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FIX IT!. Transactional writing…. Writing in a Lively Manner. Change this bland unbiased statement into one that best suits the form and tone of an editorial. You should be making changes that show you are moving towards your next step target from last lesson.
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Writing in a Lively Manner Change this bland unbiased statement into one that best suits the form and tone of an editorial. You should be making changes that show you are moving towards your next step target from last lesson. Cats will often bring home animals such as birds, mice or voles to their owners astrophies or gifts. Sometimes the animals are still alive in the cat’s mouth. BIG QUESTION: How can the conventions associated with lively articles be manipulated to create a confident and convincing voice? You could add specific evidence to the statement like an anecdote to develop the opinion. You could be changing to vocab to suit a more biased/ exaggerated tone. You could create a more distinctive voice by adding emotive language and sarcasm to enhance the bias nature. You could shake up the sentence structure to add more variety and pace to the statement.
Stick this in your book and annotate it!Make a to do list!What do you have to do to get in the top level?
Practise the opening Is the onesie the perfect gift this Christmas? December has arrived and in true Christmas fashion, the onesies have taken over the supermarkets. Will you buy one this Christmas? Maybe your dad will rock a Batman onesie, or your nan will adorn a sassy sheep onesie. Are they really the best gift idea? • Engage or 'grab your reader's attention straight away - involve and interest them at the outset. • Welcome your audience– show the examiner you know this is an article with the correct phrasing – good evening, welcome ladies and gentlemen etc. • Involve your reader by using 'you', 'we - if appropriate! • State why you have the authority to write on this topic and that you are reasonable and trustworthy. • Forge common ground between you and your reader - mention an outcome both of you would endorse. • Use a rhetorical question to hook them into your topic.
The onesie - Walkthrough Option 1 – Practising the style Decide upon your view on onesies and produce one paragraph that could appear in your article. Your paragraph must: • Start with a clear topic sentence introducing your main point: The main problem with/the best thing about onesies is… • Develop your paragraph by explaining your idea in more detail. There’s nothing cosier than… Picture the scene… Imagine how ridiculous you’d feel if… I once saw… • Try finishing your paragraph with a short, clear sentence that repeats/emphasises this idea: Surely… Next step: Use a linking word/phrase to start your next paragraph and repeat steps 1-3 again with a new reason. Option 2 – developing your own style and voice Pick one of the examples to continue. Develop it with another idea Experiment with the same techniques the writer has used to engage the reader: • First person/personal style • humour, sarcasm • anecdote/personal experiences • funny images/imagery • Punctuation/sentence variety for deliberate effect Next step: challenge – read the additional extracts and consider how the writer takes a frivolous subject and considers wider significance. Look at your P+NS grid – which skill is this?
Self assessmentTurn the most appropriate phrases into Praise/Next step statements • State my ideas clearly • Include examples/evidence/details to develop and explain my ideas • Experiment with more personal style • Use humour/more light hearted examples • Experiment with imagery and DAFOREST • Experiment with vocabulary choice • Vary sentence length/punctuation for deliberate effect • Establish and maintain a clear ‘voice’
What’s this an example of? • I'm sure we've all vegetated on the sofa eating rubbish and downing gallons of fizzy drinks for hours on end at the weekends or during the school holidays. I know that my imprint is a permanent fixture of the settee in my living room (and no it’s not because I’m tubby) . In this article I plan to tell you how you can avoid being a couch-potato, outlining some of the ways I've become fitter and more active. • Notice it’s not too long AND it links directly in to what the writing is actually about.
Using Bathos • Robbie Williams. A man of exceptional talent and charisma; a man who came from nothing to become one of the world's biggest pop stars; a man who inspires millions of people all over the world. A man who is a total pleb. • Based on this example, what do you think bathos is? Can you give an example? • A sudden change from a serious, educated, articulate tone, to a ridiculous, silly, less educated tone.
Other Examples • They came… They saw… They did a bit of shopping. • The answer: Blood, Sweat and Tears • The question: What are the three least popular ice-cream flavours at Baskin Robbins? • ... he ran up the stairs, thunder rolling around the house. A sense of dread built like black smoke in his mind. In haste he sped along the landing, breathless. He kicked open the door, ran into the room and slipped on the banana skin in the doorway.’
Try one yourself • Create a lively introduction that outlines your opinion of TV talent shows. • Try to ensure that your introduction includes: • Exaggeration of emotions/actions • Personal pronouns • Use of sarcasm or humour • Challenge yourself to use bathos.
