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Hollywoodian Models of Ph.D. Program Design: Performance Improvement of Academia’s Lowlifes by Joan Lussky jpl26@drexel.edu. RQ1 : Is there a faster way to get them out of here? RQ2 : Is there a better way to get them graduated?. Methods. 1.) How it is done now 2.) What they think
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Hollywoodian Models of Ph.D. Program Design: Performance Improvement of Academia’s LowlifesbyJoan Lusskyjpl26@drexel.edu
RQ1: Is there a faster way to get them out of here? RQ2:Is there a better way to get them graduated?
Methods 1.) How it is done now 2.) What they think 3.) Literature review 4.) Follow-up & drinks
1.) How it is done now • Analysis of current international models. (Research funded by the Katherine T. & L.P. Puppybreath Foundation and viewers like you.)
2.) What they think • Two tiered, convenience sample of current Ph.D. students and recent graduates. (Thanks Linda and Ted.)
3.) Literature review • Careful reading of the relevant literature … • (1999) Calvin and Hobbs • (2002/03)Mutts
4.) Follow-up & drinks • Further analysis, accompanied by wine and chocolate, with soon-to-be out of the country Ph.D. students. (Thanks Linda)
Results • 5 possible models -- ranging in extremes -- require no outlay of moneys -- and in these boring times, who wouldn’t like a bit of change from the routine
“Survivor” Model(really an old model) • Asked excruciatingly detailed questions • Told to perform senseless & tedious tasks • Compete for randomly doled out “rewards” • Isolated from the rest of society Except: • Possibility that not one student will survive!
“Osbournes” model • Lots of profanity • Lots of dog shit • Chaotic • Drawn in by wondering what’s next • In comparison to “Ossie” your Ph.D. progress looks brilliant
“ER” model • Glamorizes a day in the life … -- teaching 3 sections of University 101 -- designing the online class: MARC for baseball -- getting your committee to read, comment upon, & meet with you about version 10.6 of your diss. NOTE: Does NOT include visits to politically unstable third world countries or kidnapped, French boy friends. In fact, this model does not include any friends except those you have miraculously been able to sustain with other Ph.D. students.
“CSI” Model • Glamorizes a day in the life … • work with people who schush their hair and look good in low-cut jeans • endless amount of time and sexy equipment to perform the perfect data analysis • Results of data analysis are always accepted as valid and reliable
“History Detective” Model(CSI Model plus ) • They give you the question to research and respond to your results with“ah”s in all the right places • They pay for all of your expenses • Really fun questions -- Was this bullet extracted from Bonnie or Clyde’s body? -- vs. Can we use NLP to interpret the title page of books?
So what’s it to ya? • What, no MDS? • However, • happier Ph.D. students • could lead to alternate sources of funding and trips to the West coast