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C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a

TALK, TALK, TALK!. C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a. REFLEX. C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK BE RIGHT. JUDGEMENT. LIGHT HEAVY. COMPLIANCE WITHDRAWAL. AGREEMENT COMPROMISE. THREE TYPES OF TALK. CONNECT TALK. PROBLEM.

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C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a

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  1. TALK, TALK, TALK! C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALKLecture 16a

  2. REFLEX C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK BE RIGHT JUDGEMENT LIGHT HEAVY COMPLIANCE WITHDRAWAL AGREEMENT COMPROMISE THREE TYPES OF TALK CONNECT TALK PROBLEM

  3. Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. Works In The “Right” Context: Summary When • The other person really needs or wants what we have • Has far less power or knowledge than we do • Feels they have little to contribute in the situation. • We get what we want - a change in them

  4. But, Outside of the “right” context • They don’t see themselves as needing what we have • They Resist us • They have their own ideas They think we are imposing. • They simply resist to show independence • So the other responds with Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. • We resist their efforts and come back with more Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. • Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. becomes competitive

  5. VIDEO EXAMPLE • THE CONTENDER • The president wants this junior congressman to support his appointment for Vice President - a woman!!!! • He uses his positional power and his persuasive power of light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. with threatening heavy C.O.N.T.R.O.L. to get his way with a junior congressman • Note the tactis of influence he expresses towards the end of the conversation as the young man resists

  6. C.O.N.T.R.O.L. AND INFLUENCE • TACTICS - PASSIVE LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L. • Negative Expertise - punished by the nature of things • Negative Self-Feelings- say other will feel worse • Negative Altercasting - cast them into (-) role • Negative esteem - people will think badly of other • Debt - call in past favors

  7. PASSIVE TRY AGAIN TRY AGAIN OFFER SAME INFORMATION OR ADD NEW OFFER SAME INFORMATION OR ADD NEW IN OUR MODEL IT LOOKS LIKE THIS T. ACTIVE C H O I C E

  8. TECHNIQUES USE IN COMPETITIVE LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L. • Trivialize: make light of what they’re saying • Tell them they don’t have enough data; or bad data • Demand proof • Ignore them • Interrupt them • Discount what they say “You gotta be kidding” • Ask leading questions • Neutralize their opinion - “So what, everybody knows that.” Competing to be “right”

  9. COMPETITIVELIGHT CONTROL CAN BECOME A LOOP DOES THIS SOUND LIKE SOMETHING YOU’VE HEARD BEFORE?

  10. COMPETITIVELIGHT CONTROL CAN BECOME A LOOP

  11. TRY AGAIN OFFER SAME INFORMATION OR ADD NEW IF UNSUCCESSFUL? T. ACTIVE AND PASSIVE C H O I C E TERMINATE BREAK OFF GIVE UP TAKE IT PERSONALLY THREAT FEELINGS MOVE TO HEAVY CONTROL

  12. SLIPPING INTO HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L.

  13. SLIPPING INTO HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L.

  14. HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L 0. L. RIGHTEOUS ANGER RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION OVERT AGGRESSION PUT DOWN LABEL MINDREAD COMMAND VENT DEMAND THREATEN CRITICIZE RIDICULE USE SARCASM LIE R. OVERT PASSIVE AGRESSIVE H E A V Y INTENSE COMPLAINT DISQUALIFY WORDS WHINE PLAY MARTYR WITHHOLD DENY PUT DOWN SELF GIVE EXCUSES PROCRASTINATE LAY BLAME LAY BLAME

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