Avi Assor Ben-Gurion University of the Negev, Israel

1. The Power of Conditional Parental Regard:How the Experience of Mothers’ Contingent Love Shapes Our Parenting Behavior across Time, Temperament and Communication Channels. Avi Assor Ben-Gurion University of the Negev, Israel The longitudinal study reported in this talk was conducted with Yaniv Kanat-Maymon & Judith Auerbach as a senior collaborators, and with the following members of the BGU research group: Pazit Gabay-Elgy, Moran Cohen-Iluz, Orly weinish-Licht, Dotan Shapira, Carmen Chen & Ohad Ezra. The second study was conducted with Marina Shapira, Dotan Shapira and Gabi Johnson. Thanks also to Guy Roth for his valuable and ever present advice. Parts of the research funded by grants from ISF and BSF

2. “Still today I ask myself… if I did not spend so many days and so many nights, if I did not cover with ink so many pages, if I did not throw into the book market so many books that nobody cared for – only out of the crazy hope to please my grandfather” Jean Paul Sartre: The Words

3. Conditional positive regard (CPR): The provision of more affection, appreciation or attention than usual when children comply with parents' expectations. “My father shows me more affection than he usually does if I do well in school (when I conceal my sadness and do not cry)" Conditional Negative Regard (CNR): The provision of less affection, appreciation or attention than usual when children comply with parents' expectations. "My father shows me less affection than he usually does if I don’t do well in school (when I cry and show that I am sad)". The practice of Conditional parental regard is domain specific. For example, in academic, anger suppression, pro-social domains. CPR is related to CNR, but each has distinct correlates.

4. Positive Views of Parental Conditional Regard: From a behaviorist perspective, conditional regard might represent the contingent administration of reinforcements and punishments, which is expected to improve discrimination between desired and undesired behaviors (Gewirtz & Pelaez-Nogueras, 1991; McDowell, 1988).

5. SDT research-based view of CR: 4 Types of Harmful Effects Harm relationship w parents & others Rigid & low quality functioning (in the domain on which parents’ regard was contingent and in related domains) Parental Conditional Regard (PCR) Introjected internalization of parent’s expectations: Sense of internal compulsion Fragile, unstable & contingent self esteem

6. Missing Evidence in the Study of PCR • Despite clear indications that PCR is associated with maladaptive child and parent functioning there are some important missing links in the study of CR. • Some of these gaps also exist in relation to the larger constructs of parental control and autonomy Support. • This talk will briefly present studies addressing Two missing links: • What disposes parents’ to use PCR and how powerful are those disposing factors ?There is • evidence by Soenens et al & Grolnick & Assor & Roth on Contingent SE. We focus on 2 other factors. • How is PCR communicated? We examine an additional channel called indirect Vicarious PCR which, while powerful is also elusive

7. Parental Conditional Regard Orientation: What do we know on the factors disposing Parents to use PCR with their kids? Based on SDT it is reasonable to assume that certain past experiences, as well as values and self-dynamics, and a certain type of world view may dispose parents to use PCR with their children. In this presentation I focus on two of this disposing factors: - Perception of one parents as using PCR - Extrinsic Values

8. Perception of one parents as using PCR: Intergenerational Transmission Assor, Roth & Deci (2004 ) found inter-generational transmission of PCR. So that mothers describing their own mothers as using PCR were perceived by their daughters using the same PCR practice. Daughter perception of mom as using PCR Mom perception of her mom as using PCR

9. 3 Gaps in the study of the effects of moms’ experience of their own moms as using PCR : 1.Reversed Causality: Having a difficult child may cause parents to use more PCR (& other controls) which they then project retrospectively on their own parents. Retrospective Projection Mom reports PCR from her own mom Mom uses PCR with her child “Difficult Child”

10. Missing evidence in the study of the effects of moms’ experience of their own moms as using PCR : 2.Evidence NOT based on behavior observations: Assessment of PCR-based controlling mom behavior based on only on daughter & mom reports: 3.Mom experience of PCR from own mom may NOT lead to the use of PCR with child when child is “easy”: Only for children who are at least a bit “difficult” - Not low on Frustration Dysregulation ? Mom uses PCR with her child Mom reports PCR from her own mom

11. 3.Mom experience of PCR from own mom may NOT lead to the use of PCR with child when child is “easy”: So perhaps the link disappears for chidlren with an “easy” temperament? Mom uses PCR with her child Mom reports PCR from her own mom

12. A second source of PCR: Extrinsic Values According to SDT we can expect: There is evidence that people who are high on extrinsic values behave in more manipulative and Machiavellian way. But there are no studies directly testing this hypothesis. The present research will attempt to fill this gap Parent adherence to extrinsic values such as status & formal achievements Parent use of Achievement oriented PCR with child to promote child’s & parents status

