Overcoming of Addiction

1. Four Essentials of Recovery Counseling Model for Successfully Overcoming Addiction

2. Recovery Perspective • Treat the Addictions • Consider the symptoms of addictions – substance & behavioral • Could an addiction be symptomatic? • Treat the Underlying Causal Factors • Understand the unseen factors that created the addiction • These are often based in trauma or chronic distress • Encourage health & strength development

3. Factors of Psychological Health • Those who are generally healthy have: • Positive Self-beliefs • An Internal Sense of: • Emotional self-regulation • Nurturing self-care • Effective Interpersonal Relationships • Perspective of Purpose and Meaning

4. Four Essentials of Recovery • Those in long-term recovery exhibit: • Positive Self-beliefs Believe • An Internal Sense of: Understand • Emotional self-regulation • Nurturing self-care • Effective Interpersonal Relationships Connect • Perspective of Purpose and Meaning Imaginer

5. Synopsis • Believe – Understand – Connect – Imagineer • The Four Essentials of Recovery serve as a model to integrate clients’ positive experiences which they had before their addiction with • current constructive recovery experiences. • This model correlates with Twelve Step principles.

6. Believe • Our Self-Beliefs Govern Life Choices & Outcomes

7. BELIEVE “I am unworthy to be loved” • Virtually everyone in initial recovery does not accept that they are worthy of being loved . • In many cases, this is the underlying reason for their dependence. • Substance or Behavioral Dependence • Shame Self-Beliefs

8. More than persistent personality traits How the person experiences self - for example; You alone see through your eyes and only you interpret what you perceive No one will ever experience what you have – your unique combination of experiences You daily construct your own unique world This always links to what you believe about your self Our self-beliefs essentially shape who we are

9. Individuals fall into one of two groups Those individuals who deeply believe: • “I am unworthy to be loved” • ‘I am not enough and never will be.’ • ‘I am ashamed of myself’ • ‘I cannot stand who I am so I numb myself with food, addictions, ‘right’ thinking, meds, anger, etc. • How does this correlate with those who suffer from substance addiction?

10. Other Shame Self-Beliefs • I don’t deserve love • I am a bad • I am worthless • I deserve bad things • I am damaged, broken • I am ugly • I am stupid, not smart enough • I don’t matter • I don’t belong, I am different • I am irresponsible • I cannot be trusted, trust myself • I cannot trust others • I am weak, not in control • I am a failure • I am imperfect, flawed, I must please

11. Shame self-beliefs distort and disfigure how individuals perceive themselves. • Evidence is accumulated that the shame beliefs are true • The psychic pain of shame dominates consciously and subconsciously e.g. destructively disparaging self-talk • Shame is the Petri dish in which the bacteria of addiction thrive

12. Shame Self-Belief Qualities Distinguishing between guilt and shame Guilt: “I did something wrong or bad,” “I did something dumb,” “I acted carelessly,” etc. Guilt motivates us to change Shame: “There is something wrong with me – I am bad,” “I am dumb,” “I am careless,” etc. Shame beliefs lead us to accept the lie that we cannot change Counselors must be skilled in shame resolution

13. Origins of Shame Self-Belief Shame self-belief arises from emotionally charged events (trauma) as well as other disturbing experiences (small t trauma, chronic distress, developmental trauma) • The individual lives with distress such as a loss of attachment, fear for the safety of self or others, chronic low-grade anxieties, cultural conflicts, feelings of inadequacy, etc. • There is often a sense of terrible helplessness • In order to blunt the high level of fear & shame, individuals use coping mechanisms that provide instant, temporary relief – most commonly substance or behavioral addictions

14. Shame Self-Belief Results Shame self-belief induces negative coping mechanisms In addition to drugs and alcohol, individuals may turn to sex, gambling, working, religion, blaming, exercise, politics, eating disorders, or any other addiction patterned behaviors • Shame Self-Beliefs most often lie in the subconscious • Self-beliefs trump everything else mentally & emotionally – they color are decision making • We must go beyond cognitive-behavioral therapy ’Counselors can create the pre-conditions for transforming Shame Self-Beliefs intoPositive Self-Beliefs

15. Positive Self Beliefs The second of the two groups : Those individuals who predominantly believe: “I am worthy to be loved” How many individuals with addictions have this self-belief? What can we learn from this?

