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Focus on T he Family Q1 Theme MANAGING & RESOLVING CONFLICTS

Focus on T he Family Q1 Theme MANAGING & RESOLVING CONFLICTS. February 23: Marriage Seminar Recap + Q&A. Getting Results. Process (Work/Effort/Follow-up). Event (Starting Point). Outcome (Result). Reminder - The Value of a Vision… .

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Focus on T he Family Q1 Theme MANAGING & RESOLVING CONFLICTS

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  1. Focus on The Family Q1 ThemeMANAGING & RESOLVING CONFLICTS February 23: Marriage Seminar Recap + Q&A

  2. Getting Results Process (Work/Effort/Follow-up) Event (Starting Point) Outcome (Result)

  3. Reminder - The Value of a Vision… • “When two people are together in any endeavor in life, it is only possible for them to remain unified and productive if they both share the same vision and purpose. Therefore, it is of paramount importance that every couple hoping to succeed take the time and energy to get God’s vision for their marriage.” – Jimmy Evans (Marriage Today) • Question: • How many families have taken some time out (at home or elsewhere) to use the materials provided to articulate your Family VISION?

  4. Lessons From Marriage Seminar TRAINING YOU MOUTH FOR MARRIAGE • There is no perfect man/woman • Even if you marry your “soul mate” you still need to work at it to have an healthy marriage

  5. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • Leave & Cleave: Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5…Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. • Cleave: Implies working to hold-on to something you have

  6. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • Words are seed that bear fruits in due season…Proverbs 18:20-21 • 20A man's belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled. • 21Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

  7. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • Words we speak brings a spirit into an environment • You can’t obtain a good result with bad words • If you use words like divorce, you invite the devil (insecurity & mistrust) into your home

  8. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • The law of sowing & reaping… • You reap fruits that are out of proportion to the seeds you sow with words • There is a delay between sowing & reaping…

  9. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • You are building a monument with your words (or prayers) • Words don’t evaporate they accumulate • In the spirit realm, words are NUCLEAR

  10. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • Every word that comes out of your mouth is consequential in a disproportionate way • Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. • Your tongue has a disproportionate influence on the results you get

  11. Lessons From Marriage Seminar I WISH I HAD THEIR MARRIAGE • God’s will is for your marriage to portray His love & promote His kingdom • Make a commitment not to go to bed with anger • Remember who your spouse represents • Wife = helper = Holy Spirit • Husband = head = Christ

  12. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • Matt 6:33 • Stress robs you of the joy of life • It does not matter if you bring money home to an unhappy wife • One person should not dominate the relationship • Success means we are both happy (win-win)

  13. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • Generate fun activities (Fun factor) • Fun is not a luxury…it is a necessity • Great marriages are fun marriages • Keep God at the center of your home/marriage (Faith Factor)

  14. Lessons From Marriage Seminar DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT • It is not “cute” or OK to be quiet in a marriage • Open & honest communication is key to great marriages • Build the bridge of communication • Don’t despise in others what you excuse in yourself…

  15. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • Never dishonor your spouse in front of anybody (public) • Un-forgiveness is not a “bad thing” it is a sin!...Forgive Daily! • Avoid “passive aggressive” behaviors • Your wife does not want “headlines” she wants details/connection

  16. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • Allow your spouse the right to compliant and be honest about his/her feelings • Complain: Telling you how I feel • Criticism: Telling you about you • Create an atmosphere where you can share your hearts openly

  17. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • Validate each other’s feelings • Don’t shame him/her for sharing • Show that it is important to you • There has to be emotional honesty & sensitivity • Say (Right Attitude): • If there is something wrong you can tell me and you won’t have to pay the price

  18. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • The surest way to fail is to try to change the unchangeable! • Respect it! • Understanding each other leads to respect & acceptance • Men hear through the filter of honor & respect • Tone is as important as message!

  19. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • Women hear through the filter of security • She senses your disconnection • Pride creates blame transfer…it says my perspective is better than yours • Humility = Admitting when you are wrong

  20. Lessons From Marriage Seminar SESSION #4 • Any thought you don’t take captive will take you captive • Don’t be your husband’s mother • Remember your spouse at their best and keep that thought in your heart • Verbal abuse is worse than physical • Don’t purposely use your words to inflict hurt

  21. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • Marriage is a covenant not a contract • Covenant: • I sacrifice my right and assume responsibilities • Contract: • I want to limit my liabilities and maximize my returns

  22. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • Marriage is based on commitment not chemistry! • “I have chosen once and I am here to stay” • Marriage is Sacred! • WALK/TALK/PRAY TOGETHER

  23. Lessons From Marriage Seminar • 4 Language of Money • Drivers: Money Means Success • Analytic: Money Means Security • Available: Money Means Love • Accepters: Money Means Acceptance

  24. Q&A • #1. When a spouse is always on the defensive every time an issue is raised that concerns the relationship what would you advise as another mode of communication to get your point across?  

  25. Answer/Options • Say (Right Attitude): • If there is something wrong you can tell me and you won’t have to pay the price • Study your spouse to know the best time/atmosphere to raise sensitive issues • Change your approach…Karen’s e.g.

  26. Q&A • #2. What would be the best way to handle a husband that keeps close relationships that the wife does not particularly support?

  27. Answer/Options • Communication is the key here • Clearly pass across why you are concerned about the friendship/relationship • Seek counsel…

  28. Q&A • #3. How can someone advice a couple heading for divorce when one of the couple NEVER admits he or she is wrong?

  29. Answer/Options • Pray for the couple… • Problem to know the root cause of their marital challenges • Counsel should be based on individual situation

  30. Q&A • #4. How should finances be handled at home? Should there be a joint account?

  31. Answer/Options • The key is openness/transparency (this cannot be compromised) • “What God has joined together…” • Plan & Budget together • Jointly decide on priorities and stick with it

  32. Q&A • #5. Is it ok for my husband to visit a female colleague without me though I know the person?

  33. Answer/Options • NO! • Flee appearances of evil… • Give no place to the devil…

  34. Q&A • #6. Once you forgive infidelity how do you move on?

  35. Answer/Options • Forgiveness is key to healing • Both sides need to work at it… • The individual that erred needs to work at regaining his/her spouse’s trust (you earn trust!)

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