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Forming Relationships in Young and Middle Adulthood . Chapter 11. Friendship. Based in feeling, reciprocity, choice Less emotionally, intense than romantic Help self-esteem, self-awareness, self-respect Facilitate socialization in adulthood. Adult Friends. Stages (ABCDE) Acquaintanceship

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friendship
Friendship
  • Based in feeling, reciprocity, choice
  • Less emotionally, intense than romantic
  • Help self-esteem, self-awareness, self-respect
  • Facilitate socialization in adulthood
adult friends
Adult Friends
  • Stages (ABCDE)
    • Acquaintanceship
    • Buildup
    • Continuation
    • Deterioration
    • Ending
      • A-B depends on similarity, communication, importance of relationship
      • E depends on availability of alternatives
adult friends1
Adult Friends
  • More friends in young adulthood than at any other time
  • Critical during adulthood as life satisfaction linked w/ quality of friends
    • Help manage stress
    • Linked w/ longevity
adult friends2
Adult Friends
  • 3 broad themes underlay adult friends
    • Affective component
      • Self-disclosure, intimacy, affection, support, trust, loyalty, commitment
    • Communal nature
      • Participate in supportive activities
    • Sociability
      • Friends are source of fun, recreation
siblings as friends
Siblings As Friends
  • Important relationship for most
    • Peaks during adolescence & late life
    • At all times women place more importance
gender differences friends
Gender Differences: Friends
  • Women
    • Friendships based on intimacy, emotional sharing, disclosure of personal matters
    • More relationships than men
  • Men
    • Friendships based on shared activities or interests (e.g, sports) & competition
    • Less intimacy & disclosure
slide8
Love
  • Sternberg
    • Passion
    • Intimacy
    • Commitment
  • In a lasting love relationship
    • Passion high early I & C low (but I rising fast)
    • Passion fades, I stabilizes & C rises
falling in love
Falling In Love
  • Assortative Mating
    • Similarity predictions attraction
      • Only to a point
      • Only for key, important dimensions
        • Religion, sex, politics, physical appearance
falling in love1
Falling In Love
  • Compatibility leads to application of 3 filters (Murstein)
    • Stimulus
      • Appearance, social class, manners match?
    • Values
      • Values match?
    • Role
      • Ideas about relationship, communication style gender roles match
  • All YES = couple formation
abusive relationships
Abusive Relationships
  • Continuum of aggression
    • Verbal - physical - severe - murder
    • Less severe common
      • 25%-40% of relationships display less severe physical abuse (punching, slapping) occasionally
    • Severe less common
      • Usually long pattern of abuse of male partner
abusive relationships1
Abusive Relationships
  • Cause of abuse depends on type of abuse
    • Verbal: need to control, jealousy, misuse of power (all also impact more severe forms of abuse)
    • Physical: abused as child, alcohol, positive attitudes towards violence, aggressive temperament (all also impact more severe forms of abuse)
    • Severe/murder: personality disorder, emotional instability, poor self-esteem
abusive relationships2
Abusive Relationships
  • Cause also depends on gender
    • Need for control, power, jealousy M > W
  • Culture key as well
    • Cultures valuing female honor, passivity, nurturing, loyal supporters of higher-status males more accepting of abuse
lifestyle
Lifestyle
  • Singlehood
    • ~80% men 20-24 single
    • ~70% women 20-24 single
      • Some career focused early in adulthood
    • More difficult for single women than men
      • Social pressure stronger on women to marry
      • Men marry later
    • 2x as many African Americans single in young adulthood
singlehood
Singlehood
  • Never married women in 30s
    • Acute distress & wish to be married OR
    • Emotionally volatile OR
    • Happy single
  • When does one decide to be single?
