What’s the Big Deal About a Bar/Bat -Mitzva? Dr. Aliza Lavie

1. What’s the Big Deal About a Bar/Bat -Mitzva? Dr. Aliza Lavie

2. תמונת שיא מרחבת הכותל: 300 חתני בר מצווה ביום אחד

3. “When the Ba’al Shem Tov saw that the Jewish people was about to be afflicted with suffering, he would go off to a certain place in the forest; there he would ignite a fire and pray with intense meditation. A miracle would occur, and the decree would be annulled. Later on, when his disciple, Rabbi Dov Ber – the Maggid of Mezerich – had to plead for mercy on behalf of Israel, he would go to the same place in the forest, where he would declare: “I do not know how to ignite the fire, but I am still able to offer the prayer” – and the same miracle would come to pass. Later still, Rabbi Moshe Leib of Sasov would go to the forest in order to save his people. He would say: “I do not know how to ignite the fire, nor do I know the prayer. But I am still able to find the place – and that will have to suffice.” And indeed, that sufficed. Eventually it fell to Rabbi Yisrael of Ruzhin to annul the decree. He sat upon his stately seat, his head between his hands, and spoke to the Holy One, blessed be He: “I do not know how to ignite the fire, nor do I know the prayer. I cannot even find the place in the forest. All I can do is to tell this story. That will have to suffice.” And indeed, that sufficed. (Gerschon Scholem, “Hassidism – The Final Stage”)

4. Age at which the commandments become obligatory “At the age of twelve years and one day, (a girl’s) vows are binding… At the age of thirteen years and one day, (a boy’s) vows are binding” (Nidda 45b) “Young girls are not to be afflicted (i.e., made to fast) on Yom Kippur, But they are to be educated a year or two before (they become obligated), in order that they will be accustomed to the commandments. … At the age of eight or nine, he is taught to fast for some hours; At the age of ten or eleven he should complete the fast – according to rabbinical decree. At the age of twelve, a girl should complete the fast – according to biblical law. … At the age of thirteen, a boy should complete the fast – according to biblical law.” (Babylonian Talmud, Yoma 82a)

5. Girls: • “At the age of twelve years and one day, her vows are binding” (Mishna, Nidda, chapter 5, mishna 4). • Generations of Jewish women have occupied themselves with the transmission and inculcation of the commandments among girls. However, the custom of celebrating the occasion of a girl reaching the age of bat-mitzva (literally, “one who is commanded”) originated in Italy, in the mid-19th century. • According to Binyamin ha-Shani, who visited North Africa around this time, it was customary in Algeria to hold a celebration for a bat-mitzva, but not so in Morocco. In Egypt (1907), Rabbi Eliyahu Bekhor Hazan, the spiritual leader of the community in Alexandria, would hold a celebration for bat-mitzva girls in the “Eliyahu ha-Navi” synagogue, “and he himself would teach the girls lessons in religion and Jewish history”. Over the course of the years, Ashkenazic and Sefardic rabbis alike came to address the issue of the bat-mitzva celebration. The “Ben Ish Hai” (Rabbi Yosef Haim of Baghdad, 1834-1901) wrote, a century ago, that “likewise a girl, on the day when she becomes obligated with regard to the commandments – although it has not been customary to hold a festive meal for her… and if she is able to, she should wear a new garment and recite the “shehehiyanu” blessing, intending it (for the new garment and) also for her entry into the obligation of the commandments.”

6. Rabbi Yitzhak Nissim suggested that it was proper that the girl should pray in the synagogue, and deliver a speech on a subject pertinent to the occasion – for example, Deborah’s song, or Hanna’s prayer. The girl’s father should recite the blessing, “Blessed… Who has exempted me…”, and the participants should offer the celebrant the blessing, “Our sister – may you become thousands of myriads” (Gen. 24:60). Rabbi Ovadia Yosef also endorses holding this ceremony. Following the Second World War, sensitive to the spirit of the times and the abject state of the Jewish people, Rabbi Yehiel Yaakov Weinberg (known as the “Seridei Eish”, after his book; one of the greatest of the Lithuanian rabbis), wrote: “Now we must concentrate all of our energies on the education of the girls… and common sense and the pedagogic principle make it almost obligatory to celebrate for a girl, too, her reaching the obligation of the commandments. This discrimination which is practiced between boys and girls, with regard to celebrating their maturity, severely offends the human feelings of the adolescent girl…”.