13. Study 1a – Part of a much larger longitudinal Project 2-4 month before birth 8 month post birth 18 month post birth MOM Perception of own mom as using PCR to promote achievement • MOM • Controlling • Ach - oriented • behavior : • Observed in a LAB • teaching task • - Self - Reported • behavior at HOME MOM Extrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values • CHILD • Frustration • Dysregulation • & “easy” temp. • attributes

14. Study 1a - Method Participants: 142 mothers completed the relevant questionnaires at the three waves; 91 of them also participated in a Lab task assessing Ach oriented controlling behavior. All mothers are in good physical health, no pregnancy complications, and no other children for both partners. Data collection continues, aiming at 180 mothers in the lab task. And 240 completing the wave 3 questionnaire. Study also involves fathers, but mot in the lab. The first session also includes an interview with each partner, responses to vignettes, and other scales. ,.

15. 2-4month before birth: • Expecting mother’s reported experience of her own mom as using PCR to promote achievement(7 items, α = .87): • As a child or adolescent I felt that: • 1. My mom’s love for me depended on me getting good grades. • 2. My mom’s love for me depended on me working hard at school. • 3. Mom thought that if I fail at school this is also her failure

16. 2-4month before birth: Expecting mother’s extrinsic value orientation (Extrinsic values stronger than intrinsic values); 8 items, α = .92): 1. In order to live a life that is good and satisfying it is important to find an occupation that provides status and a nice income, and to that end - interest in one’s work should often be sacrificed 2. In order to live a life that is good and satisfying it is important, first of all, to find interest in what one does, whereas prestige or status are less interesting.

17. 2-4month before birth: • Depressive feelings • Social desirabity • Structured interview and other instruments

18. 8month post birth: Mother report ofChildFrustration Dysregulation; 11 items, α = .82): Child poor capacity to regulate frustration was assessed by the “Distress to Limitations” scale of the Infant Behavior Questionnaire – Revised (IBQ-R, Garstein & Rothbart ,2003). “When my baby wants something and cannot not get it – she/he often gets very angry “. "when something the baby was playing with had to be removed, s/he cry or show distress ofr a long time". “When my baby is put in a place that restrains her/him, she/he very often resists or protests forcefully

19. 8month post birth: Validation ofthescale assessing Child Frustration Dysregulation: The self report scale was validated by correlating it with the arm-restraint procedure of the Lab-Tab (Laboratory Temperament Assessment, Goldsmith & Rothbart, 1996), a widely accepted procedure for assessing infant temperament in the lab. Results showed a significant correlation between the self report scale and the lab assessment, a correlation that does not always appear.

20. Other temp. attributes assessed at 8month post birth: Mother report ofChildpositive affectivity (surgency): When during play, the baby is “thrown” into the air, he often laughs In a “peek a boo” play she often laughs When given a toy she often smiles or laughs

21. 8month post birth: Mother report ofChildApproach Tendency: When you visit a new place, your baby often gets excited by the opportunity to explore a new place When you baby gets a new toy, she immediately tries to grab it and start playing with it

22. 8month post birth: Mother report ofChild Regulatory Capacity: Long Duration of Orienting My baby often looks at a picture or a booklet for more than 5 minutes My baby often plays with a toy or an object for 5 – 10 minutes Enjoying small pleasures: My baby often enjoys being read to My baby often enjoys small rhythmic activities like being rocked

23. 18month post birth: Self reported achievement – oriented PCR behavior at home(10 items, α = .91): 1. To increase my child will to play in games that develop thinking and concentration – I give her a really warm attitude each time she plays with such games. 2. If my child is not willing to listen when I teach her new words – I show her that I’m angry or sad. 3. To make my child pay attention to new words I teach him – I hug him or clap my hands each tine he answers my questions. 4. If my child does not want to concentrate when we play games that develop thinking – I make him feel that I am less proud of him

24. 18month post birth: Observed Controlling achievement-oriented mother behavior in the Lab teaching task Based partly on Grolnick et al (1984) and Whipple, Bernier & Mageau (2010). Procedure: After a 5 minutes worm up free play period including mother and child, the mother is presented with the following instructions: "In this part you are asked to demonstrate and teach ‘Child Name’ how to play with the shape sorter and then how to construct a tower of cubes.” Task duration = 4 minutes

25. Scoring System: Controlling versus Autonomy Supportive Mother Behavior During Teaching Task (15 sec. intervals) • Timing of intervention (e.g., too early versus when there is a need) • Motor behavior (e.g., pushing child‘s hand , moving child forcefully vs. sensitive help[e.g., holding the sorter steady so child can succeed]) • Verbal or affective behaviors (e.g., commands, threats, prohibitions, stern disapproving affect versus gentle suggestions expressed in a pleasant tone) • Perspective taking and empathy in response to child difficulties • (e.g., criticism or impatience versus verbal or nonverbal acknowledgement of difficulty) • 5. Provision of choice (absent versus present). • 6. Feedback following success (e.g., no feedback, or hostile feedback versus positive producr- or effort-focused feedback).

