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Intimacy in Marriage:The secret to getting married and staying “engaged”
Intimacy and sexuality is a Gift From God • Act of total trust in self & partner • Ways we express intimacy have been shaped by: • Experience of family & friends • Previous intimate relationships • Society
Back to back intimacy • Wedding vows • You will repeat those over and over… • Not “I do” but “I will” • Healthy marriages have several marriages within it
Shoulder to shoulder intimacy • Commitment to life • Hospitality: giveout of our abundance! • Not just to children,but to others as well
Sexual Intimacy and Living Together Before Marriage The Judeo-Christian Tradition
Cohabitation • Every act of sexual intercourse is intended by God to express love, commitment and openness to life in the total gift of the spouses to each other. Sexual intercourse outside of marriage cannot express what God intended. Rather, it says something false--a total commitment that the couple does not yet have. This total commitment is possible only in marriage. • From: http://foryourmarriage.org
Exploring the Questions • Why did you choose to live together? • What did you learn from the experience of living together? • Why did you decide to marry? • Why do you wish to marry in the Catholic Church? • What does marriage as a sacrament mean to you?
A Healthy, Long-lasting Relationship • What makes marriage unique from simply living together is a “vow of permanence.” Partners publicly promise that they will no longer be alone and no matter what happens down the road someone will be thre to take care of you and support you. • Commitment is the heart of marriage.
Foundations of Intimacy • Trust • Empathy • Enthusiasm and courage • Sharing other’s worlds • Sex – it does not create a relationship. It expresses a relationship.
Types who fight true intimacy • The macho • The workaholic • The martyr • The avoiders • Intimacy junkies
SHAME: the greatest block to authentic intimacy • Shame is self-oriented, you feel there is something wrong with you. • Guilt is action-oriented, you experience it when you have done something you know to be wrong.
1. Personal Attractiveness 2. Matters of size, strength, ability, skill 3. Dependency/ independence 4. Competition 5. Sense of self 6. Sexuality 7. Issues of seeing and being seen Fears and wishes about intimacy 8 Realms of Shame
Reactions to Shame • Withdrawal • Attack oneself • Avoidance • Attack others • Halting the shame spiral: • Defense or acceptance