Verbal De-escalation in the Classroom: Understanding Behaviors and Conflict Cycle

1. Verbal De-escalation The Classroom Approach Presented by: Andrew Brown

2. Why do behaviors happen? • What we know children need. • What is escalation and what does it look like? • What can I do when a child is escalating? • The Conflict Cycle • The Power of Words • The Art of Setting Limits • Resources Agenda

3. The Foundations Exposure to violence (real and fictional) Mental Health (ED, PTSD, RAD, Bipolar, ADHD) Sexual Abuse (1 in 20 boys & 1 in 5 girls are victims) Family Dynamic (Dysfunctional, single or no parent, incarceration) “It seems like kids are different than they used to be”

4. The Foundations Fathers Video

5. The End Result Disrespect – Challenging authority Non-compliance – Refusal to work Disruption – Interrupting the learning of others Intimidation – Verbally or physically threatening Physical Aggression – Fighting, destroying property

6. Overcoming Adversity The Magic Ratio… Nobel Prize-winning scientist Daniel KahnemanEach day we experience approximately 20,000 momentsA moment is defined as a few seconds in which our brain records an experience The quality of a day is determined by how our brain recognizes and categorizes moments… POSITIVENEGATIVEorNEUTRAL

7. Overcoming Adversity The Magic Ratio… Rarely do we remember neutral memories Memories of our lives are recorded in terms of positive and negative experiences Our brains keep track of our positive and negative momentsThe resulting score contributes to our overall mood

8. Overcoming Adversity The Magic Ratio… Psychologist John Sottman'sexploration of positive-to-negative ratios in marriages Using the “Magic Ratio” of 5:1, Sottman met with 700 newlywed couples After one 15 minute interview with each, he made predictions on divorce ratesTen years later, a follow up was done and found that Sottman was 94% accurate

9. Overcoming Adversity Current research indicates many children experience a 3:1to15:1ratio in favor of negative interactions over positive. Do the math: 20,000 moments in a day = 5,833 in a school day. 5:1 Ratio =4,861 Positives in a school day!

10. It’s Starting To Heat Up Signs of Escalation Questioning Refusal Release Intimidation Tension Reduction Source: Crisis Prevention Institute Principles of Non-Violent Crisis Prevention Intervention

11. Signs of Escalation Intervene Early and Respond(Don’t Ignore) - Five Universal Truths of Human Interaction People feel the need to be respected People would rather be asked than be told People have a desire to know why People prefer to have options People want to have a second chance Source: Dr. George Thompson; Verbal Judo Institute

12. Responding Questioning – Refusal - Release - Intimidation - Tension Reduction - Ignore challenges, respond, SET LIMITS SET LIMITS – Prepare to enforce Allow to vent. Remove audience or the individual Take threats seriously, seek assistance Re-establish communication Source: Crisis Prevention Institute Principles of Non-Violent Crisis Prevention Intervention

13. Staff Counter-aggression Our intent is to help troubled students… Yet some can bring out our anger or frustration

14. Staff Counter-aggression “Through the eyes of counter-aggression,all events in life take on a new meaning.” ~ Nicholas J. Long

15. Counter-aggression Basics A Part of Human History A Part of Our Society A Biological Instinct Number One Reason for Increase in Student Violence Our Own Counter-aggression Prevents Us From Helping Children - Law of the Jungle, Need to Conquer or Protect - Politicians, Police, Military – Designed to Punish - Survival of the Species, Seen in Animal Kingdom

16. Adult Counter-aggression Reaction To Being Caught In Student’s Conflict Cycle Accounts for 50% of negative interactions Source: F. Redl (1966)- When We Deal With Children N.J. Long (1995) – Why Adults Strike Back

17. C O N F L I C T C Y C L E Source: F. Redl (1966)- When We Deal With Children N.J. Long (1995) – Why Adults Strike Back

18. C O N F L I C T C Y C L E 1. An incident occurs that activates the student’s irrational beliefs (“Nothing good ever happens to me,” “Adults are unfair!” etc…), which defines the stressful incident Source: F. Redl (1966)- When We Deal With Children N.J. Long (1995) – Why Adults Strike Back

19. C O N F L I C T C Y C L E 2. These negative beliefs and thoughts trigger and determine the intensity of the students feelings. Source: F. Redl (1966)- When We Deal With Children N.J. Long (1995) – Why Adults Strike Back

20. C O N F L I C T C Y C L E 3. Inappropriate behaviors appear that are driven by the student’s feelings and not rooted in rational beliefs. Source: F. Redl (1966)- When We Deal With Children N.J. Long (1995) – Why Adults Strike Back

21. C O N F L I C T C Y C L E 4. The inappropriate behaviors incite adults and raise their level of stress. Source: F. Redl (1966)- When We Deal With Children N.J. Long (1995) – Why Adults Strike Back