16. The Transformational Approach “Client shame self-beliefs relate to attachment, abandonment, and trauma” • Shame Self-beliefs can be transformed into Positive Self-beliefs • Outcome research shows that addressing underlying shame is a critical aspect dependence recovery.

17. Transformational Self-Beliefs Shame self-belief example: ‘I am evil’ replaced with: I Am Accepted What are the chances for his recovery?

18. Transformational Approach Show clients how to transform ‘Shame Self-Beliefs’ • Develop Client Emotional Regulation • Treat Trauma • Promote Positive Self-Beliefs • Support Forgiveness, No Use of Labels, Self-Change, Addiction Recovery Which comes first?

19. Therapeutic considerations Seek out shame beliefs: • “What are you ashamed of?” • “What traumatic or chronic distress experiences have you had?” (e.g. abuse, accidents, injuries, combat, learning difficulties, bullying, alcoholic caregiver, etc.) • “What negative beliefs do you have about yourself starting with the words; ‘I am. . .’? (e.g. “I am unsafe,” “I’m stupid,” “I am out of control,” I’m a terrible parent,” etc.) Distinguish for the client the difference between guilt and shame

20. Outcomes of Positive Belief • Alleviation of root source of substance dependence • Enhanced emotional resilience • Better physical well-being • Improved relationships • Increased appreciation, enjoyment, & meaning • Lasting recovery outcomes

21. Understand • Emotional self-regulation • Nurturing self-care

22. Emotional Self-Regulation Virtually all people afflicted with dependence have used substances and behaviors to numb out painful emotions • Withdrawal usually brings an immense increased of often overwhelming emotions and feelings • Most do not have a vocabulary to describe what they are experiencing • They feel flooded with unwanted emotional pain “They are swimming in a sea of their own emotions”

23. Therapeutic considerations • Teach an easy-to-understand emotional vocabulary • Distinguish between secondary emotions (e.g. “I am mad”) from primary feelings (e.g. I feel Accused, Guilty, Rejected, Unlovable, and/or Powerless) so that the client can identify and discuss their emotions and feelings • Focus on their emotional experience (e.g. What emotions are you experiencing now. What are your feelings?)

24. Develop Emotional Regulation • Fear/Shame Love/Empathy • Help clients understand their emotions and feelings: • I am Mad – Sad – Anxious I am Glad • I feel: I feel: • Accused Worthy • Guilty Acceptable • Rejected Capable • Unlovable • Powerless

25. Nurturing Self-Care • Clients rarely know how to perceive the balance that is needed for recovery? • They seldom recognize how the 12 Steps integrate the key elements of successful living. • Help them daily review their well-being.

26. Therapeutic Considerations • A new approach to a greeting • Instead of; “Hi, how are you?” • How goes your H E A R T? • How is your Health? • How are yourEmotions? • How is your Awareness? • How are your Relationships? • How is your Transcendentspirituality

27. Health How is your Health? • Sleep 7 to 8 hours • Eat well • Drink enough water • Exercise regularly * • Take care of health needs • Nurture your well-being • Stop smoking * • Take a supplement if needed • Limit caffeine, sodas, & sugar • Which of these lower the risk for relapse? • Which of these are you modeling for your clients?

28. Emotions How are your Emotions? • Recognize emotions & feelings • Regulate & soothe yourself • Appreciate positive feelings • Practice appreciating • Understand yourself • Use empathy to understand others • We cannot control emotions but we can regulate them & soothe ourselves

29. Awareness How is your Awareness? • Know what you are focusing on • Use your mind to resolve shame • Work through guilt • Value the worth of others & self • Realize that you are becoming more Worthy, Acceptable, and Capable • Cognitive awareness is central to reason, logic, and effective action • The ability to focus our thought changes our brain

30. Relationships How are your Relationships? • Clean up your side of the street (& only your side) • Work through resentments • Practice forgiveness • Support the “Five Positives to One Negative Interactions” • Sit as an adult not as a parent or child • Know your family constellations • Almost every person with an addiction as been the ‘victim’ of others • Continuing to blame is almost a sure sign of relapse – How come?

31. Transcendent Spirituality • How is your Transcendent Spirituality? • Develop your own sense of the spiritual • Tap into the energy of your higher power • Find the joy in enjoyment and the heart of courage in encouragement • Become open to ‘Coincidences’ • How many of your clients have ‘religion problems’ • Many have not understood their spiritual experiences • (e.g. nature, caring, connection, wonder, etc.)

