50 Minutes to CALM ™ (Career and Life Management)

1. 50 Minutes to CALM™(Career and Life Management) A Systems Approach To Stress and Work & Life Balance Fachhochschule Berlin 2005 John C Goodman Founder, Center for Internal Change

2. What You Will Learn Today • To view stress and life balance from a systems perspective • How areas of stress in your life impact your internal systems • How stress impacts other areas and people in your life • How stress impacts areas and people in their lives • And how stress impacts areas and people… • How to reframe stress creating beliefs • How to gain control over negative stress by replacing it with a state of CALM™

3. What is Stress? • Stress is the body’s response to the demands made upon it. • The degree of stress depends on the intensity of the demand, our interpretation of the demand, and cope ability to cope with them. • “Pressure, strain, or a sense of inner turmoil resulting from our perceptions and reactions to events or conditions. A state of negative emotional arousal, usually associated with feelings of discomfort or anxiety that we attribute to our circumstances or situation. • “Stress is our perception of an event, not the event itself.”

4. Relax! It Is Just Stress • Scientific research is continuously revealing the damaging effects negative stress has on our lives.

5. Some symptoms of stress:

6. These are the minor symptoms of stress some of the more serious include total nervous breakdown, heart attack and stroke.

7. Stress Is Life. Life is Stress • Stress is a necessary part of our life. • Stress can be motivating or immobilizing. • Most people are either: • Generous with their stress • Or they are stingy • Or both So . . .

8. DON’T PANIC!!! Relax

9. Time Out For CALM Breathing

10. The Systemic View of Stress • We are affected by everything that interacts with us in our environment

11. The Systemic View of Stress The Systemic View of Stress • We affect everything in our environment

12. The Systemic View of Stress The Systemic View of Stress • Stress can be externally or internally triggered

13. The Systemic View of Stress The Systemic View of Stress • BUT, it is only internally generated

14. A Systemic View of The Self

15. Circles Of Influence Work Relationships Self Social Family Spiritual Environment Beyond Environment

16. The Causes Of Career and Life Stress • What are your Energy Drainer and what are Energy Gainers • Examine the causes and cures for stress in our life Family Money Career Self Health Relationships Social Mental Spiritual

17. Creating CALM Life BalanceEnergy Drainers Over working Fear of downsizing Unemployed Inadequate compensation/rewards No time for family Poor Communicating Family Money $$$ Problems Isolation Career No Exercise No physical Activity Not Eating Healthy Not Enough Sleep To busy to relaxation No time for loved ones and those you care about Self Health Relationships Social Social Isolation and no time for social activities Mental Spiritual No time for yourself No Spiritual or Religious Practice

18. Creating CALM Life BalanceEnergy Gainers Neutralize and/or turn Energy Drainers into Energy Gainers Cultivate Energy Gainers to offset, minimize and balance your Energy Drainers Work you value, feel valued doing, and are passionate about Earning Enough $$$ Spending time with family Sharing & Communicating Family Money Financial Planning Career Exercise Yoga Eat Healthy Get Enough Sleep Relaxation Take Time For Fun Making time for loved ones and those you care about Self Health Relationships Social Friends Volunteer Work Functions Mental Spiritual Meditation Spiritual & Religious Practice

19. We Experience Stress on Different Levels Changing the level at which we experience stress can change the impact of stress on use • Identity • Beliefs and Values • Capacity/Ability • Behavior • Environment

20. Data Processing F I L T E R S Senses Emotions Output Behavior Actions Input Information Data Process Values Beliefs Thoughts

21. Logical LevelsEnvironment: • What external events trigger your feelings/reactions of stress? • Do you have control over these events? • If you don’t have control or influence over these situations then all the worry, fear, and anxiety in the world will not change them. You need to redirect that energy into something you do have control over, like your perception and reaction to the events. • What resources does your environment offer to deal with stress? Knowing what options are available can be very empowering and create a sense of control.

22. Logical LevelsBehavior: • What Do You Do • How do you create your experience of negative stress? Examine your actions, behaviors, and feelings. Are your behaviors allowing you to meet your goals. Do they match your intentions? • Having someone point them out to you may help. • Notice the feedback your body offers you (true biofeedback). • Remember, the more flexibility you have, the more options there are and the more control you have.