22. C O N F L I C T C Y C L E 5. Adults pick up the students and often will mirror the behaviors. Source: F. Redl (1966)- When We Deal With Children N.J. Long (1995) – Why Adults Strike Back

23. C O N F L I C T C Y C L E 6. The negative adult reactions increase the student’s level of stress, escalating the conflict into a self-defeating crisis. Source: F. Redl (1966)- When We Deal With Children N.J. Long (1995) – Why Adults Strike Back

24. C O N F L I C T C Y C L E 7. Ultimately, the student may lose this battle (receive punishment), but win the war. The child’s irrational beliefs about adults are reinforced. The child then has no motivation to change the irrational beliefs or the inappropriate behaviors that can result. Source: F. Redl (1966)- When We Deal With Children N.J. Long (1995) – Why Adults Strike Back

25. Adult Counter-aggression Reaction To Being Caught In Student’s Conflict Cycle Reaction To The Violation of Our Personal Values Source: F. Redl (1966)- When We Deal With Children N.J. Long (1995) – Why Adults Strike Back

26. Adult Counter-aggression Reaction To The Violation of Our Personal Values Occurs when students attack and deprecate an adult’s internalized and cherished belief systems regarding how children should behave. Source: F. Redl (1966)- When We Deal With Children N.J. Long (1995) – Why Adults Strike Back

27. Adult Counter-aggression Staff counter-aggressive behavior has no therapeutic purpose in helping relationships with troubled students. Counter-aggressive behavior destroys the effectiveness of staff intervention and succeeds only in reinforcing troubled students’ beliefs that all adults in their lives are rejecting and punitive. Source: F. Redl (1966)- When We Deal With Children N.J. Long (1995) – Why Adults Strike Back

28. The Power of Words “Rules without relationships lead to rebellion” -Josh McDowell Video Link

29. The Power of Words Sticks & stones may break our bones…

31. The Art of Setting Limits Recognize that we cannot force individuals to behave appropriately. Children have freewill. A child will not change behavior unless we consistently demonstrate we are changing our behavior

32. The Art of Setting Limits The Power of Choice Language Offer a child choices and state the consequences of those choices starting with the positive choice first. Give a few seconds of “think time” for the child to make a decision.

33. The Art of Setting Limits The Power of Choice Language Be prepared to act on the choice the child makes. Be prepared to enforce consequences.

34. The Art of Setting Limits Keys to setting limits Keep it simple and clear Keep it reasonable Must be enforceable Stay calm

35. The Art of Setting Limits Keys to setting limits Use non-threatening tone Use non-threatening body language When their voice gets loud, lower yours Use minimal language and visuals

36. The Art of Setting Limits Keys to setting limits– Finer points Ask a child to do what you would like them to do rather than telling them to stop a behavior. Use “I need” instead of “you need”.

37. The Art of Setting Limits Keys to setting limits– Finer points Acknowledge what the child does right and show appreciation for correct choices. “I know it is hard for you to…, so I appreciate you making a good choice”

38. The Art of Setting Limits Keys to setting limits– Finer points There’s no rule that is more important than the child The goal of setting limits is to teach not punish. Through setting and enforcing limits, children learn that their actions, positive or negative, have predictable consequences.

39. The Art of Setting Limits The Power of Choice Language Puts ownership of choices on the child Simplifies behavior management Helps children connect behaviors to consequences

40. The Art of Setting Limits The Power of Choice Language Promotes decision making skills Provides children with guidance in a respectful manner

41. The Art of Setting Limits The Power of Choice Language Promotes decision making skills Provides children with guidance in a respectful manner

42. De-escalate, Motivate, Educate Emotions Video

43. De-escalate, Motivate, Educate Movement Breaks: Heavy work Physical activity

44. De-escalate, Motivate, Educate Calming Activities: Tactile and sensory Breathing activities

45. De-escalate, Motivate, Educate Social Emotional Development State Standards: State Goal 31Develop an awareness of personal identity and positive self- concept State Goal 32 Demonstrate a respect and responsibility for self and others

46. De-escalate, Motivate, Educate Supporting the Goals: Choice LanguageInterventions

47. References Crisis Prevention Institute (CPI). (2005). Non-violent Crisis Intervention Dr. George Thompson. Verbal Judo Institute American Psychological Association. http://www.apa.org/education/k12/relationships.aspx Battistich, V., Schaps, E., & Wilson, N.  (2004).  Effects of an elementary school intervention on students' "connectedness" to school and social adjustment during middle school. The Journal of Primary Prevention, 24(3), 243-262. Baker, J. A.  (2006).  Contributions of teacher-child relationships to positive school adjustment during elementary school. Journal of School Psychology, 44, 211-229.