Wiley the Elevator Operator

1. Wiley the Elevator Operator A Story of Whiles

2. Once upon a time there was a land called Rumbilia. In the land of Rumbilia everyone was a grump. People went around, stomping the ground, gritting their teeth, and mumbling under their breath.

3. The king of Rumbilia was the biggest grump of all. Anyone caught telling a joke was immediately sent to the dungeon where they were forced to listen to Carrot Top jokes for hours on end until they stopped laughing.

4. One day, Horace and Tom, two unhappy citizens of Rumbilia, were talking. Tom said, “I think the king is so grumpy, if he tried to smile, his face would crack!” Horace smiled, then sniffed, then laughed out loud.

5. Tom looked stunned, afraid of someone seeing. When he realized that no one was around, and he saw Horace’s red, happy face, he laughed himself. And they laughed and laughed, until they had to go to the Rumbilian hospital to recover.

6. After that, Tom and Horace would meet together secretly and laugh, usually at the king. They decided that they wanted to be able to laugh anytime they wanted, so they decided to create a new, happy, underground societyof laughers.

7. Tom went to work digging, and when anyone would ask what he was doing, he would grumpily reply, “Digging my grave.” Everyone figured he was really unhappy, and so everything was fine in Rumbilia.

8. One day the underground tunnel was finished, complete with some underground houses and an underground comedy club, and a great elevator that went down to the new community. Tom and Horace broke it to their families what they had been up to all this time, and they all agreed to try the underground living for awhile.

9. Several months later, there were many people living in underground Rumbilia, and everyone was having a great time. Until one day, when the king sent a spy to the underground world.

10. The spy found the elevator, and went down to the underground society. There he caught and arrested several members of the underground society when he found them laughing.

11. Tom and Horace and the rest of the council of underground laughers decided something must be done. So they hired an elevator operator as a security officer for the underground society. Many applicants came and went, but in the end they chose a man named Wiley.

12. Wiley the elevator operator was charged with making sure everyone not commiserate with the underground cause was denied access to the elevator.

13. Moreover, it was decreed that every morning every citizen of the underground community would ride the elevator up to Rumbilia, get some supplies and fresh air, and then come back to the elevator. They must then get past Wiley to get back on the elevator and ride down to the underground society.

14. The underground society thrived. Every day the citizens went up to Rumbilia, and stood in line to get back on the elevator to ride back down to the underground for the day. But to get back on the elevator, they had to endure questioning from Wiley to make sure they were still true laughers instead of grumps. Anyone changing his mind about being a laugher would not be let back in.

15. They rode up the elevator, Show Wiley they were true laughers, And rode back down.

16. They rode up the elevator, Show Wiley they were true laughers, And rode back down.

17. They rode up the elevator, Show Wiley they were true laughers, And rode back down.

18. But now I’m being repetitive.

19. One day the king noticed that the population of Rumbilia was dwindling, and that the tax collectors were bringing back less and less. So the king went to the underground elevator, to find some laughers and arrest them. The king went to the elevator and hit the button. Up came the elevator, but when the door opened, he was surprised to see Wiley.

20. Wiley asked the king, “What do you call a cow with no legs?” The king did not know. Wiley said “Ground beef.” The king did not laugh.

21. Wiley asked the king, “What do you call a blind deer?” The king shook his head. Wiley said, “No-eye deer.” The king did not laugh.

22. Wiley asked the king, “What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?” The king shook his head. Wiley said, “Eleph-ino!” The king was quiet.

23. Wiley was about to tell the king he could not get in the elevator. But then, the king’s frown lifted just a little. Then, his lips curled up at the end, ever so slightly. Then, the king smiled. Then, for the first time ever, the king laughed. And laughed and laughed and laughed. And Wiley hit the “down” button.

24. The laughing king visited the underground community and went to the comedy club. He had a great time laughing. At the end of the day, he asked if he could stay, and the people agreed that he could. And all the people of Rumbilia and the king moved underground and are laughing and laughing, even to this day.