self-control The spirit of Marriage
Self-control Bubble factory worker
How Do You Feel When You Hear The Words ”Self-Control”? • Dread—I don’t even want to think about it. • Excited—I want to learn more about living a self-controlled life. • Confused—I thought we were supposed to be Spirit-controlled. • Condemned—I feel guilty every time I even think about the topic of self-control. • Other
I. Self-Control: Defined • What it Isn't • Imprisonment • Punishment • Depriving Me
I. Self-Control: Defined • Context of Galatians 5:13-26 • Freedom for service (FREEDOM) • Loving your neighbor (SERVICE) • Live by the Spirit • So you do not act out (PROTECTION) • Sinful nature devours: (MATURITY) • Opposite/contrary to Spirit • Sexual immorality-impurity • Idolatry – witchcraft • Hatred, discord, rage, jealousy, dissension, envy, factions • Drunkenness, orgies and the like
Point 1 Self-Control is Freedom- Not Restriction… Personal Responsibility- Not Blame…
Point 2 Living Out of Control- Kills Me…
Can anyone really control you? Self-control
I. Self-Control: Defined • What Can I Control? • My attitude • My behavior • My choices • Letting go of the outcome – I Peter 3:1-2 • What Can’t I Control? • My spouse • Circumstances- Other people….
Point 3 No One Can Control Me…Including My Spouse
We are a World Out of Control Self-control
Self–Control • Sometimes self-control is not about • “what?”… but “how much?” • Not “when?”… but “why?”
Point 4 Self-Control the single most influential character trait impacting our marriages… We’d be best developing it
II. Self-Control Problems in Marriage: A. Excesses • Compulsions & Addictions • Alcohol & Marijuana • Sex • Food • Work • Shopping • Why Are These Harmful? • Because Addictions Replace Relationships
II. Self-Control Problems in Marriage: A. Excesses- 1 Corinthians 6:8-14 8Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers and sisters. 9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men[a]10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 12“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything. 13 You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also.
II. Self-Control Problems in Marriage: A. Excesses- Ephesians 5:8-20 8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord.11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper,rise from the dead,and Christ will shine on you.” 15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
II. Self-Control Problems in Marriage: A. Excesses • Why Are Compulsions & Addictions Harmful in a Marriage? • Because: • They Go Against the Character of a Disciple • They Disrespect the Body • Because Something is Permissible- Doesn’t Make it Beneficial • Addictions Replace Relationships
II. Self-Control Problems in Marriage: B. The Tongue- James 3:3-12 3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. 7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
II. Self-Control Problems in Marriage: B. The Tongue • The Tongue has Great Power • To Steer “Ship” (Relationships) • To Destroy Everything • It Cannot Be Tamed (alone) • It Reflects the Heart • Ask: Are You More Concerned With A Relationship? Or Being Right?
Point 5 Self-Control is Speaking the Truth… in Love
II. Self-Control Problems in Marriage: C. Anger- Ephesians 4:25-27 25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
II. Self-Control Problems in Marriage: C. Anger • Anger is Not a Sin • Anger Can Lead to Sin • I Have Choices • I am Responsible for Me
III. Gaining Self-Control The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. ~Albert Ellis
Point 6 Self-Control Means I Have a Choice… Even to Feel Angry or Not
III. Gaining Self-Control A. Living With Balance … in your life
III. Gaining Self-Control B. Quarter Talk Feelings Facts Wants Judgments
III. Gaining Self-Control C. Constantly Communicate D. Talking Object E. Understand 1st! F. Letting Go of the Outcome G. Avoiding the “Harsh Startup”
III. Gaining Self-Control Over Anger IN A CONFLICT - BE THEBULLFIGHTER & NOT THE BULL! THE BULL IS OUT OF CONTROL! (STIMULUS è RESPONSE) THE BULLFIGHTER is in CONTROL! (STIMULUS è THINK è RESPONSE) …Pause…
III. Gaining Self-Control • You Have “Brakes”… Use Them • Self-Reflect • Do You Value Your Maturity? Faith? Relationship? • Think Moderation
Point 7 Self-Control Will Resolve (or Eliminate) Most of our Marital Problems…