BA 8: Sentence Level RevisionDraft 2.2: Revision Researched Argument 4/18/2011
For Today: • BA 8 • Draft 2.2 • Preparation for Next/final Class Draft 2.2 workshop at J & B on Monday the 25th at 6:00pm.
Clarity Group Work: In groups of two: • Turn to page 250. • I will assign each group a pair of sentences. • Follow the instructions for your pair of sentences.
Cohesion and Coherence: • Begin sentences with information familiar to your readers. • End sentences with information that readers cannot anticipate. • Think of cohesion as pairs of sentences fitting together in the way to pieces of a jigsaw puzzle do. • Think of coherence as seeing what all the sentences in a piece of writing add up to .
Cohesion and Coherence: Using the rules of clarity, rewrite this passage for cohesion and coherence: Consistent ideas toward the beginnings of sentences, especially in their subjects, help readers understand what a passage is generally about. A sense of coherence arises when a sequence of topics comprises a narrow set of related ideas. But the context of each sentence is lost by seemingly random shifts of topics. Unfocused, even disorganized paragraphs result when that happens.
Consistent ideas toward the beginnings of sentences, especially in their subjects, help readers understand what a passage is generally about. A sense of coherence arises when a sequence of topics comprises a narrow set of related ideas. But the context of each sentence is lost by seemingly random shifts of topics. Unfocused, even disorganized paragraphs result when that happens. Readers understand what a passage is generally about when they see consistent ideas toward the beginnings of sentences, especially in their subjects. They feel a passage is coherent when they read a sequence of topics that focuses on a narrow set of related ideas. But when topics seem to shift randomly, readers lose the context of each sentence. When that happens, they feel they are reading paragraphs that are unfocused and even disorganized.
Concision: Five Principles of Concision: • Delete words that mean little or nothing. • Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words. • Delete words implied by other words. • Replace a phrase with a word. • Change negatives to affirmatives.
Concision Practice: In groups of two: • Turn to page 274. • I will assign each group a sentence. • Follow the instructions for your sentence.
BA 8: Sentence Level Revision Objective: To practice revising the structure and language of your argument Purpose: After you have written several drafts of an essay, one of the final steps of revision prior to a last proofreading is to look closely at the sentence structure and language you have used to argue on behalf of your claim. This assignment enables you to practice these revisions on a single paragraph before working through the rest of your argument in the same way. Description: To complete this assignment, use the guidelines in Chapter 42 of the online handbookChapter 8 of the textbook to revise one substantial body paragraph (i.e. between 6 – 8 sentences in length) from your 2.1 draft. Consider matters of clarity, cohesion and coherence, concision, and elegance. This includes organization, language, word choice, and grammar and mechanics.You will need to make significant revisions to your original paragraph. Include both the original and the revised paragraphs. You will also need to include 1) a statement of your thesis, so that your instructor knows the context in which these paragraphs were written, and 2) a paragraph evaluating the revisions you have made and their impact on the audience, purpose, and meaning of your draft as a whole.
Use this structure & these labels: Thesis: If you have revised your thesis statement already use the revision. Original: Under the word “Original,” paste your original passage. Your paragraph will be 6 – 8 sentences in length. Revised: Paste your revised passage here. You do not have the option of not revising any of these sentences. Analysis: The comments section should be a substantive paragraph where you thoroughly analyze the revisions you have made and their impact on the audience, purpose, and meaning of your draft as a whole.
Grading Rubric: C1—Focus Does the student thoroughly examine the quality and specificity of the body paragraph? Does the student use this examination to guide his or her revisions to the body paragraph? C3—Sources and Evidence Does the student’s revised paragraph show noticeable improvement? Does the student support his or her critique by directly referring to specific parts of his or her body paragraph? This criterion is particularly important because students tend to use vague and generic language that could apply to any draft. C5—Own Perspective Does the student show authority in relaying his or her perspective about what should be revised in the body paragraph and in justifying the effectiveness of the revisions that he or she has made?
Grading Rubric: C6—Conclusion Does the student provide an accurate evaluative statement about the overall effectiveness of the revisions? Does the student discuss the significance of the revisions her or she has made? C7—Communication How effectively is the revised version of the body paragraph delivered? Does the student communicate his or her critique of the revisions effectively? Has the student organized his or her critique effectively? Are both the revised introduction and the critique relatively free of grammatical errors?
Draft 2.2: (Due Friday, 4/29) Objective: To expand and revise your researched argument. Purpose: A few weeks ago, you composed an initial draft of your classical argument. This assignment enables you to revisit your argument and apply suggestions from your instructors and peers, as well as what you have learned about the language of argument. Description: To complete this assignment, you will expand and revise the first draft of your classical argument, draft 1.1 2.1. Also, if you need additional sources, you may use the TTU library and its databases to locate 1 – 4 others, as needed. Your revisions may include any or all of the following: • Strengthening, narrowing, or expanding your claim • Adding additional data to support your claim • Strengthening your explanation of the theoretical framework of your argument. • Using more precise language to help persuade your reader of your argument’s validity The length of your argument should be 1500-2000 words, not including the Works Cited list. Please use MLA format for in-text citations and your list of works cited.
Grading Rubric: C1—Issue Identification and Focus Has the student focused his or her argument on a narrow topic? Is the essay argumentative rather than informative? C2—Context and Assumptions Has the student considered the contexts of the articles which he or she quotes? Has the student discussed any assumptions which he or she makes about the topic as well as the assumptions which the articles make? C3—Sources and Evidence Has the student presented sources effectively to support his or her points? Does the quality of the sources meet the guidelines specified by the instructor? Has the student cited these sources correctly? Is the Works Cited list formatted correctly? Has the student cited all of the sources listed in the Works Cited? C4—Diverse Perspectives Does the student consider the counterargument fairly and carefully? Do the articles which the student cites in the counterargument support the counterargument and not the argument? Sometimes, students will borrow a summary of the counterargument from a source that they have been using to support their own lines of argument.
Grading Rubric: C5—Own Perspective Has the student clearly stated an arguable thesis statement? Do the lines of argument provide adequate support for this thesis statement, and is it clear how they support it? C6—Conclusion Does the student summarize the main points that he or she has made? Does the conclusion restate the thesis statement in some form (not necessarily in the same words)? How effective is the conclusion rhetorically? C7—Communication Is the essay clearly organized and easy to follow? Can you tell which paragraphs are lines of argument? Is it clear how every paragraph helps to develop the thesis statement? How effective is the student’s writing at the sentence level?
Additional Grading Concerns: • We will be specifically looking to see if you have made ALL of the revisions recommended by the Draft 2.1 grader. • We will also be looking at your BA7 and BA8 to see that you have done more than pasted those revisions into an otherwise unchanged paper. • You must apply the kind of revision that you did for BA7 and BA8 to your entire Draft 2.2. • If your BA7 or BA8 grader recommended any further revisions, make them.
Small Group Work: • Take out the sample Draft 2.1’s you read, graded and printed for today. • In groups of three, please discuss what you observed to be the weaknesses of each paper and agree on a grade.
For the final class on 5/2: • Reading 13 • Finally, don’t forget that we are holding an optional workshop Monday, April 25, from 6-8 p.m. at J&B Coffeehouse, located at 26th and Boston. Print your work.