23. Logical LevelsCapability: • Honestly appraise your abilities and capabilities and use them to your advantage • Leverage your abilities and delegate your weaknesses

24. Logical LevelsBELIEFS AND VALUES: • What You Think • Our beliefs, values and assumptions determine what causes us stress. This is why one person will feel overwhelmed while another will feel challenged. • Our beliefs influence our behaviors/actions and our identity/self. They are the lens and filters that color our world, magnify, minimize, or eliminate certain observations or information in our world. We distort reality to fit our belief system. Examples of distorted thought patterns include over generalizing a single incident and assuming it will always happen or be true, thinking in extremes: all or nothing thinking, or over personalizing things, to name but a few. • Beliefs that increase your sense of control reduce stress. • If we change our beliefs our behaviors will change too.

25. Logical Levels IDENTITY: • Who You Are • Stress is a combination of emotions, beliefs, behaviors, and physical reactions. It is not who you are! • Notice how it feels when you say; “I am stressed out,” “I am overwhelmed,” “I am depressed,” Now change “I am” to “I feel”. It feels different doesn’t it? • “I am” makes it part of your identity. “I feel” keeps it on a behavioral level. When we think and speak on an identity level we become what we say. We tend to create self-fulfilling prophecies. Keeping these messages on a feeling level provides distance from Then. It is easier to change behaviors than identity.

26. CALM Color • Recall a time or place when you felt calm, relaxed, empowered or in control. If you have difficulty finding it in your past then create this place in your mind. • Notice: is it in color or black & white; what happens when you move it closer or further away; make it brighter, bigger, or more vivid. Experiment until you have created an optimal feeling. What happens when you double the feeling? • Now imagine if this image was a color what color would it be? Does this color have a texture or temperature? • Surround yourself with this color and have the color circulate through every part of your body, both inside and out. • Some people inhale the color, others bring it in through their chest, head or feet, others generate it from the inside out—it is all perfect • Some people find it more effective to use a sound, music or a song. They feel it resonating through out their body. • The CALM Color is yours to keep and use as you wish.

27. Heart-Based* Calm • When you’re aware of feeling negative stress STOP and take a time out. • Redirect your focus away from your emotional state and racing thoughts to your heart. • Pretend you are breathing through your chest into your heart area and take several slow calm breaths. • Recall a positive time when you felt love, appreciation, or were having fun and vividly reexperience it. • Ask your heart for a more resourceful response to the event, a calm and effective alternative. • Be fully open to your intuition, subconscious mind and your common sense. • Listen to the answer you heart gives you. Based on the FREEZE-FRAME Technique developed by Doc Childre and the Institute of HeartMath

28. The Systemic View of Stress • We are influenced by everything that interacts with us in our environment • We have influence on everything in our environment • Stress can be externally or internally triggered • BUT, it is only internally generated

29. The Take Away • A systematic understanding of stress and how it impacts you and others in your “system.” • Tools and techniques to reduce and control stress and distress. • Strategies for restoring balance in your day and in your life. 

30. Resources for Stress Management & Life Balance You may enjoy these web sites if you need a break, time-out, or are just interested in relaxation. Information and articles on stress management. http://www.internalchange.com/tools/stress.html Article by Andrew Weil on Relaxation Breathing. http://www.drweil.com/database/display/0,1412,100,00.html A page with some fun escapes if you need a distress brake. http://www.internalchange.com/destress/index.html If you just want to zone out for a while. http://www.internalchange.com/tools/your_heading_goes_here1.htm Relaxation and breathing techniques. http://www.internalchange.com/tools/relaxation.html You can learn about the Heartmath Institute and the Freeze Frame technique. http://www.heartmath.com Books of interest: Carlson, R. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...And It's All Small Stuff. New York: Hyperion,1997 Carlson, R.Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work: Simple Ways to Minimize Stress and Conflict While Bringing Out the Best in Yourself and Others. New York: Hyperion,1998 Kabat-Zinn, J.  Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body & Mind to Face Stress, Pain & Illness. Jon Foreword by Joan Borysenko Preface by Thich Nhat Hanh. New York:Dell Publishing, 1991 Benson, H.The Relaxation Response New York: Morrow, William & Co,2000 Childre D. & Martin, H. The Heartmath Solution: The Institute of Heartmath's Revolutionary Program for Engaging the Power of the Heart's Intelligence. San Francisco: Harper, 2000 Childre D. & Cryer, B. ed. Freeze-Frame: One Minute Stress Management. Boulder Creek: Planetary,1998 Visit John C Goodman at: www.internalchange.com or changenow@internalchange.com if you have any questions.

31. 50 Minutes to CALM™(Career and Life Management) Please feel free to contact me with any questions or to find out about coaching, training and consulting for you or your organization at: changenow@internalchange.com Visit: www.internalchange.com John C Goodman – Financial Management Coburg 2004 Principal, Center for Internal Change