Now tell me what you think of TV talent shows…DAFOREST? • Humour as appropriate • Use the connectives chart to select from • Create comparisons by using similes or an anecdote Build your point: • Make a basic statement of opinion • Discuss why it affects you • Discuss the impact on other people • Give an example/anecdote • Discuss what this example demonstrates about the issue and why it backs up your opinion • Include a point or two about why the issue is morally, ethically or socially right or wrong • Use a range of vocabulary to effectively show your emotions and connect your ideas. • Use effective tools to exaggerate your emotions and descriptions, and engage your reader. • Experiment with using punctuation for deliberate effect • Sarcasm/Humour /Anger!!! • Have an emotional link to the writing by using over exaggeration • Engage your reader with pronouns. On Task: • Engage in the activity for 15mins in silence • Completing the extension (green) task to develop your learning further • Writing a full paragraph with correct use of punctuation. • Look at the model response • Use asides to add witty/sarcastic/related points to the main thread of your argument. • effectively use a semi colon, exclamation mark or a comma.
How do we use DAFOREST to help us with transactional writing…? • Go back and look at your response… • What mark did you get? What do you have to do next? • Let’s try and improve it!
I should be able to… Find elements of DAFOREST in your work! Find 321! Understand your point of view… See a plan See you have used type audience and purpose!
Key vocab for the next text Tragedy = a terrible unexpected event Proposed = suggested Induced = persuaded Regiment = part of an army Testify = support, back-up Insensible = out of his mind Providence = God Assuredly = certainly Bludgeon = bash repeatedly Hypothermia = beyond cold Oblivion = nothingness Pick three to use in a sentence… Pick three antonyms for your favourite word… Pick three synonyms and say why your chosen word is more effective.
Sunday, March 17th Lost track of dates, but think the last correct. Tragedy all along the line. At lunch, the day before yesterday, poor Titus Oates said he couldn’t go on; he proposed we should leave him in his sleeping-bag. That we could not do, and induced him to come on, on the afternoon march. In spite of its awful nature for him he struggled on and we made a few miles. At night he was worse and we knew the end had come. Should this be found I want these facts recorded. Oates’ last thoughts were of his Mother, but immediately before he took pride in thinking that his regiment would be pleased with the bold way in which he met his death. We can testify to his bravery. He has borne intense suffering for weeks without complaint, and to the very last was able and willing to discuss outside subjects. He did not – would not – give up hope to the very end. He was a brave soul. This was the end. He slept through the night before last, hoping not to wake; but he woke in the morning – yesterday. It was blowing a blizzard. He said, ‘I am just going outside and may be some time.’ He went out into the blizzard and we have not seen him since. I take this opportunity of saying that we have stuck to our sick companions to the last. In case of Edgar Evans, when absolutely out of food and he lay insensible, the safety of the remainder seemed to demand his abandonment, but Providence mercifully removed him at this critical moment. He died a natural death, and we did not leave him till two hours after his death. We knew that poor Oates was walking to his death, but though we tried to dissuade him, we knew it was the act of a brave man and an English gentleman. We all hope to meet the end with a similar spirit, and assuredly the end is not far. I can only write at lunch and then only occasionally. The cold is intense, -40º at midday. My companions are unendingly cheerful, but we are all on the verge of serious frostbites, and though we constantly talk of fetching through I don’t think anyone of us believes it in his heart. R.Scott 1. How cold was it at midday? 2. What was the name of the man who was dying? 3. Who were the young man’s last thoughts of? 4. Highlight short sentences – how do these add to the tone of the text? (Write 1 paragraph to explain.) 5. Find 4 words that create a dramatic tone. 6. How far do you agree that Scott creates a feeling of hopelessness towards the end of his diary entry? In other words, prove why you have your opinion by explaining quotes
Vladimir Putin cruised to victory in Sundays presidential elections in a result that was never in question His fourth term as pressident will extend until 2024, making him the first Kremlin leeder to serve to decades in power since Josef Stalin. With results still coming in, Putin looked set to exced expectations by clinching more than 75% of the vote • Punctuate the passage above and correct the misspelt words.
Vladimir Putin cruised to victory in Sunday’s presidential elections in a result that was never in question. His fourth term as president will extend until 2024, making him the first Kremlin leaderto serve twodecades in power since Josef Stalin. With results still coming in, Putin looked set to exceedexpectations by clinching more than 75% of the vote. • Punctuate the passage above and correct the misspelt words.