7. Boys: • The bar-mitzva ceremony is not obligatory: it is not commanded by the Torah, nor by the Oral Law. Even the most important book of halakha (Jewish law) – the Shulhan Arukh, authored by Rabbi Yosef Karo in the 16th century – makes no mention of it. • The most ancient source that makes reference to the age where the commandments become obligatory, is the Mishna (Avot, chapter 5, mishna 21), which teaches: “At the age of thirteen - (he attains) the commandments…”. • Angels accompanying the bar-mitzva boy: • “What is the meaning of (the words), “I shall bestow comforts on him and on his mourners” (Isaiah 57:18)? This teaches that the Holy One, blessed be He, performs kindness towards man. When (a boy) enters his thirteenth year, from then onwards, He gives him two guardian angels to watch over him – one on his right and one on his left. So long as this person pursues the straight road, they rejoice in him and increase their joy together with him, declaring before him, “Give honor to the image of the King (God)!” But when he walks a crooked path, they mourn over him and pass on from him. Then, since the Holy One, blessed be He, grasps him and leads him onto the straight path, therefore it is written, “I shall bestow comforts on him and on his mourners”: “I shall bestow comforts on him” – in the beginning, since he regrets what he did earlier and what he has done since then, and he repents; and then “to his mourners” – meaning, the angels who had mourned for him when they passed on from him.” • (Zohar, Mishpatim, 106b)

8. Bar-Mitzva in Worms Bar-Mitzva celebration in 13th-century Worms, Germany – very similar to our celebration today, but held at the “third meal” on Shabbat: “On the Shabbat immediately after the boy is thirteen years and one day old, most of the bar-mitzva boys perform the public Torah reading. They begin, “Ve-ya’azor ve-yagen” with the melody… And there are bar-mitzva boys who have sweet voices and who are proficient in leading the prayer service, and who lead the “Barekhu” prayer at the beginning of Shabbat (i.e., in the evening), as well as the morning service and the additional service – all of these, or whichever prayers they are able to… The father clothes his son in new and elegant attire for the bar-mitzva; he dons them at the beginning of Shabbat. And at the afternoon service on Shabbat he holds a festive meal for him: the beadle does not call (the congregants) to this meal; rather, a little time before the afternoon service, the bar-mitzva boy calls all those who are invited to share the mitzvah… and he tells everyone to share with him the third meal of his bar-mitzva feast.”

9. Donning tefillin in the Debrecen ghetto (June, 1944) – Moshe Porat “I awaken: someone has touched my shoulder and shaken me gently. Now I see my uncle bending over me. He whispers to me in a soft but determined voice: “Moisheleh, you know that today is your bar-mitzva day?... Are you ready to put on tefillin today and to pray?...” “I’m ready!” I whispered clearly to my uncle. I took the tefillin out of the rucksack. These were the tefillin that my father had purchased on his last holiday, before the Germans invaded the city and closed us into the ghetto, from which we had been thrown out two days earlier. They were new tefillin; tefillin for a boy who had reached the age of the commandments. In the preceding weeks, in the cramped and crowded ghetto where we had been staying, I had studied the special laws pertaining to tefillin – what to do with them, how to don them, kiss them, remove them. I had practiced winding the tefillin straps around my exposed arm and around the fingers of my left hand. And although I could have started putting on tefillin during the weeks before I became bar-mitzva, as most boys do, I had refrained from doing so, for I wanted to wear the tefillin for the first time with my father at my side. But father had been taken from us, and now the day had come when I was obligated in the commandments, and I could no longer postpone donning the tefillin. However, there was a problem: upon our arrival in the Debrecen ghetto, the camp commander had announced various prohibitions, including the possession of ritual objects, religious dress, and prayer practices. This included Torah scrolls and religious books, tallitot (prayer shawls), and tefillin. An accompanying “punishment” had been stipulated.

10. I placed the tefillin bag inside my shirt, and slipped my prayerbook inside, too. With my uncle holding my hand, we made our way among the masses of our Jewish brethren laying all about. We progressed towards our destination – the brick-burning oven. We went down into the dark cellar, and in an alcove illuminated slightly by a small window, we came to a halt. With great reverence I took out the tefillin for my arm, removed the protective box, placed my arm inside the loop, and recited the blessing- “Blessed are You… Who has sanctified us with His commandments, and commanded us to don tefillin” – in a whisper, but enunciating clearly. Dear Peter Zissman answered me with a silent “Amen”, like those who had sanctified God’s Name during other times of persecution. My excitement gradually subsided; I wound seven times around my arm. Then, the head tefillin and the blessing, “concerning the commandment of tefillin”, and again, a sweet, wonderful “Amen”, and windings around my finger: “And I shall betroth you unto Me forever, and I shall betroth you unto Me in righteousness, in justice, in kindness and in compassion, and I shall betroth you unto Me in faith.” טלית מטרנזשטאט

11. Prayer Prayer of a Boy on the Day He Becomes Bar-Mitzva “Master of the universe – I stand before You with great joy that You have kept me alive and sustained me and brought me to this time. How auspicious this day is for me, as I become bar-mitzva. From now onwards, all of Your commandments are incumbent upon me. For this my heart rejoices and my esteem is exalted. For this, too, I rejoice: we have been taught by Your servants, the sages of Israel, that when a Jewish man reaches the eve of his fourteenth year, an upright spirit is renewed within him, and a positive inclination comes to aid him and to benefit him to perform the will of our Father in heaven. For all this, Lord our God, we give thanks to You and praise Your name. May the Name of the Lord be blessed and exalted beyond all blessing and praise.

