Getting Involved Ch. 5
Getting Together: The Search for Intimate Possibilities Beginning Where You Are Hanging Out and Hooking Up
The Selection Process What Attracts? Finding People to Date Functions of Dating Patterns of Dating
What Attracts? Physical Attractiveness Similarity
Mate Selection • Positive attitudes about the relationship, coupled with realistically positive assessments of a spouse’s personality traits, are important to marital stability. • Activity 1 • Activity 2 • Activity 3
Finding People to Date School Dating Services Personal Ads Through the Internet
Free-choice Culture • The United States is an example of a free-choice culture: • People choose their own mates, although typically they seek parents’ and other family members’ support for their decision.
Pool of Eligibles • A group of individuals who, by background or birth, are considered most likely to make compatible marriage partners.
Functions of Dating • Recreation • Intimacy / Companionship • Mate Selection • Status Attainment • Socialization
Patterns of Dating Societal norms Initiating a date Who picks up whom? Who pays during the date?
First Meetings • Physical attractiveness increased as a value over the past century and is especially important upon first meeting and in the early stages of a relationship. • Majority of couples meet for the first time in face-to-face encounters. • Internet relationships progress through “an inverted developmental sequence.”
Developing the Relationship and Moving Toward Commitment • What first brings people together? • What keeps them together?
Self-Disclosure Intimacy as an exchange relationship Interdependence and commitment Building Intimacy
Maintaining or Breaking Up? Who Breaks Up? Responding to Deterioration
Breaking Up • According to the exchange perspective, couples choose to stay committed or to break up by weighing the rewards of their relationship against its costs. • When costs outweigh rewards, when there are desirable alternatives, when one’s relationship does not match one’s ideal, when little has been invested and when there are fewer barriers to breaking up, couples are more likely to do so.
Staying Single Why People Are Single Intimacy and Life Satisfaction
Increased in Singlehood • The Census Bureau defines “single” as being unmarried. • This change is due to a growing proportion of widowed elderly, a high divorce rate and young adults postponing marriage, along with a growing incidence of cohabitation. • Demographic Changes • The sexratio (number of men to women in a given society or subgroup)—the United States had more women than men • Expanded educational and career options for college-educated women have lead many to postpone marriage. • Middle-aged, divorced women with careers tend to view marriage as a bad bargain once they have gained financial and sexual independence.
Dating Violence — A Serious Sign of Trouble • Dating violence typically begins with verbal or psychological abuse and tends to occur over jealousy, with a refusal of sex, after illegal drug use or excessive drinking, or upon disagreement about drinking behavior. • A recent study of 28 female undergraduates in abusive dating relationships found that some of these women felt “stuck” with their partner. • A majority had assumed a “caretaker identity,” similar to martyring.
Indicators of Dating Violence • Handles ordinary disagreements with inappropriate anger or rage • Struggles to regain self-control when a minor issue triggers anger • Goes into tirades • Quick to criticize or verbally mean • Unduly jealous, restricting and controlling • History of violence in previous relationships