Synonyms for… • Optimism • Pessimism • Loneliness • Seclusion • Solitary • Forlorn • Despondent • Companionship • Acquaintance • Sensitivity • Subtle • Susceptible
How does the writer create a sense of sympathy for Bill? Blind Bill’s day started like any other. He was a man who liked routine and on warm summer days he liked to spend his time in his garden. He shifted his position in his garden chair and checked his table top again for his mobile telephone. He would phone his son later, but not yet. Bill would only bother him in the really lonely times. This morning he hoped there would be some visitors or a neighbour passing his gatewho would stop and pass the time of day with him. Some time later, Bill recognised Mrs Jobson’s heavy footsteps. It was a Wednesday,and Bill knew it was her day for Willbridge supermarket. “Nice drying day for your washing, Mrs Jobson.” His comment took her by surprise, and he heard her gasp. She would wonder how a blind man could know about her washing. Heavens, silly woman; the flapping, cracking sound it made as gust of wind came down the valley was loud enough. And he knew she always did her washing before going to the supermarket. He enjoyed teasing her. “You’d better have it in by three, though. It’ll rain by three.” Again he was rewarded by her gasp of surprise. But she believed him because he’dalways been right before. He could feel the weather fronts coming as the wind changed to the west on his cheek, and he felt the slight pressure of warm dampness on his skin that confirmed the change of weather to come. • Consider: • Words that emphasise his loneliness • Contrast of his good qualities • Structure - how does the text develop?
Create a short story about a time someone real or imagined felt lonely. 200 words = 20 minutes How will you 321 your own writing?
Question 3… • What kinds of things could you talk about? • Draw the images and write some prompts… for example… Similes, metaphors, alliteration, repetition, exaggeration Verbs, adverbs, lexical fields, adjectives. Sentence length and style, punctuation use, chronology!
Question 4…SPITE your extract of choice! Settings People Ideas Themes Events Weather, place, time of day/year Character thoughts and feelings, interactions with others What is happening? What does it make you think of? Life, Love, death, Pain, Nature, awareness of feelings, experiences Plot, action, character interaction, the juicy bits!
Let’s Practise… Q3 In lines 12-29, how does the writer use language and structure to show the narrator’s thoughts and feelings? Support your views with reference to the text. (6) Q4 In this extract, there is an attempt to create an atmosphere of mystery. Evaluate how successfully this is achieved. Support your views with detailed reference to the text. (15)
Comparison skills… • Which questions does this come up for? • What is comparison? • How can I use the skills across papers? • Why this doesn’t have to be confusing?
It’s the same mark scheme for both the anthology and the unseen! 321 and Smile everywhere! Highlight your mock paper response now! Where have you done this?
Let’s Practise! Use these emojis to create your comparison… SMILE?
ANALYSING YOUR POEM How can we use this to add to our comparison table? Write SMILE down the middle of a page and…? 5 minute challenge...Pick one and explain! S.M.I.L.E
It’s the same mark scheme for both the anthology and the unseen! 321 and Smile everywhere! Highlight your response now! Where did you do this?
In both ‘Today’ (Billy Collins) and ‘Autumn’ (Alan Bold) the speakers describe attitudes towards the seasons. What are the similarities and/or differences between the ways the poets present these attitudes? In ‘Today’ and ‘Autumn’, Bold and Collins present opposing views of their respective seasons. For instance, in ‘Autumn’, the wind is described as an “accomplice”, as if it was guilty for committing wrong-doings or was offensive to laws or people. In “Today”, the wind is described as a “warm intermittent breeze”. The phrase “breeze” gives the impression of a calm, relaxing, tranquil environment, which directly contrasts with the “chaos” of ‘Autumn’. Also, indicating a difference in atmosphere and tempo is the structure. For instance, ‘Autumn’ is written in one continuous stanza, with little punctuation, indicating that ‘Autumn’ is fast-paced, difficult to control and chaotic in its nature, whereas in ‘Today’, the structure is nine couplets, with pauses in between and varied punctuation. This, when read, creates a more relaxed feel and indicates that the poet’s attitude towards spring is far more positive. Similarly, the effect on people is obviously very different within each poem. In ‘Autumn’ the people are “inquisitive strangers” looking on the “chaos” with disbelief and compassion, whereas in ‘Today’ they are “holding hands” and rejoicing the day. The verb “inquisitive” has connotations of confusion, fear and intent, which could demonstrate how the speaker feels about autumn – that it is interesting and beautiful, but also “deep” and mysterious. Contrastingly, in ‘Today’, the sensory description of “sunlight” forces the reader to think how the speaker does, as if spring is beautiful, perfect and constant – unlike autumn.
Here is a spot the difference. • Write three clear, and to the point sentences, that say what is in both pictures. 2. Then, write three clear and to the point sentences that say what is in picture one but not in picture two.
7a) The two texts show the points of view of ... What similarities do you notice…?