26. Primary Analysis: Predicting mothers’ Ach-oriented control as indicated by lab observations (n=91) 8month post birth 18 month post birth 2-4 month before birth MOTHER Perception of own mom as using Ach-oriented PCR MOTHER Controlling Ach-oriented behavior in LABteaching task β = .21* β = .24* MOTHER Extrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values β = .01 MOTHER Depressive feelings β = .08 • CHILD • Frustration • Dysregulation

27. Secondary Analysis: Predicting mothers’ Ach-oriented control as indicated by mother reports on behavior at home (n=136) 8month post birth 2-4 month before birth 18 month post birth MOTHER Perception of own mom as using Ach-riented PCR β = .25* MOTHER Extrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values β = .20* MOTHER Controlling Ach-oriented behavior at HOME MOTHER Depressive feelings β = .16* • CHILD • Frustration • Dysregulation β = .25*

28. Important Replication across other temperament dimensions: 2-4 month before birth 8month post birth 18 month post birth MOTHER Perception of own mom as using Ach-oriented PCR MOTHER Controlling Ach-oriented behavior in LABteaching task MOTHER Extrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values • CHILD: “Easy” temperament 1”: • (Approach & Positive affect) MOTHER Controlling Ach-oriented behavior at HOME

29. Important Replication across other temperament dimensions: 2-4 month before birth 8month post birth 18 month post birth MOTHER Perception of own mom as using Ach-oriented PCR MOTHER Controlling Ach-oriented behavior in LABteaching task MOTHER Extrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values • CHILD: “Easy” temperament 2”: • (High regulatory capacity) MOTHER Controlling Ach-oriented behavior at HOME

30. Summary of main findings across DV assessment methods: 8month post birth 18 month post birth 2-4 month before birth MOTHER Controlling Ach-oriented behavior in LABteaching task MOTHER Perception of own mom as using Ach-oriented PCR MOTHER Controlling Ach-oriented behavior at HOME MOTHER Extrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values

31. Study 1 - Conclusions • Study 1 indicates that the effect of mothers’ experience of their own moms use of PCR are robust & cannot be ascribed to methodological problems. Specifically, the study show that: • a. The effects mom’s perception of her mom PCR occur also when this variable is assessed prenatally, & hence cannot be ascribed to Reversed causality due to retrospective projection of mom present behavior to her own mother. • PCR-based controlling mother behavior was found also when direct observations were used • The effects of mom’s perception of her mom PCR emerge also when the effects of various child temperament dimensions are considered.

32. Study 1 - Conclusions Perhaps more interestingly, the study suggests that mothers’ pre-natal experience of her own mother use of PCR and her adherence to extrinsic values may constitute early risk factors predicting maladaptive post-natal mother functioning.

33. The larger picture of the longitudinal Study & future directions : 2-4 month before birth 8month post birth 18 month post birth Mastery tasks 42 month post birth Mastery & Free Play 24 month post birth Parental Requests PARENT Pre-natal Conditional Regard (CR) Orientation: Percep. of own parents, values & world view, contingent S.E. PARENT Control (inc. PCR) CHILD Poor coping PARENT Control (inc. PCR) CHILD Introjected response PARENT Control (inc. PCR) CHILD Poor coping • CHILD • Temperament: • Frustration • Dysregulation • CHILD • Temperament: • Frustration • Dysregulation

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35. Study 2 The Multiple Appearances of Parental Conditional Positive Regard: Direct and Vicarious Conditional Regard as Predictors of Labile Self-Esteem Dynamics Marina Shapira, Ezra Ohad, Pazit Gabay-Elegy, Dotan Shapira, & Avi Assor

36. Direct versus vicarious Conditional Regard Following the distinction between learning based on direct reinforcement & learning based on observations of others (social learning), we examine in this study two possible channels through which PCR might be communicated & learnt: Direct Conditional Regard: Parent shows more regard to her/his child following the child’s academic achievement and investment. Vicarious (implied) Conditional Regard: Parent shows increased regard to other children when they invest and achieve academically, which then causes the child to believe that his/her parent would love and value her/him more deeply if they too will achieve.

