Crafting Constructive Conflict: Principles and Practices

Crafting Constructive Conflict:Principles and Practices Karen L. Poulin, Ph.D. Washington State University Extension-Clark County Jana S. Ferris Washington State University Extension-Snohomish County

Introduce a basic model for understanding & dealing strategically with conflict Explore your individual approach to conflict Learn & practice core skills Understand why efforts to deal with conflict often fail Workshop Objectives

What do you believe about conflict? Exploring Assumptions About Conflict

“Conflict can and should be avoided” Conflict is a normal part of life Conflict can be a source of creativity, energy & learning “Conflict is a bad thing” Conflict in itself is neither positive or negative Responses to conflict can be either destructive or constructive Common Assumptions About Conflict & Alternative Views

In your experiences, over what kinds of issues do people have conflict? Exploring Sources About Conflict

Limited resources Time Money Property Different Values Beliefs Priorities Unmet basic needs Physical Psychological Common Sources of Conflict

Large Group: brainstorm “Five Typical 4-H Conflicts” Within your group: determine the possible source of the conflict. Skill Building:Identifying Source

Choose a general approach to problem-solving Take specific steps to implement the approach Use general principles to guide the process “Getting to Yes” Basic Components of a Constructive Process:

Negotiation: Disputing parties or representatives meet face to face to resolve dispute, unassisted Mediation: neutral 3rd party (mediator) assists disputants or their representatives Consensus Decision-Making: Group process, ith or w/out assistance, collaborate to resolve “Getting to Yes”: 3 Common Problem-Solving Approaches

Set the stage Gather perspectives Identify interests Create options Evaluate options Generate agreement 6 Concrete Steps to Problem-Solving

Separate people from the problem: Differentiate between relationship & substantive issues Focus on interests, not positions: Identify underlying motivations for what is wanted Invent options for mutual gain: Brainstorm without evaluating Use objective criteria to evaluate options: Select standards against which to evaluate options Implementing Problem-Solving: 4 Principles

History of the situation Past critical incidents can intrude on present Emotional reaction can retain original intensity Personal histories of participants Strategies learned from family-based experiences can later be maladaptive Early traumatic experiences can trigger response mediated by limbic system instead of frontal cortex The Potent Role of History: The Past in the Present

Perception Abilities Emotion Abilities Communication Abilities Creative & Critical Thinking Abilities Foundational Abilities for Constructive Conflict

Empathy: Seeing situation as other does Self-Evaluation: Recognizing personal fears, style Suspending Judgment: Putting aside blame long enough to have an exchange of ideas Perception Abilities

Choose a partner Each person tells partner about conflict situation they’ve experienced First tell from point of view of self Then tell from point of view of other Skill-Building: Developing Empathy through Perspective

Complete Adult Conflict Style Inventory From your point of view From a significant other’s viewpoint Group results? Debrief: What did you find out? Skill Building: Self-Reflection & Self-Awareness

Collaborating Forcing Compromising Avoiding Accommodating Conflict Styles: Personal Preferences

Soft: withdrawing, ignoring, denying, giving in Hard: threatening, pushing, hitting, yelling Principled: listening, understanding, respecting, resolving “Soft” & “Hard” strategies yield lose-lose or win-lose results “Principled” strategies yield win-win results Another Way to Think About Response Style: The “Getting to Yes” Model

Recognizing emotions (yours & theirs) Vocabulary for emotions Dual attention to internal and external events Self-control to prevent over-reaction to others’ emotional outbursts Emotion Abilities

“Take a break”: Appropriate exits Inform other(s) you need break (don’t just storm out) Let them know when you’ll be back to finish “Take a deep breath”: Breathing techniques Physically impossible to sustain stress response & relaxation response at same time Diaphragmatic breathing induces relaxation response Simple De-escalation Techniques to Balance Emotions

While standing, place one hand on chest, one on abdomen Breath slowly and deeply, filling lower part of chest cavity with air Success indicator: As you breath, hand on chest stays still; hand on abdomen moves up and down with inhalation Skill Building: Diaphragmatic Breathing

How Do You Do It?????

Substantive Procedural Psychological Clarify Needs

What are your Desired Outcomes? • Which needs are threatened? • Which needs most need to be negotiated at this time? • Alternatives? • What about the other person? • What do I really want to happen?

Space Is the space neutral? Mutually convenient/inconvenient? Time Is it scheduled for a realistic time for all parties? Is there enough time to do it right? Ground Rules Agreed upon by all parties Sets the tone Safe Place to Negotiate

Expressing emotions & wants in non-aggressive, non-inflammatory ways “Active” listening skills to convey accurate understanding of other’s experience Constructive feedback skills to work out tensions on ongoing basis Communication Abilities

Listener reflects content & emotions Listener refrains from editorializing Main skills are non-verbal encouragers, summarizing, paraphrasing What I hear you saying is… If I understand you correctly… Let me see if I’m getting your point… Core Skill: Active Listening

Focus is on observable behaviors rather than “mindread” intentions Describe what was done well; give specific example Describe what could be done differently next time to improve; be specific; focus on what to DO rather than on what NOT to do. Invite reaction/response Core Skill: Constructive Feedback

Form small groups (triads if possible) Take turns as listener, speaker, observer Speaker describes a memorable conflict situation s/he experienced or observed: Be detailed; use non-inflammatory language Listener practices active listening Observer offers constructive feedback to listener re: active listening, to speaker re: language Large group debrief Skill Building: Active Listening & Constructive Feedback

Problem Solving With flexibility

Creative Thinking Abilities Considering the situation from several perspectives Brainstorming “outside the box” Critical Thinking Abilities Recognizing underlying criteria & standards for evaluating possibilities Establishing & applying criteria & standards for evaluating possibilities Creative & Critical Thinking Abilities

“Multiple intelligence”: Many ways and skills for knowing We tend to use rationale-language based processes to deal with conflict Cutting edge organizations beginning to explore alternatives (e.g., team lego) Practice for fun: Draw “conflict”. Then, explain your drawing to your partner. Skill Building: Approaching Conflict “Creatively”

Go back to desired outcomes Check your own energy level Take breaks Manage Impasse

Frequent emphasis on cognitive skills & processes, rush to problem-solving (rather than problem-setting through deep listening) Emotional/ psychological components often minimized, or avoided Variability & reality of stress/cortisol response underestimated Potent role of history often misjudged History of situation/problem Personal histories of participants Why Conflict Resolution Strategies Often Fail

What might you take away from today’s experience? Recap & Final Debriefing

Final Questions and/or Comments? THANK YOU! And Last But Not Least…

Crafting Constructive Conflict: Principles and Practices