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Table Manners Manners are important in society. They help us to be civil to one another. Because a person who minds their manners knows how to act in every circumstance he tends to feel comfortable in unfamiliar surroundings.
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Table Manners Manners are important in society. They help us to be civil to one another. Because a person who minds their manners knows how to act in every circumstance he tends to feel comfortable in unfamiliar surroundings. Nowhere are manners more important that at the table. Table manners prevent diners from being sloppy, offensive and boorish. They help to communicate respect to hosts and guests alike. Table manners are not hard and fast rules, rather they are helpful guidelines in our social relationships. This Presentation contains the following helpful sections:- Basic Rules for the individual.- How to handle tricky foods.- How to set a table.- How to seat your guests.- We answer your questions about manners.- W.J. Rayment answers a question about cheesecake manners.- A few helpful links.
Basic Table Manners Good basic table manners are important because they ensure that both guests and hosts are comfortable at the table. Table manners are mostly common sense. Following these will carry you through most common situations from Formal Dinners to a night of poker with the guys. 1. Sit up straight. Try not to slouch or lean back in your chair (even if you are playing cards and don't want you opponents to see your hand). 2. Don't speak with your mouth full of food. Sure, you've heard your mother say it a hundred times, but no one likes to see a ball of masticated meat in your mouth. If you feel you must speak immediately, if you have only a relatively small bite, tuck it into your cheek with your tongue and speak briefly. 3. Chew quietly, and try not to slurp. This is a corollary of rule number 2. Making noises is not only unappetizing, and distracting, but it can also interrupt the flow of conversation. 4. Keep bites small. In order to facilitate the above rules it is smart to keep bite sizes to a moderate forkful. Cut meat and salad so that it doesn't hang from your mouth after you shovel it in. Don't cut all of your meat at one time, this tends to remind people of feeding small children - and the messiness associated with this activity. 5. Eat at a leisurely pace. This rule, besides being good for the digestion, also shows your host that you want to enjoy the food and the company. Eating quickly and running is sign of disrespect for the host, as it shows that your focus is on the food and that you would rather be at home watching the grass grow than passing time with your host.
6. Don't wave utensils in the air, especially knives or if there is food on them. Besides the danger of knocking over glasses, piercing waiters or launching a pea into the eye of your date, this is a sign of over-excitedness that may be unappealing to those present. Earnestness is to be commended, but irrational exuberance goes beyond the limits of good table manners. 7. Keep your elbows off the table. You have also heard this one from your mother, ad infinitum, but in close dining situations it is a vital rule. Elbows take up table space and can be a danger in knocking plates or glasses. Elbows on the table give you something to lean on and tend to lull you into slouching. If you must lean on the table a good tactic is to take a roll or piece of bread into your free hand and rest part of your forearm on the table. 8. Don't Reach. You don't want to get in the way of people either eating or talking. Not only is it as impolite as standing in front of a TV with other people behind you, but there is always the possibility of upsetting glasses or running your sleeve through someone's mashed potatoes. 9. Don't forget please and thank you. These are handy words in most situations but especially vital at the table where common courtesies are noticed by everyone present. 10. Excuse yourself when leaving the table. You don't want people to think that you are tired of their company. If you must leave the table make your excuses somewhat obvious and appear to be pressing. You want to leave people with the impression that you would rather remain at the table talking with them than doing anything else, but the matter at hand is so pressing that it must be attended to at once. 11. Compliment the Cook. Even if the food is perfectly awful say something nice. You don't have to lie, simply find the positive side of the burnt leg of lamb..."Gee, the sauce was sure tasty." It is always pleasant to end a meal on a positive note. 12. Wipe your mouth before drinking. Ever notice that disgusting smudge on the edge of your wine glass? This can be avoided by first wiping your lips with your napkin. (Thanks to Lindy Hill for this contribution.)
