influence that of others (Goleman, 1995; Mayer & Salovey, 1990).
Examples of when we use our EI: • When we empathize with co-workers; • When we have deep conversations about our relationship with our spouse or significant other; • When we attempt to manage the unruly behaviour of children, friends or others. • When we approach others to offer support. It is what allows us to connect with others, understand ourselves better and live a more authentic, healthy and happy life.
5 Emotional Intelligence Competencies (Daniel Golemann) 1. Self Awareness: This is the ability to know your own emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives and values and how you use this knowledge to guide your decision making.
5 Emotional Intelligence Competencies (Daniel Golemann) • Self Awareness • Self Regulation: this involves controlling or re-directing your disruptive emotions or impulses so you can adapt to your situation.
5 Emotional Intelligence Competencies (Daniel Golemann) • Self Awareness • Self Regulation • Social Skills: developing skills to manage relationships.
5 Emotional Intelligence Competencies (Daniel Golemann) • Self Awareness • Self Regulation • Social Skills • Empathy: being aware of and considering other people’s feelings, especially when making decisions.
5 Emotional Intelligence Competencies (Daniel Golemann) • Self Awareness • Self Regulation • Social Skills • Empathy • Motivation: being self motivated to achieve.
EI versus IQ • EI is all about identifying emotions (in ourselves and others), relating to others and communicating our feelings. • IQ is cognitive intelligence. This is the term used when we are referring to intelligence level and is most often determined through psychological testing although it is also estimated from achievement (e.g., GPA) and behaviour.
Why Would I want to Develop EI • Being able to understand your emotions is fundamental to understanding what will make you more high functioning and lead you to flourish. • Having strong EI can help you connect with others, boost performance at work, improve communication and help you become more resilient.
IQ of 180. Assures many that he is fine because “my mother had me tested.”
Dr. Sheldon Cooper: An example of the effectiveness of developing EI over 12 years IQ: 180 EI: developing over time Friends: 9 close friends: Leonard, Howard, Raj, Bernadette, Penny, Amy, Steward, Wil, Bert (Stephen Hawking and James Earl Jones like him from a distance). Work: rejuvenated himself by collaborating with wife on super asymmetry and won a Noble Prize. Seen as valuable member of university community and has far less HR visits with Ms. Davis. • Friends: 1- Leonard (Raj and Howard liked Leonard so had to hang out with Sheldon) • Work: often banned from contact with University officials, fundraisers and had frequent visits to HR office for social faux pas’. Needed to give up on string theory and had potential for career burnout.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper: An example of the effectiveness of developing EI over 12 years IQ: 180 EI: Developing over time Romantic Relationships: dated Amy for several years, during break up he realized she was his “heart worm” and went on to marry! Connecting with Others: openly acknowledges feelings are difficult for him; opened himself up to feedback and now able to support others (for ex: created a special Dungeons and Dragons game for the pregnant Bernadette. • Romantic Relationships:No interest; set up by Raj and Howard on dating website as an experiment with Amy Farrah Fowler; “friend who is girl”; two years before held hands. • Connecting with Others: not good; often was asked what’s wrong with that guy? Apparently nothing because his “mother had him tested.”
Tools and Strategies to Improve EI Competency The first 5 are aimed at the work place, as we tend to spend many of our waking hours there. • Observehow you react to others in the work place. Make a concentrated effort to put yourself in their place and commit to being more open and accepting of the perspective and needs of others. Remember that their reality is just as valid as yours. • Take a look at your work behaviors: • Are you seeking attention for your daily accomplishments? • Do you personalize situations or comments that come up during the course of the work day? • Do you feel left out of staff interactions? Engaging in humility can help if distress arises when attention is not forthcoming or you feel you may be personalizing a situation.
Tools and Strategies to Improve EQ Competency 3. Engage in self evaluation to identify areas of needed growth and get an honest picture of yourself. It is okay to not do everything “right” the first time and know there is room to grow. In fact it is expected that you won’t be perfect because no one is. We need to be kind to ourselves when we make mistakes but also consider how we can change moving forward. The words “I’m sorry” can be a great starting place. 4. Examine how you react to stressful situations and work on staying calm, collected and under control. Utilizing relaxation strategies and calming thoughts to help you in this area.