32. Self-Care The Self-care Imperative for Recovery • Recovery is not a simplistic formula • However, there are factors that greatly decrease risk factors • Most clients do not understand these concepts on first hearing • Seeking a balance in • health, emotions, awareness, relationships, and spirituality • is an ongoing, life-long journey

33. Connect • Isolation is the common thread in substance or behavioral addictions

34. Problematic Relationships • They have poor relational conceptualizations • Expectations are high & acceptance is low • There is little ‘friendship’ in their relationships

35. The power of Friendship • When individuals rediscover how to be friends: • Relationships start to heal & then flourish • The pieces fit • How does this happen?

36. There are five qualities of interactions which summarize the closeness & the effectiveness of the relationship between any two people. They are:

37. G R E A T Friendships Ask: Am I really . . . • Genuine?Do I demonstrate that I am genuine by being honest, sincere, open, truth full, & transparent so that others can be at ease with me? • Respectful? Do I respect the ability of every adult to make their own choices even when I disagree? Do I allow them to be responsible for the results of their decisions? • Empathetic?Do I express through empathy that I care enough to listen, understand, and want the best for the other person? Do I understand what others are saying, their feelings, their fears & their caring love? • Accepting? Do I fully accept the other person as they are. Even when I disagree with them, can I express my thoughts without ‘constructive criticism’ or imposing my values and expectations on them? • Trustful? Do I believe in the basic good-hearted nature of the other person by acknowledging the best about them? Am I trustful of their intentions?

38. Creating ‘g r e a t’ Focus on ‘what works’ and ‘what doesn’t work’ Ask yourself to do more of ‘what works’ • Do G R E A T experiments • Observe how you feel, think, & act • Observe the results • Report how it works As we model a G R E A T friendships we grow in our abilities

39. G R E A T Friends • Empathetic • Empathetic • Respectful • YOU • Accepting • Respectful • Accepting • YOUR FRIEND • Genuine • Trustful • Genuine • Trustful

40. The Power of Forgiveness Resolving the imbedded resentment of trauma & chronic distress • Forgiving is not: • Forgetting • Excusing • Trusting • Continuing relationship • Forgiving lets go of the need for another to suffer for my sake Resolved resentment alleviates triggers & frees the forgiver

41. Build Great Connections Overcoming addiction’s isolation • Work through passed relationships concerns Family conflicts Prior injurious relationships The impact of the addiction on loved ones • Build functional, fun relationships – 12 steps, friends, etc. • Learn how to trust & rely on others • Develop a “Cone of Support” – Self, Reliable Others, H P

42. The Power of Connection We all want to be heard, understood, and accepted When we practice hearing, understanding, & accepting others – we become more • Worthy • Acceptable • Capable

43. Imagineer • Helping those recovering to visualize and create meaningful, enjoyable lives

44. The crucial question • “What are you going to do with the rest of your life?” • In addiction, creativity is focused on obtaining, using, & hiding the use of substances • There is little or no effort concentrating on obtaining enjoyment, meaning, or fulfillment • Those caught up in dependence fear the responsibility & opportunity to create their own life • In recovery, sobriety is never enough – it is fundamental but each person has to envision their life as satisfying & worthwhile

45. Therapeutic Considerations • Engage the client in identifying their values: • Many do not know their values • Many are conflicted between their held values & behaviors • Listing values by each person in a group is value provoking • Individuals can track their own reliability • Self-trust is dependent upon consistency

46. What R U 4? • Identify aspirations (We are what we desire to be) • Show how unproductive it is to focus on what they do not want • Help them focus on the desires they want in their life • Teach them to use the power of visualization • Demonstrate how to daily engineer the creation of their desires • Create a wheel of good fortune

47. Bringing it Home

48. THE FOUR ESSENTIALS OF RECOVERY • : • Integrate with Twelve Steps programs • Address the underlying distress sources of addictions • Help clients build their life’s path & their own program of recovery • Are based on holistic health principles utilizing individual skill development • Positive reinforcement is a natural effect of using these skills • Clients learn how to put into practice these skills & achieve better outcomes • It is imperative that we also attend to taking care of ourselves by practicing these skills with our clients, those whom we work with, as well as our family and friends

49. Four Essentials of Recovery • Those in long-term recovery meet the following criteria: • Believe They exhibit positive self-beliefs • Understand They show an internal sense of Emotional self-regulation/Nurturing self-care • Connect They achieve effective interpersonal relationships • ImagineerThey realize their own purpose and meaning

50. Questions?