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THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD: How to Have an Imperfect Family and Be Perfectly Satisfied

Learn how to navigate the unpredictable and inexplicable aspects of raising children, and find fulfillment in imperfect family dynamics. Discover the five steps towards embracing the "good enough" child and fostering healthy growth and change. This book explores neglected aspects of child development and the importance of healthy grieving for a successful transition to adulthood.

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THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD: How to Have an Imperfect Family and Be Perfectly Satisfied

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  1. THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD: How to Have an Imperfect Family and Be Perfectly Satisfied Dr. Brad Sachs, Ph.D www.drbradsachs.com College of Marin Thursday, October 19, 2017

  2. Basic Advice for Imperfect Parents

  3. Basic Advice for Imperfect Parents “Your job is to be there to be left” Anna Freud

  4. Basic Advice for Imperfect Parents

  5. “Leave me alone!”

  6. “Sometimes I think we want this more than he does…”

  7. Da Vinci “Madonna and Child”

  8. Da Vinci’s “Benois Madonna”

  9. How To Have an Imperfect Familyand Be Perfectly Satisfied… We’re all flying by the seat of our pants— The only predictable and explicable aspects of raising children are how unpredictable and inexplicable they can be

  10. How To Have an Imperfect Familyand Be Perfectly Satisfied… What you see is what you are likely to get

  11. How To Have an Imperfect Familyand Be Perfectly Satisfied… “Everything you feel from this point forward is normal”

  12. The Full Spectrum of Feelings

  13. How To Have an Imperfect Familyand Be Perfectly Satisfied… Children need us the most when they are the least pleasant to be with

  14. (How to Have…) As long as you do somewhat more positive parenting than negative parenting, things are likely to turn out fine

  15. (How to Have…) Nothing important comes easy— Pain, discomfort, and disruption are necessary counterparts to growth and change

  16. Modigliani: “Jeanne Hebuterne”

  17. Degas: “Self-Portrait”

  18. Cezanne: “Young Italian Woman at Table”

  19. (How to Have…) Childhood should be a preparationfor adulthood, not a performance for adults

  20. (How to Have…) The person of the parent is more important than the person as a parent

  21. (How to Have…) The parent’s nurture must conform to the child’s nature

  22. (How to Have…) We must convey that it’s not what you have and what you do, but who you are and how you lovethat matters

  23. Every Child Experiences Three Births… ************************************************ THE FANTASY Child THE ACTUAL Child THE GOOD ENOUGH Child *******************************************

  24. THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD FIVE STEPS TOWARDS EMBRACING THE GOOD ENOUGH Child • UNCOVERING • ACKNOWLEDGING • UNDERSTANDING • FORGIVING • GROWING AND CHANGING

  25. Developmental Grief

  26. Neglected Aspects of Child Development Every child needs to say goodbye to childhood in order to prepare for adulthood

  27. “I’m a Loser…”

  28. THE TOMB BECOMES THE WOMB

  29. Developmental Grieving… To create a future… The child must grieve for the past, which means she must:

  30. Growth and Grieving… • Forgive her parents for their limitations • Recognize the irreversible nature of growth • Acknowledge that she is unique but ordinary • Come to terms with the reality of aloneness • Relinquish fantasies of invulnerability, immortality, omnipotence and being the center of the universe

  31. Challenges to Healthy Grief • Achievement and Accomplishment • Competition • Academic supremacy • Activity-based Virtuosity

  32. Challenges to Healthy Grief • Acquisition and Materialism (having goods vs. being good) • Obedience and Conformity/Uniformity • Meaninglessness (valuing trivia/information over wisdom, valuing entertainment over play)

  33. “Like a Rolling Stone” How does it feel? How does it feel? To be on your own With no direction home A complete unknown

  34. Van Gogh “Memory of the Garden at Etten”

  35. Neglected Aspects (cont.)… Children must paradoxically grow up and away while simultaneously strengthening the connections that keep them close

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