37. Several studies suggest that direct PCR creates a pressuring, fragile & labile self-evaluative dynamics in children (e.g., Assor & Tal, 2012; Assor et al., 2004; Roth et al 2009): Self aggrandizement after success + + Direct Ach-oriented PCR toward self Introjected Achievement Motivation aimed at securing parental regard + Self devaluation after failure

38. Vicarious CR Involving Siblings We hypothesize that vicarious academic PCR has an additional contribution to introjected motivation (beyond direct PCR) because it makes it even clearer that parent regard depends on achievement. It is also possible that the experience of vicarious CR may create a particularly pressuring introjected achievement motivation when the other person receiving CR due to achievement is one’s sibling. In this situation, children’s need to receive parental regard through their achievements might be enhanced because of concerns with position in the family, intensified experience of relative need deprivation & jealousy issues. And indeed there is evidence that many children are concerned with differential treatment in the family (e.g., Daniels & Plomin, 1985)

39. The figure below depicts our hypothesis concerning the unique contribution of vicarious sibling-oriented PCR to labile self-dynamics (above & beyond direct PCR) : Self aggrandizement after success + + Direct Ach-oriented PCR toward self Vicarious Ach-oriented PCR toward Sibling + Introjected Achievement Motivation aimed at securing parental regard + Self devaluation after failure

40. Two Studies focusing on parental conditional positive regard (PCPR) Study 2a – Vicarious PCPR toward Sibling 140 undergraduate students completed a self report questionnaire assessing the variables of interest. Parental conditional positive regard : “As a child and adolescent I felt that If I succeeded in school, my mother will be more warm and affectionate towards me”. Parental conditional positive regard toward sibling: “As a child and adolescent I felt that my mother appreciated my sister/brother very much because he/she was successful in school.

41. Direct and Vicarious PCPR toward a Sibling as Predictors of Introjected Motivation and Labile Self-Esteem : Self aggrandizement following success PCPR towards self .33* .73*** Introjected motivation .52** PCPR towards sibling Self devaluation following failure .78*** .29* χ2/df = 1.9; IFI=.94 ;CFI = .94; TLI =.9; RMSEA = .07.

42. Study 2: Direct and Vicarious PCPR toward Others in General as Predictors of Labile Self Dynamics PCPR towards self Self aggrandizementfollowing success .40** .82*** Introjected motivation .39** Self devaluation following failure PCPRtowards others in general .28* .87*** χ2/df = 1.48; IFI=.96 ; CFI = .96; TLI =.94, RMSEA = .067.

43. Conclusions: • Our findings suggest that the negative effects of PCPR might be even more widespread than suggested by past research because these effects operate both directly and indirectly through vicarious learning. • Thus, parents who do not use direct PCPR in relation to their child may nevertheless promote negative motivational and self esteem outcomes in their child through vicarious PCPR.

44. Conclusions: • Sibling oriented vicarious PCPR was not found to be more harmful than others oriented vicarious PCPR. Not sure how to interpret this. We need further research on this and the exact dynamics underlying the effects of vicarious PCPR.

45. Possible Implications: • Parents may need to be more aware of the way they demonstrate appreciation of academic achievements within and outside the family. For example, avoid extreme child-aggrandizing reactions,

46. General conclusion • Study 1 indicates that the effect of mothers’ experience of their own moms use of PCR are robust & cannot be ascribed to methodological problems. Specifically, the study show that: • a. The effects mom’s perception of her mom PCR occur also when this variable is assessed prenatally, & hence cannot be ascribed to Reversed causality due to retrospective projection of mom present behavior to her own mother. • PCR-based controlling mother behavior was found also when direct observations were used • The effects of mom’s perception of her mom PCR emerge also when the effects of various child temperament dimensions are considered.

47. General conclusion: The Power & Robustness of CPR The two studies provide evidence for what my be called the power of CPR. We found that expectingmothers’ pre-natal experience of her own mother use of PCR and their adherence to extrinsic values may constitute early risk factors predicting maladaptive post-natal mother functioning. Importantly, these effects cannot be easily ascribed to methodological artifacts, they emerge also when different child temperament factors are considered and they affect mother observed behavior and not only her reports. We also have some evidence that PCR may operate in multiple and sometime elusive ways via indirect vicarious PCR.

48. Study 1 – Possible Implications • - Using the scoring system of controlling versus autonomy supportive behavior and exemplary and harmful behavior videos (subject to participants consent) as teaching tools. • Complements parts missing in to attachment based intervention programs • Results point to the need to address in interventions experiences and relational models based onPCR from parents and value orientation. Without doing so, the teaching of desired parental behaviors may fail.

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