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Problems, Conflict and Power in a marriage

Problems, Conflict and Power in a marriage. What problems do young married couples anticipate?. Communication Jealousy - comes from uncertainty related to today’s attitudes towards relationships and greater flexibility in roles Fears about adaptation to parenthood

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Problems, Conflict and Power in a marriage

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  1. Problems, Conflict and Power in a marriage

  2. What problems do young married couples anticipate? • Communication • Jealousy - comes from uncertainty related to today’s attitudes towards relationships and greater flexibility in roles • Fears about adaptation to parenthood • (according to a study done in Montreal)

  3. What is conflict? • The opposition of incompatible needs and principles • Conflict Theory suggests that every couple faces 3 dilemmas: 1. individual vs collective interest 2. women’s rights vs male entitilement 3. “mine” vs “yours”

  4. 2 issues stemming from these dilemmas • Division of labour • Expressive quality of the relationship • In a companionate marriage, the goal is to maintain intimacy, so, fighting is usually about how issues affect that balance of individual/couple

  5. Power • Power is the ability to influence the behaviour of someone else • In relationships, the person who has the resources that someone else needs has the power (remember the game Catan?)_

  6. Over time • Prehistoric time – power balanced – both men and women had their jobs to do – they needed each other • Industrial society – men worked, women stayed home (their work was less ‘valued’ because it was seen as unskilled) – men had the ‘power’

  7. Principle of Least Interest • The ability to meet the social and emotional needs of another is the source of power that motivates individuals to reciprocate meeting each other’s needs • The principle of least resistance explains that the person with the least commitment to the relationship holds the greatest power, since the person who is more committed is more likely to give in to maintain the harmony of the relationship

  8. Recent Study • People who had taken a premarriage course offered by the Roman Catholic church identified these problems during the first 5 years of marriage: • Balancing job and family • Frequency of sexual relations • Debt brought into marriage • Husband’s employment • Financial situation • Household tasks

  9. How do men/women perceive conflict • Men and women actually perceive conflict differently: • Symbolic Interactionism: men and women perceive the problems in a marriage differently because they express their emotions differently

  10. Partner Activity • With a partner, discuss the following statements – do you agree or disagree, and why?

  11. Is housework a ‘female’ role? • Do you think that women are more willing to make complaints and raise conflict in a relationship? • Do women expect more in a marriage, and do men feel ‘pressured’ to give?

  12. Women are more likely to define themselves in terms of their relationships and how they are love, and consequently feel more responsibility for dealing with issues to maintain the marriage

  13. Another perspective • Male communication is competitive and straightforward • Women like to relate to others on a more common footing – will make ‘soft’ arguments to seek support and view challenge as a personal attack • Women complain and expect their partner to commiserate with them, but men tend to look for a solution

  14. The bottom line, according to Symbolic Interactionists • gendered communication patterns can interfere with solving problems

  15. John Gottman • Based on his own research: • Most marital conflict can’t be solved, but it doesn’t necessarily ruin a marriage • Successful conflict resolution is rarely seen – couples need to resolve each conflict as it comes along, but the basic conflict is still there and will recur

  16. How to deal then, with conflict • Systems theory explains that each partner needs to be willing to change their own behaviour in order to maintain stability in the relationship • Gottman: • Couples that remain together tackle specific problems in a positive manner – and allow themselves to be influenced by their partner, and giving in to the relationship when necessary

  17. Money, Housework and Power • Read the next section on p. 218 and answer these questions: • 1. According to symbolic interactionism, what affects satisfaction in a relationship? • 2. Why do men have greater power? • How is this different in dual-income relationships? • 3. How has labour-division in the home changed since 1965? • 4.Describe peer marriage • 5. Read case study on p. 220-221 and answer questions #1-3, p. 221

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