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I QUIT!!!!

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  1. I QUIT!!!!

  2. Quit being Afraid of…… What Other Thinks

  3. Ever Feel This Way? “My need to be what other people wanted and expected was far to great to actually allow me to stand up.” “While I was a committed Christian for many years, my primary identity was not defined by God’s love but what others thought of me.” “I feel good about myself, as long as other people are okay w me”

  4. More…… You feel hurt by a friend but you said nothing about it. You get the wrong bill but because the shop is so busy you’re uncomfortable to ask about it You go w a group of friends to see a movie but you don’t like this particular movie and yet you go along You have a invitation. You’re tired. But you still go because you can’t face the disapproval later on

  5. Real Source of “Okay” We’re Made in God’s Image We’ve infinite value as human beings apart from anything we do We Have a New Identity in Christ. We’re good enough because of Christ. There is noting left to prove.

  6. Gery’s Story “My daily reality was that my lovability came not from Christ but from how others perceived me.” “I needed people to think that I was a great Christian & a good person”

  7. It’s OK & It’s Not Too Late! Peter (Matthew 26:31-75) Abraham (Genesis 12:10-20; 20:1-18) Reuben (Genesis 37:12-36) Aaron (Exodus 32) Timothy (1 Timothy 1)

  8. Four degree of love in Christianity Loving ourselves Become a Christian to avoid hell Loving God for His gifts and blessings Love God because what He has given us Loving God for himself alone Love God for His character Loving ourselves for the sake of God Taking care of ourselves well to do His will

  9. Reason to Stop Losing your own integrity Who you’re in front of public is different that who you’re by yourself. Gal 2:11-14. What/whom your love is affected. You realize if you keep continuing doing what you do you might lose something/someone dear to you Pain of present situation. The fear that things stay the same > the fear to change

  10. How to Monitor Progress Reflect on the movement of the heart. Pay attention when your heart try to please others by not being yourself. Reflect on the love of God. The more you ground your identity in the love of God, the less you need the approval of people for your sense of lovability

  11. Why We Need to do this? We can’t grow to spiritual adulthood if we don’t break free from needing the approval of others. Our growth will be stunted

  12. 2. Quit Lying To Yourself, Others, & God

  13. Have You Ever Feel This Way? Pretend that everything is OK and always have a positive emotion. Spin the truth to keep the peace. To “forgive” someone and yet have problems looking at them person for a long time after the “sorry” and “OK”

  14. Some Rules That Might Make You Lie Don’t show your feeling Don’t show off Don’t talk back/ fight Always be nice Akways be on time Always be good Obey authority Mistake can kill, so don’t make one

  15. Why Lie? Managing other people perception Threatened self esteem

  16. Cost of Lying Lying give a short term relief but at a cost: Lies become more complicated Relationship diminish in quality People trust us less Stress and anxiety level increases Our ability to love God and others - lessen

  17. Conflict When Truth Arises? Conflict is normal, important, and necessary when close relationships enter into a new cycle of growth and maturity. Truth spoke irresponsibly or disrespectful almost always creates unnecessary damage. Speaking the truth in love involves: respectful words, being responsible for our own thoughts and emotions, speaking in the “I”s. These are skills to be learned

  18. Lying to God Many people lie to God by only sharing what they think God wants to hear or what they ought to feel. Many Christians struggle with inner emotions that they feel they are not supposed to have.

  19. To start: Stop lying & tell the truth initially feel like a death because it has been so ingrained in us. When you quit lying, you ignite your spirituality Part of you that has been asleep will be awake, whether good or bad. You’re removing false layer and growing the real you Embrace your weaknesses. It makes you a safer, softer, and more approachable person

  20. 3. Quit Dying to….. The Wrong Things

  21. When? Devalue activities that cause your soul to feel full alive. Ignore important relationship. When your care for others are detrimental to yourself. When you fail to state your preferences, always deferring to others

  22. Reason behind it A lack of self respect Failure to grasp our personal dignity as made in the image of God

  23. The wrong “good Christians” Never say no Have active social calendar Juggle many things w/o complaining Get things done Put others needs before their own

  24. Dying to the right thing • The sinful part of us such as: • Defensiveness • Arrogance • Hypocrisy • Judgmental spirit • Finding our worth apart from him • Other more obvious sins