12. Yet, a trembling seizes me for I am aware of my disgrace, my shame, my dishonor. For until now I have squandered my days on nothingness and my years in confusion, spending little time on Your service, and doing nothing of worth. Therefore I am afraid that, heaven forefend, I may not be a ready receptacle, and may not merit an upright spirit. For this my heart is pained. My heart is also fearful since from now onwards I am culpable, and I fear lest, heaven forefend, my evil inclination overcome me and I am not able to combat it, and it might cause me to transgress the will of my Maker. I recall this and I pour out my soul; I know of no remedy but to bring my supplication before You, for You hear the prayer of every mouth and act righteously towards all flesh. Therefore, My Lord, hear my voice as I cry out, and be gracious towards me; do not recall the sins and transgressions of my youth. Remember me according to Your kindness, for the sake of Your goodness, Lord. O God – create a pure heart for me, and renew an upright spirit within me. Restore to me the gladness of Your salvation, and spread a generous spirit over me, and shower me from on high with an abundance of sanctity and purity, to serve You in truth, always, for all my life: complete service, wholehearted service, in fear and love and great joy, as is proper. And may the flames of the awakening love and fear of You always remain, and multiply within me continually. Thrust me away from the evil inclination, and allow me to cleave to the good inclination.

13. I pray You, “I am Who I am”: be my aid amongst all of Israel, Your people. Assist me, God of our salvation, for the sake of the glory of Your Name. Help us to strengthen ourselves in Torah, and in fear of You, and to perform Your service continually, and to fulfill Your will according to Your will, for all of our lives. Let us not sin against you, nor against others. Our King, grant us good counsel from before You, that we may be whole in our traits and our thoughts and in every manner of wholeness, and let no mishap arise from our actions, nor anything that is not proper. May we find grace and good understanding in the eyes of God and man. May we merit to complete the perfection of our life-force, spirit and soul in this incarnation, that we may not be put to shame; Amen, so may it be His will. Our Father in heaven – You know the inclination of man’s heart, which is evil from his youth. It is fire, and we are flesh and blood. I pray You – behold our affliction, and remember that we are dust. See how our strength is gone, and there is none shut up or left, and there is no savior but You; we have no king, aid or support but You. Help us for the sake of the glory of Your Name, and cause us to walk in Your statutes and to observe Your ways. May we perform Your will as our will all the days of our lives. And may we merit to live and inherit goodness and blessing for the life of the World to Come, in order that my soul may sing to You and not be silent; Lord my God – forever I shall give thanks to You. And from Your blessing may the household of my father, my shepherd, be blessed. Lengthen my days in goodness and my years in pleasantness, and may I not toil for nothing. May my father rejoice in his offspring and may my mother be glad for the fruit of her womb, when they see that I am whole in my traits and my thoughts and in every manner of wholeness.

14. And as You have kept me alive and brought me to this time, so may You give me life and sustain me and bring me to the marriage canopy and to good deeds, and do not forsake me until old age and the end of my life. Answer me, O Lord, answer me; turn to me and be gracious towards me; grant Your strength to Your servant and save the son of your maidservant. Treat Your servant in accordance with Your kindness, and teach Me Your statutes. You are good and beneficent; teach me Your statutes. Guide me in Your truth and teach me that You are the God of my salvation. I long for You all the day. Open my eyes, that I may observe wonders from Your Torah. Act for the sake of Your great mercy and for the sake of our holy forefathers – Abraham, Isaac and Israel, Your servants, and for the sake of all of the righteous and pious ones, may their memory protect us, Amen. May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart find favor before You, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Amen; so may it be His will. (Melitz Tov)

15. Young Girl’s Prayer – Fanny Neuda (1855)

16. Young Girl’s Prayer – Fanny Neuda (1855) “Grace is deceiving and beauty is transient; a woman who fears God—she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30) “Our God Who is in heaven and on earth, God Who is good: You attend to all of Your creatures; faithful Father, all of Your creations take refuge under Your wings. You have called me, too, Your daughter; to me, too, You extend Your love—an eternal love. My childhood has passed in green pastures; I thank you for my happy youth; I thank You for what I am. You have given me all kinds of goodness: a dear mother and father at my side, guiding me with gentleness and love, with advice and help, caring for me and sustaining me, enhancing my life with sweet and heartwarming joys. With humility, my Lord, I approach You, revealing the hidden secrets of my heart, and offering thanks to You. You see into my soul; my innermost being is before You as an open book. No emotion that moves my heart, no breath, no utterance of my voice, no thought that animates my soul—none is hidden from Your eyes. If only all my emotions, my thoughts, and my actions might find favor and grace before You. Deliver me from the evil inclination and imbue my heart with submission and humility.

