How Do you operate in conflict?

1. How Do you operate in conflict? DFW NIGP Professional Development Day October 10, 2013 Presented By: Nicole C. Mucha, MA, CPSM

2. Training Objectives Understand how YOU Operate in Conflict • Conflict Myths, Misconceptions and Truth • Identify 5 Styles of Managing Conflict • Uncover Your Style • Recognize Others • Tailor Your Approach to Any Conflict Situation • Dealing with Difficult People • Use the CALM Method “Every conflict we face in life is rich with positive and negative potential. It can be a source of inspiration, enlightenment, learning, transformation, and growth–or rage, fear, shame, entrapment, and resistance. The choice is not up to our opponents, but to us, and our willingness to face and work through them.” – Kenneth Cloke and Joan Goldsmith

3. Conflict Myths, Misconceptions and Truth • Myths & Misconceptions • It is always bad • Someone is always wrong, and you’re always right • Conflict will resolve itself over time • People always know when they are part of a conflict • It only affects the 2 parties involved • It happens because of a stubborn or uncaring attitude Truth • Conflict can be a good thing! • Can produce creative results/solutions • Conflict is rarely easy 2 Basic Needs of all Human Beings  To be self expressed  To be heard

4. Conflict Are you a… ? Shark Owl Fox Teddy Bear Turtle

5. 5 Styles of Managing Conflict Competing Win-Lose Collaborating Win-Win-Win Goals Compromising Win-Win Accommodating Lose-Win Avoiding Lose-Lose Relationship

6. 5 Styles of Managing Conflict Competing Style (the Shark) A competitive style means that a person is putting his/her interests before anyone else’s interests. Competing Win-Lose • Best Times to Use This Style: • When the other will be very competitive. • When important others expect you to compete. • When the stakes are high. Goals Relationship

7. 5 Styles of Managing Conflict Collaborating Style (the Owl) A collaborative conflict style enables people to work together so everyone can win. Using this style, people try to find a solution that will help everyone meet their interests and help everyone maintain a good relationship. Collaborating Win-Win-Win • Best Times to Use This Style: • When the issue is complex and requires creativity. • When there is a long-term relationship. • When their implementation of the decision is necessary. Goals Relationship

8. 5 Styles of Managing Conflict Accommodating Style (the Teddy Bear) The accommodating style requires someone to put their interests last and let others have what they want. Many times people believe that keeping a good relationship is more important than anything else. • Best Times to Use This Style: • When the issue is trivial to you. • When harmony in the relationship is all-important. • When you are the low power party in a serious power imbalance. • When you want to build trust in the other by demonstrating a protection of their interests. Goals Accommodating Lose-Win Relationship

9. 5 Styles of Managing Conflict Avoiding Style (the Turtle) The avoiding style is used when someone does not get involved in a conflict. A person choosing the avoiding style might say “you decide and leave me out of it.” • Best Times to Use This Style: • When the issue is trivial to you. • When there is no long-term relationship. Goals Avoiding Lose-Lose Relationship

10. 5 Styles of Managing Conflict Compromising Style (the Fox) A compromising style is important when someone wants to satisfy some of their interests, but not all of them. People who compromise are likely to say, “let’s split the difference” or “something is better than nothing.” • Best Times To Use This Style: • When the other will be very competitive. • When important others expect you to compete. • When the stakes are high. • Best Times to Use This Style: • When there are truly finite resources. • When there are no means to increase the divisible resources. Competing Win-Lose Compromising Win-Win Goals Relationship

11. Let’s Practice

12. Dealing with Difficult People Dealing with difficult people can be.. difficult!

13. Dealing with Difficult People • Make sure YOU’re not the difficult person • Do a little self-reflection, check your role in the conflict • Make sure your need to be heard & self-expression is manifesting itself in a positive way • Take a “time out” if need be • Keep it Respectful • Don’t meet difficult behavior with difficult behavior • Avoid “you”, “always” and “never” statements • Try the CALM Model • Clarify the issue • Address the problem • Listen to the other side • Manage your way to resolution

14. Dealing with Difficult People - CALM • CLARIFY the Issue • Define and understand the issue you are dealing with • Dissect the Conflict – move it from your heart to your head by answering these clarifying questions: • What am I upset about?● What exactly am I feeling and why?●How may I have contributed to the problem? ● Am I overreacting?● What will successful resolution look like? ● How would I want to be approached about the conflict? • ADDRESS the Problem • Don’t ignore the person or the issue. • Instead, attack the problem.. not the person, use a non-accusatory opening that ask for the other person’s cooperation (i.e. “I need your help to solve a problem I’m facing.”) • When discussing – describe in specific, factual, and non-accusatory terms • LISTEN to the Other Side • Give your total attention • Acknowledge that you are listening (“Okay, “I see, “I understand,” etc.) • NEVER interrupt • Ask questions and seek clarification in a non-threatening way: • “I’m not sure I really understand. Could you go over that again?” • Paraphrase / Summarize: • “Jason, let me make sure I understand. You’re saying that….Is this correct?” • Concentrate on the words and behaviors of the person you are speaking with in order to understand where he/she is coming from and why the person feels the way they do. Once you have that knowledge, you should be in a better position to resolve differences and work together more productively. • MANAGE your way to a Resolution • Gain agreement that a problem exists. • Identify each other’s concerns and needs. • Explore possible win-win solutions. • Agree on a course of action. • Determine how missteps will be handled. • Closing on a positive note. • Role Play: Work Schedule Conflict

15. In Summary • Conflict Management • Conflict can be a good thing and when handled appropriately can lead to healthy interactions with creative solutions. • Dealing with difficult people is inevitable. Understanding your own style of conflict helps. • 5 Styles of Conflict Management • Accommodating Style (the Teddy Bear) • Avoiding Style (the Turtle) • Collaborating Style (the Owl) • Competing Style (the Shark) • Compromising Style (the Fox) • Each style is appropriate in certain situations. • Each style is a balance of competing interests: the Goals vs. Relationships • When dealing with difficult people, make sure the difficult person is not YOU. • Try to remain CALM when dealing with difficult people: • Clarify the issue • Address the problem • Listen to the other side • Manage your way to resolution • In an environment of change, where it often feels as though we don’t have any control – we have the opportunity to positively impact those around us through our everyday interactions. “The test of a successful person is not an ability to eliminate all problems before they arise, but to meet and work out difficulties when they do arise.” – David J. Schwartz