Breaking through the “Cinderella Bias” barrier: Stepfamily relationships

1. Breaking through the “Cinderella Bias” barrier: Stepfamily relationships Celia Falchi, Ian M. Evans & Antonia Lyons Massey University, Wellington

2. Acknowledgements • Ian Evans & Antonia Lyons – Supervisors • New Zealand Families Commission • My Husband • Mum (my stepmum Sera) – My inspiration and role model

3. The Big Question Do positive functioning stepfamilies exist?

4. Because one question is never enough… • How do functioning stepfamilies with good step relationships work around everyday issues of fairness? • What are the most common everyday situations in these families that result in perceptions of unfairness by children and adults? • What resolution strategies are used to resolve their situational issues? • Does fairness, emotions, forgiveness and/or acceptance influence family functioning in these families? • What advice do they have for other stepfamilies when trying to deal with fairness issues?

5. Why is this research important? • It is helpful to know what to aim towards. • It is even more helpful to know how to do this. • What has Positive Psychology got to do with it?

6. What has past research uncovered already? • Not too much • Fairness matters, and children have a very intense fairness radar!

7. Factors that contribute to stepfamily success • All for one and one for all (Banker & Gaertner, 1998) • Spending quality time together and building positive memories (Hutchinson, Afifi, & Krause, 2007) • Fairness, acceptance, and forgiveness (Whiting, Smith, Bamett, & Grafsky, 2007) • Your child is my family too (Michaels, 2006)

8. DO YOU HAVE A HARMONIOUS FUNCTIONING STEPFAMILY? ...WELL MOST OF THE TIME!

9. So who are they?

10. The Family Participants • 40 families (N=155 total family member participants), and consisted of 9 stepparents, 20 biological parents, 47 both a step & biological parent, 79 stepchildren. • Lived together between 2-12 years • The participant families had between 2 - 6 members taking part in the research • This families had between 2 – 8 living in the same household

11. The Task • Family Meeting • Come up with a situation (fairness situation) and a resolution • Have a turn presenting your situation to the rest of the family • After each person’s turn (including your own) put your emotional responses into the booklet • If the situation was unfair did you forgive? Yes or No. If yes, then why? What would you have preferred to have happen or can be done better next time Any advice for other stepfamilies when dealing with fairness issues? • Each family member participant to fill in a Family Assessment Measurement Scale questionnaire (FAM III) (Skinner, Steinhauer, Santa-Barbara, 2005)

12. Analysis

13. Scenarios

15. Resolutions

17. Scenario & Resolutions • “Some children are in the house all the time so do more jobs – others ½ the week so I allocate specific jobs during the week” (Step & Biological Parent, Female, 43). • “At Christmas time Sarah (stepsister) gets more presents than me…John (father) doesn’t see me. That’s how Sarah gets more presents, cause John hasn’t seen me. Mum and Matthew (stepdad) tries to make up for it. (Stepchild, Male, 10). • “ Getting called the worst stepbrother ever by my stepsister then later on gets in trouble for bad language (Stepchild, Male, 11).

18. Family responses Mum Dad Scenario Scenario Scenario Scenario Child 2 • Child 1

19. Fairness

20. Emotions • Emotion ratings were rated for when the situation occurred (pre), and again at the time of the family meeting (post). • The family member participants were able to select any or all of the following emotions: • Happy: Fine: Annoyed: Angry: Sad: Guilty: Nothing: and Acceptance The ratings were from 0 = nothing at all, to 5 = extremely

21. Emotions

22. Forgiveness

23. Why forgiveness • “Because we have all made it better by doing exciting things on the weekend as well as the week” (Stepchild, Female, 12). • “Because it happens a lot of times and we forgive each other…we should try not to moan and groan to each other” (Stepchild, Female, 10). • “Because it was hard to keep up with the birthday party’s” (Stepchild, Male, 12)

24. FAM III

25. Family Role Differences

26. Advice • “Anyone who thinks it is easy being part of a stepfamily has got rocks in their heads. It can get very complicated and needs a lot of understanding between the adults. I think the main thing is to treat everyone as an equal. This can be hard sometimes but it is important” (Step & Biological Parent, Male, 43). • “Communication is very important. Laugher and family time together is helpful too. Mealtimes should be spent together at the table where each family member can tell about their day. It is important to make each family member feel loved and wanted” (Step & Biological Parent, Female, 48). • “Having a stepparent is difficult. Especially when you do not completely get along. You just need to accept that it’s no one’s fault that you are dealt this set of cards, and to just love and accept each other for their roles in the family…be open and honest, because anything that is causing issues may be due to lack of communication” (Stepchild, Male, 15).

27. Any Questions?