17. Our Father Who is in heaven: guide my heart to choose the way that is good and not to deviate from the straight path. Wherever I—lacking experience—am unable to distinguish between good and evil, grace me with Your wisdom, teach me to recognize the truth, that I may maintain modesty and good traits, that I may punctiliously observe Your words and Your commandments with faith and with love, and walk before You wholeheartedly and with devotion. Let my heart not follow vanity and emptiness, and let the pleasures of the world not cloud my vision, that I not waste my precious life—the life given to me to fulfill my obligations. May it be Your will that I not turn, in a moment of frivolity, from the words of Your mouth; that virginal honor and a pure heart be a precious adornment for me. Bless me, my Lord, with understanding and insight, with a healthy body and soul, with a heart that is joyful and content. May I never deviate from the commandment of honoring one’s father and mother, and not offend or anger my dear parents, so that I may succeed in bringing them happiness through my actions. Bestow Your blessing, my God, upon my loved ones; that illness, trouble, and anxiety never be their lot; that they may enjoy success in their endeavors and fulfillment of their hearts’ wishes; and may their occupations and work bear abundant fruit. Bless them, my God, with long life, that they may rejoice in their lifetimes with strength and good health of body and soul; Amen.”

18. A Mother’s Prayer Aliza Lavie “Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for itself, where it may lay its young - Your altars, Lord of Hosts, my King, my God” (Tehillim 84:4) I give thanks before You, O King, living and enduring God, for having made me Your partner in this child. It was for this boy that I prayed. I therefore give thanks to You, for his life and for our lives that are given over into Your hand, for Your favors at all times, and for having given us that which we asked of You. We, his father and mother, offer prayer to the God of all the universe that He watch over his ways, guard his conduct, and guide him on the path of love, fraternity and friendship. God of our matriarchs – Sarah, Rebeccaa, Rachel and Leah; God Who is good and beneficent: I give thanks to You for having heard my prayers in pregnancy and having hearkened to the pains of my travail, and having blessed our family with the fruit of the womb, and allowing us to bring him under the yoke of Your commandments, at a good and auspicious time. May it be Your will, Master of peace, that this boy – who this day assumes the yoke of Your commandments and Your ways – will enjoy true peace and eternal love, liberty and freedom, like his name - Dror (David), according to Your words, O God, to the children of Israel: “And you shall declare freedom (dror) in the land to all of its inhabitants”. And may it be Your will that all countries be redeemed and free, with no human servitude at all.

19. And may the boy be blessed amongst the congregation of Israel, and in all of the world, and may his soul be blessed. May he be part of the repairing of the world in Your Kingdom, in Your great goodness. God of thanksgiving – may his prayer before You be blessed with peace and with perfection of character. Garb this son of mine in sanctity and purity, and may we all – his parents, grandparents, sisters, family and dear company who have joined us – enjoy a complete celebration, goodheartedness, and great blessing. And may the prayers of my parents and grandparents, and the longings of all the generations, be fulfilled in him. And may it be Your will that my sins and transgressions not withhold from him all the goodness in the world, an inheritance of wisdom and discernment of knowledge. May the heritage of my nation, the customs of the exiles that have gathered together and come to our family from the four corners of the world, stand him in good stead; above all – the inculcation of the value of love of man. Blessed is He Who, in His holiness, has given Torah and freedom to His people, Israel; Blessed is He! Blessed are You, Master of all the worlds; blessed is the crown of Your glory and blessed is the throne of Your kingship. Grant us the light of life and the hidden light, concerning which it is written, “And God said, ‘Let there be light’ – and there was light’; Amen.

20. In the merit of my patriarchs and matriarchs – please hearken to my heart’s wishes; guard this child for me here, in this land, and upon the face of the earth. I pray You, my God – let the blessing of the heavens above rest upon him. Let his days be good, “and let him find grace and favor and good counsel in the eyes of God and of man”. “The least one shall become a thousand, and the youngest one – a great nation”. You, Lord – hasten it at its time. And may he be before You like a tree planted by brooks of water; it brings forth its fruit at the proper season, and its leaves do not wither, and in all that he does he will succeed. And may his prayers always be accepted before You, along with the supplications of all of Your nation, Israel, at all times and at every hour, with Your peace. Fill our domain with the study of Torah, and grant us length of days and years bless of life in love and fraternity and peace, to love Your holy Name. I am the woman standing before You, my God, presenting my supplication and my prayer, as on every day. “From the straits I called to God; God answered me with expansiveness”. And as for me, my God – grant me the joy of caring for my children and my family for many more years, with blessed maternal love and satisfaction, Amen.