    • Gradual process for most
singlehood1
Singlehood
  • Advantages & disadvantages
    • Greater freedom
    • More lonely
      • Men: higher mortality, alcoholism, suicide rates
      • Women: more vulnerable to violent crime & extra duties at work
cohabitation
Cohabitation
  • Dramatic increase in past 30 years
    • Most are 25-44 (v. > 45 in 1970s)
  • 3 primary reasons for cohabitation
      • Limited: convenience ($, sexual access, no commitment)
      • Premarital: trial marriage
      • Substitute marriage: long-term commitment w/o marriage
cohabitation1
Cohabitation
  • Cultural differences abound
    • Sweden: 99% of couples live together before marriage & 25% unmarried
    • China: cohabitation rare
  • Impacts on marital success
    • Reduces marital satisfaction
    • Increases risk of divorce
gay lesbian couples
Gay & Lesbian Couples
  • In most ways they are similar to heterosexual couples
  • Some differences do emerge
    • Less likely to argue about
      • Values, social-political issues
    • More likely to argue about
      • Trust, former lovers
gay lesbian couples1
Gay & Lesbian Couples
  • Gender differences more key
    • Men: separate sex & love, have more short term relationships
    • Women: connect sex w/ love, have fewer, longer lasting relationships
  • Gay couples report less family support
    • Legal system fails to recognize rights of gay partners
marriage
Marriage
  • Median age increased in past 30 years
    • Younger you marry higher risk of divorce
      • < 20 3x higher rate than 20s & 6x higher rate than 30s
  • Factors predicting marital success
    • Identity
    • Homogamy (similarity)
    • Perceived equality (fair exchange)
marital happiness
Marital Happiness
  • Peaks & valleys
  • Generally happiest early & late
    • Drops during children
    • Rises after children leave home
  • Best if dependence is equal for both partners
keeping a marriage happy
Keeping a Marriage Happy?
  • Make time
  • Express love
  • Be there in times of need
  • Constructive communication
  • Show interest
  • Confide
  • Forgive, understand
family life cycle
Family Life Cycle
  • Having children bring benefits & problems
    • Personal satisfaction/needs, etc
    • Financial, personal sacrifices
  • Decision to have kids impacted by Fs
having children
Having Children?
  • Feminine intrapsychic determinants
    • Relationship w/ parents, flexibility, feminine identification
  • Marriage determinants
    • Stability, support satisfaction, stress management
having children1
Having Children?
  • Career determinants
    • Responsibility, satisfaction, change possible
  • Lifestyle determinants
    • $, child-free relationship, comparison group
parental role
Parental Role
  • Currently couples have fewer kids later
    • Older mothers more affectionate, sensitive
    • Older fathers more invested, spends more time w/ child
  • Being a parent very stressful
    • New responsibilities
    • Changes relationship (ALL about child)
    • Worse for mother (especially is she works)
      • Men spend ~44% of the time raising kids v. moms
single parents
Single Parents
  • Mostly women due to
    • Divorce
    • Keeping child out of wedlock
      • Ethnic differences: 70% AA births out of wedlock
  • Impacts on parents
    • Emotional difficulty
    • Financial problems (worse for single mothers)
    • Dating difficult (lonely)
alternative parenting
Alternative Parenting
  • Gay couples raising children
    • No negative impacts
    • Some potential positives
divorce
Divorce
  • Divorce rate - 50% in US
    • Highest in Russia, lowest in Netherlands
    • Increased in developed countries recently
      • Changes in social norms, laws
  • Reasons cited by men & women for D
    • Unhappy, infidelity, sexual problems
      • Men: alcohol abuse by self, women’s lib
      • Women: alcohol abuse by spouse, physical abuse
divorce1
Divorce
  • Factors impacting divorce
    • Macro reasons
      • Social-cultural changes/values, gender roles
    • Demographics reasons
      • Age at marriage, parental divorce, cohabitation
    • Interpersonal reasons
      • Infidelity, violence, $, children, growing apart
divorce2
Divorce
  • Impacts of divorce on couple
    • Emotional problems (lasting)
      • Depressed, rejected, angry, disappointed, unhappy
    • Divorce hangover
      • Unable to let go and move on as single person
      • Preoccupation predictor of poor adjustment
        • Men: accept blame, move out, social life changed
        • Women: fewer remarriage, friends prospects, $ troubles
divorce3
Divorce
  • Relationship w/ children
    • 70% mothers regain custody after divorce
    • Fathers become negligent rapidly
    • Problems extend to divorce w/ adult children
      • Emotional difficulties & poor father relationship
remarriage
Remarriage
  • Very common (W < M)
    • Average wait is 4 years
    • Increased change of divorce (even more w./. stepchildren)
    • Women benefit more than men