Tools and Strategies to Improve EQ Competency 5. Consider how your actions will affect othersyou work with before putting those actions in place. Put yourself in their shoes to fully understand the consequences of the actions you put into place. What may be a good workplace plan for you may not work for your co-workers, supervisor or the students you are working with in your office. Balance is key. For example: I would like to come to work at 6:00 am and work to 2:00 pm because I am the most energetic, focused and creative in the mornings. How might my plan adversely affect those around me?
Tools and Strategies to Improve EI Competency EI and Mindfulness Mindfulness can be very effective for developing our emotional intelligence. Mindfulness works by enhancing our self awareness and self regulation and has been shown to work extremely well on reducing and eliminating distress when situations are tense. Quieting the mind is one way to make space to recognize our emotions. Some mindfulness apps to try out include: • Headspace • Stop, Breathe, Think • Calm • Breath
Noticing Others Around Us Emotional intelligence demands a focus on others not just self. • How can you tell if a co-worker, supervisor, student you are working with is not fully engaged?
Reading Other People: Don’t Always Rely on the Words • Macro expressions: facial expressions that last ½ a second to 4 seconds. These expressions usually match what the person is saying. • Micro expressions: facial expressions that last 1/15 to 1/25 of a second. These expressions are indicative of the emotion the person may be trying to conceal.
Facial Expressions-7 Basic Emotions Some scientists consider facial expressions to be cross-cultural. Paul Ekman believes all facial expressions are a combination of seven emotions:
Facial Expressions-7 Basic Emotions • Happiness: smiling, but also crinkling at the corner of the eyes;
Facial Expressions-7 Basic Emotions • Sadness: lip lowering into a pout and the eyebrows coming up in a tent like fashion.
Facial Expressions-7 Basic Emotions • Anger: eyebrows down and together, eyelids pushed up. Jaw may tighten, lower jaw may come forward and/or mouth may compress.
Facial Expressions-7 Basic Emotions • Surprise: eyebrows straight up, eyes widen, the mouth may open or the jaw may drop with the lips still open.
Facial Expressions-7 Basic Emotions • Fear: eyes open and eyebrows up but, unlike in surprise corners of the mouth are pulled back.
Facial Expressions-7 Basic Emotions • Disgust: upper lip is raised, the nasolabial furrow more pronounced and the nose may be wrinkled.
Facial Expressions-7 Basic Emotions • Contempt: asymmetrical lip tightening.
What’s my face saying? • Turn to the person on your right. Give them one of these seven faces. Did they identify it correctly?
What’s my face saying? Fear Disgust Contempt Surprise Sadness Anger Happiness
Additional EI Strategies • Get fluent in the language of emotions; identify, differentiate and discuss different but related emotions; • Remind yourself that emotions are useful data. They provide valuable information that can help you see from a new perspective, find the truth, and make better decisions. • Name your emotions and literally say them out loud. Own them as your own and not something that someone else is “making you do or feel”; • Observe your emotions without trying to fix them; there are no bad emotions so recognize and embrace them.
Additional EQ Strategies • Feel your emotions in your physical body (sweaty palms, skipping heart, muscle changes, etc.). It is vital to feel our emotions in order to better understand and regulate them. • Notice the build up of your emotions before you’re “triggered.”This means we should pay attention to the incremental contributors to our big emotions before they become BIG emotions! • Recognize re-occurring patterns so you can change those patterns if they aren’t working for you.
Summary So…….. you may have observed that many of the strategies we have given you boil down to a couple of simple (but not always easy) ideas: • pay attention to your feelings; • try to remain objective and accepting of them; • think about how your actions affect others; • try to notice others’ feelings (both in verbal and non-verbal ways). Emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are.
Some Suggested EI Readings • Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ: Daniel Goleman • Emotional Intelligence: a 21 Day Step by Step Guide to Mastering Social Skills, Improve Your Relationships and Boost your EQ: David Clark • Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking: Malcom Gladwell • Self Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself: Kristen Neff
“Our feelings are not there to be cast out or conquered. They’re there to be engaged and expressed with imagination and intelligence.” T.K,. Coleman
Michelle Pearson Student Counselling Centre umanitoba.ca/student/counselling/ 204-474-6536 Michelle.Pearson@umanitoba.ca David Ness Director, Student Counselling Centre umanitoba.ca/student/counselling/ 204-474-8619 David_Ness@UManitoba.ca