Frequently Asked Questions Q: When should I start eating?A: Wait for your host to signal the meal's begining. The host may wish to make a formal statement, prayer or a toast before attention turns to the food. Normally, the host will verbally ask the guests to begin or start by passing a dish himself or he may begin by serving up a dish or even spreading a napkin on his lap. Q: I am not a religious person. What should I do if a meal begins with a prayer.A: It is well to remember that you are in another person's house and their customs should hold. If your hostess asks you to join hands or bow your head is not asking too much for you to accomodate her in this regard. Conversely, if you feel strongly about your religious tradition and are in the home of a person who pointedly does not pray before meal time, do not be ostentatious in your ritual. Be meek and humble, say your prayer silently and reverently to yourself and proceed with the meal.
Q: Who is served first?A: Generally it is wise to begin with the children of guests, then your own children, then your guests (females always take precedence) then the female and male heads of household. If you are the host, insist that your guests begin as soon as they are served as you want them to enjoy the meal at the appropriate temperature. Q: What should I do if I spill something?A: A minor accident at the table is bound to happen on occasion. If you are the cause make your excuse politely and only once, then proceed to help the host to clean up the mess. If your guest makes an inadvertent move that sends pudding onto his neighbors lap, attempt to make everyone feel at ease with the situation. Accept excuses, clean up the mess with minimal fuss. Q: What if I take a mouthful of very hot mashed potatoes?A: Hot foods can create embarrassing situations. When confronted with hot foods, first be wary. If you do make the mistake of scooping up a mouthful of scalding casserole, then make the minimal fuss by swiftly taking a drink of water or some other cool beverage. Q: Is it okay to tip a dish?A: If you are reaching for the last bit of a delectable soup with your spoon, then it is permissible to tilt your dish. Just be sure to tip it away from yourself to avoid any nasty surprises in your lap.
Q: Where does the napkin go?A: In the late middle-ages a serviette or small towel was commonly slung over the left shoulder. Today, the preferred method is to unfold the napkin in your lap. Q: How do I get the last few peas onto my fork?A: Try pushing peas or the last bits of other foods onto your fork with a piece of bread or the side of your knife. Q: What if I need to sneeze?A: If you do not have time to reach a Kleenex or the infrequently used handkerchief then use your napkin or in the final extremity, your hands to cover your mouth. If you can avoid it, don't wipe your nose on your napkin, but on a Kleenex or handkerchief. Q: I've heard it is impolite for a guest to spice a dish. Is this true?A: It is not wrong to spice a dish AFTER you taste it. It is the appearance of the presumption that your host does not cook well that you wish to avoid. You do not want to spice to obscure the flavor of the food, but to enhance it.
Q: A friend at a casual resturant had finished eating his meal but when the waitress offered to remove his plate he said he didn't want his plate remove. I who was still eating was curious why he didn't want his plate removed. He replied that it was poor etiquette to have one's plate removed when someone else at the table was still eating. According to him the removal of the plate was a signal to the other party at the table to hurry and finish their meal. I responded by saying that it didn't bother me and I certainly did not feel any pressure to finish my meal any faster if the waitress removed his plate. It seemd to me that it was more bothersome to him then it was to me and it was more about how he felt about it then it was about how I felt about it. I then added that staring at his unfinished dinner on his plate was far more unappetizing to me since I was still eating. What is the correct approach in this situation? A: It is a common practice in restaurants to remove finished plates. There are several reasons for this, two of which you surmised, that a finished plate is not appetizing to look at, and it gets in the way of diners who might wish to talk, gesticulate, smoke or even consider another dish (dessert, perhaps?). Though it is not impolite to retain a dish (he may have some purpose for doing so), your friend might find it creates difficulties. Now he must remain cognizant of its presence. He must not inadvertently swipe his sleeve over it, or bang the silver-ware, knock a glass against it, etcetera. All circumstances considered, it is best to allow the wait staff to take the plate.
Table Manners Links! We have put together a few links we thought you might find interesting. Perfect Table Plan is a software program that takes the guesswork out of seating your guests. You can try it out for free. YourManners.com offers courses in etiquette & dining skills for ages 5 years thru teens. Offers business etiquette presentations and workshops. So You Wanna Improve Your Table Manners is a fun site for those wanting the basics.
