Choices in Relationships

1. Choices in Relationships Chapter Sixteen: Remarriage and Stepfamilies

2. Remarriage • Remarriage for the Divorced • Ninety percent of remarriages consist of persons who are divorced rather than widowed. • Preparation for Remarriage • It is not uncommon for persons who are divorced to live together with a new partner before remarriage.

3. Remarriage • Stages of Remarriage • Boundary Maintenance • Emotional Remarriage • Psychic Remarriage • Community Remarriage • Parental Remarriage • Economic and Legal Remarriage

4. Remarriage • Remarriage for the Widowed • Remarriage for the widowed is usually very different from remarriage for the divorced. • Stability of Remarriages • National data reflects that remarriages are more likely than first marriages to end in divorce in the early years of remarriage.

5. Should a Woman Marry a Divorced Man with Children? • Acknowledge that a second marriage is vulnerable. • Question whether living together is beneficial to future marital success. • Delay marriage to a person who has been married before. • Consider a fresh start in a new home.

6. Stepfamilies • Definition and Types of Stepfamilies • Although a stepfamily can be created when a never-married or a widowed parent with children marries a person with or without children, most stepfamilies today are composed of spouses who were once divorced. • There are several types of stepfamilies.

7. Stepfamilies • Unique Aspects of Stepfamilies • The children in a stepfamily are biologically related to only one parent. • Only one biological parent in a stepfamily lives with the children. • Everyone in a stepfamily has experienced the loss of a love partner. • Stepfamily members also are connected psychologically to others outside their unit.

8. Stepfamilies

9. Stepfamilies • Stages in Becoming a Stepfamily Stage 1: Fantasy Stage 2: Reality Stage 3: Being Assertive Stage 4: Strengthening Pair Ties Stage 5: Recurring Change

10. Strengths of Stepfamilies • Exposure to a Variety of Behavior Patterns • Happier Parents • Opportunity for New Relationship with Stepsiblings • More Objective Stepparents

11. Women in Stepfamilies • Accepting Partner’s Children • It’s really difficult to love someone else’s children. • Partner’s Children Accepting Stepmother • A stepchild may feel the need to keep an emotional distance in the relationship with the stepmother so as not to incur the anger of the biological mother.

12. Women in Stepfamilies • Resenting Alimony and Child Support • It is not unusual for a wife to become upset when her husband mails one-quarter or one-third of his income to a woman with whom he used to live. • Her New Partner and How Her Children Accept Him • For many remarried wives, two main concerns are how her new husband accepts her children and how her children accept him.

13. Women in Stepfamilies • Having Another Child • Couples with a mutual birth may tolerate more marital stress before considering divorce than couples with no mutual children. • In spite of the decreased satisfaction with one’s stepchildren, having a child in a second marriage is associated with increasing the stability of the relationship and reducing the probability of divorce.

14. Men in Stepfamilies • Man with Children Married to a Woman without Children • Men with biological children enter stepfamilies with an appreciation for the role of parent, some skills (one would hope) in reference to the role, and a bond with a child or children who usually live in another house. • Man with Children Married to a Woman with Children • The more engaged the stepfather in disciplining his stepchildren, the greater the level of reported satisfaction.

15. Men in Stepfamilies • Man without Children Married to a Woman with Children • Two primary factors that contribute to a positive stepfather-stepchild relationship: • Active involvement in teaching the stepchild something mutually valued. • An intense love relationship between the stepfather and the biological mother of the stepchild.

16. Children in Stepfamilies • Divided Loyalties, Discipline, Stepsiblings • Other problems experienced by children in stepfamilies often revolve around feeling abandoned, having divided loyalties, discipline, and stepsiblings. • Moving between Households • Though sometimes this is a structured transition, it may also be a mechanism used by the child to manipulate the parents.

17. Children in Stepfamilies • Ambiguity of the Extended Family • A final issue for children in stepfamilies is their ambiguous place in the extended family system of the new stepparent.

18. Developmental Tasks for Stepfamilies • Acknowledge Losses and Changes • Nurture the New Marriage Relationship • Integrate the Stepfather into the Child’s Life • Allow Time for Relationship between Partner and Children to Develop

19. Developmental Tasks for Stepfamilies • Have Realistic Expectations • Accept Your Stepchildren • Establish Your Own Family Rituals • Decide about Money

20. Developmental Tasks for Stepfamilies • Give Parental Authority to Your Spouse • Support Child’s Relationship with Absent Parent • Cooperate with the Child’s Biological Parents and