  25. Three area to focus In order to grow self knowledge and self awareness. Your story Your heart Your personality

  26. My Story Understanding the positive and negative legacies that we inherit from our past: family, friends, mentors, etc. Courageously admit what to hold on to and what to be changed

  27. My Heart Paying attention to the thought and feelings inside us Thoughts, beliefs, judgments, hopes, fears, beliefs Jot them down to connect w yourself If we bypass it – losing opportunity to transform ourselves

  28. My Personality • Introvert or extrovert? • What tempt you to substitute God’s love in order to find security and self worth: • To be right • To be needed • To succeed • To be special • To know • For certainty • To enjoy life • To be against • To avoid confrontation

  29. 4. Quit Denying…. Anger, Sadness, & Fear

  30. Anger A tool to clarify values Signal of deeper emotion Unmet expectations Be a sin

  31. Sadness The greatest teacher of all Bible affirms the expression of sadness (Isaiah 53:3) Experience it makes you more compassion toward other Scripture considers grieving losses as central to our spiritual growth Loss is a part of life .

  32. Fear Not admitting gives fear more power Fear of making mistakes, rejection, consequences from relaxing Imagine if you could make mistakes, be imperfect, and still be loved Psalm 46:10

  33. Guidelines to Quit Feel your feelings Balance, take care of your feeling, journaling Think through your feelings The reason to feel this way Take appropriate action

  34. Effect on not caring for our feeling Dishonest w our feelings stunt our spiritual growth Dishonesty in feeling create superficial spirituality

  35. 5. Quit Blaming

  36. The Blame Game Comfort us Keep us stuck in immaturity Illusion of helplessness thus irresponsibility Focus on what others supposed to do rather than one’s own

  37. 6 Signals of the Game Feel that you have been dealt “a bad hand” in life Think that you can’t change anything for the better View negative occurrences and relationships as being out of control Rarely believe you’re wrong Apologizing is a sign of weakness Dwell on the past

  38. Start to Take Responsibility Determine when, how, or even if you want to spend time with them. Rock the boat if necessary “ It took years of courage, honesty, hard work, and taking responsibility for ourselves. But now we enjoy intimacy and safety in our relationship that I couldn’t imagined when I was begging God to ‘fix’ him”

  39. Freedom Toolkit Boundaries Speak up Say yes or no Pay attention to feelings Take care of yourself Confront yourself Remain hopeful Think carefully Be courageous

  40. 1. Practice Boundaries Don’t be pressured to do something that you don’t agree/ want Respect the choices of others To practice need: God’s power, heroic courage, and support from others. Learn this. You’re worth it.

  41. 2. Speak Up You speak for yourself not against others. Speak w respect to ourselves and others. Not w/ manipulation/ control.

  42. 3. Say Yes/No Yes and No are loving words No is for you, not against others, and it doesn’t make you bad. Must be able to say no for a healthy yes. If you say yes for a no – erode integrity and hurt both parties (it’s a lie)

  43. 4. Pay Attention to Feelings Admitting disappointments humbly reveals & opens our hearts. Acknowledging happiness Journal what God speaks through your feelings (angry/sad/anxious/ glad)

  44. 5. Take care of Yourself We must first take care of ourselves before we can take care of others Doing things that refresh & give you life In touch w wishes, dreams, things that cause you to feel fully alive. Sabbath 

  45. 5. Confront Yourself Humbly acknowledging our shortcomings Responsible for our failures & disappointments Enable us to stop blaming and take control of our lives Full personal freedom comes w full personal truth

  46. 6. Remain Hopeful Unlock the truth and releases us from the prison of the past. “ I’ll never let that happen again” What I want Vs what I don’t want How difficult the past maybe, it doesn’t mean the future is impossible 

  47. 7. Think Carefully Ability to live wisely not foolishly Don’t go blindly/ make impulsive decisions, Proverbs 14:15 Pause, gather information, evaluate what we know about the issue Giving thoughts to our ways is both a privilege and a gift from God

  48. 8. Be Courageous Enable us to take healthy risks We don’t have to prove our worth to ear His love Authentic life requires courage & is not an easy life  pick redemptive over destructive Redemptive life makes you die to the right things closer to your destiny Destructive pain leads to more pain

  49. Reward of Quit Blaming Our sense of helplessness evaporates We realizes we’re not responsible for others choices We care and serve others while allowing them to mature & take responsibilities in their own burdens (Gal 6:2-4)

  50. 6. Quit Overfunctioning