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Welcome to MEN’S FRATERNITY!

Welcome to MEN’S FRATERNITY!. Session Six Facing the Father Wound. A summary of where we have been in our Quest… We are in the process of seeking to make sense of why we are the way we are. Unpacking the suitcase

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Welcome to MEN’S FRATERNITY!

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  1. Welcome to MEN’S FRATERNITY!

  2. Session Six Facing the Father Wound

  3. A summary of where we have been in our Quest… We are in the process of seeking to make sense of why we are the way we are. Unpacking the suitcase How well we unpack determines how well we understand why we are the way we are…

  4. We are in the process of seeking to make sense of why we are the way we are. • Each of us has a story to tell. This story has to be spoken out loud, to other men. Best done with a group of safe men, done over time, without other distractions. Your own story will surprise you as you tell it, and men can react to it, showing your blind spots.

  5. We are in the process of seeking to make sense of why we are the way we are. • Each of us has a story to tell. • Each of us is, to some degree, a product of the past. Some of it is good, and makes life easier, and better. Some makes life harder and tougher.

  6. We are in the process of seeking to make sense of why we are the way we are. • Each of us has a story to tell. • Each of us is, to some degree, a product of the past. • Each of us is, in some ways, controlled by the past until we consciously and deliberately choose to break that control. Failure to break it dooms us to a life of continued repeating unhealthy patterns.

  7. We are exploring the first of five major wounds in life that shape us.

  8. We are exploring the first of five major wounds in life that shape us. THE ABSENT FATHER WOUND An on-going emotional, social or spiritual deficit ordinarily met in a healthy relationship with Dad that must now be overcomeby other means.

  9. This wound is being inflicted upon sons at epidemic levels today. Forty percent of children in our society live in homes with absent, distant, or disconnected dads for all or part of their childhood.

  10. “The damage caused by a father’s absence may be severe and may last a lifetime. It is a shadow. The longing of sons for their fathers is almost physical, something passionate, profound … It is often mysterious to sons what it is they want from their fathers. But I have seen it in other men and see it in my sons -- their longing for me.”Lance MorrowTime Magazine

  11. At the end of the OT, Malachi predicts how, in the future, people will undergo a renewal, a revival in their lives… What will this renewal look like? • More people going to church? • More people reading the scripture? • Men and women strengthening their marriage? • Better care of the poor?

  12. And he (the one who will renew the people’s lives) will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I (God) come and smite the land with a curse. Malachi 4:6

  13. As a Dad, there are two ways of looking at the Father Wound… • How can I avoid inflicting the Father Wound on my son? • How can I repair / deal with / address the Father Wound I have already given my son?

  14. As a grown Son of my Dad…. • How do I speak to the wound of my own life, and get healing for that? • How do you step into that wound and take it on?

  15. Eight Proactive Strategies for the Father Wound.. • Three will be for Dads, dealing with their sons.. • Five will be for sons, dealing with their dads…

  16. As a grown Son of my Dad…. • How do I speak to the wound of my own life, and get healing for that? • How do you step into that wound and take it on?

  17. 1. If you’re a Dad … make sure your son has “the essentials.” There are some things your son must hear.. There are some things your son must have..

  18. 1. If you’re a Dad … make sure your son has “the essentials.”

  19. If you’re a Dad … make sure your son(s) has “the essentials.”

  20. If you’re a Dad … make sure your son(s) has “the essentials.”

  21. If you’re a Dad … make sure your son(s) has “the essentials.”

  22. If you’re a Dad … make sure your son(s) has “the essentials.”

  23. If you’re a Dad … make sure your son(s) has “the essentials.”

  24. If you’re a Dad … make sure your son(s) has “the essentials.”

  25. A boy who hears from his dad these things will have….

  26. A boy who hears from his dad these things will have…. • Self esteem

  27. A boy who hears from his dad these things will have…. • Self esteem • Self control

  28. A boy who hears from his dad these things will have…. • Self esteem • Self control • Selflessness

  29. You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. John Bunyan

  30. If your son is grown and gone, some men feel a sharp pain of regret… • “Wish I’d know this years ago” • “There’s so many things I regret I didn’t do with my son” • “Things might have been different”

  31. 2. If you’re a Dad … it’s never too late to “close the gap” with your son(s), no matter how old. It will require some courage on your part, but your son hungers to know your heart, and hear “the essentials” from you, no matter what age. TAKE THE INITIATIVE TO CLOSE THE GAP !!!

  32. 3. If you’re a single Dad … it’s never too late to “close the gap” with your son(s), no matter how old. If you’re a single Dad, or a Dad separated from your son(s) by divorce, or a Dad who has inherited a son(s) through remarriage, you are in uncharted waters. You will need to seek help and develop a sound strategy.

  33. In new family settings…Some myths that men tell themselves… • “His mom is strong, he’ll be ok” • “I’ll just love my stepson like he was my own” • “I’ll make up my son’s loss by doing a lot of stuff”

  34. If you’re a single Dad, or a Dad separated from your son(s) by divorce, or a Dad who has inherited a son(s) through remarriage, you are in uncharted waters. You will need to seek help and develop a sound strategy. -- Read, read, read. -- Seek a counselor and develop a game plan and vision.

  35. If you’re a son wounded by Dad where no reconciliation is possible … choose to touch this wound responsibly.

  36. ……Choose to touch this wound responsibly. The easy way is to play the blame game, or be a victim, or bear the pain, which results in destructive behaviors…. The better way is to act responsibly….

  37. If you’re a son wounded by Dad where no reconciliation is possible… choose to touch this wound responsibly. 1. By choosing to forgive your Dad. There may be some really evil dads out there, but most did not get up every morning trying to determine how to screw up your life. Most struggled with their own wounds, and did the best they could with what they had (their own suitcases)… never intending to miss out on being your Dad.

  38. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us … for they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them,but He (God) disciplines us for our good.Hebrews 12:9-10

  39. If you’re a son wounded by Dad … choose to touch this wound responsibly. 1. By choosing to forgive Dad. 2. By choosing to believe in God’s justice.

  40. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.Romans 12:19All of scripture points to justice.You do not have to get even.Release him to God.“Leave room”

  41. If you’re a son wounded by Dad … courageously seek reconciliation with your father.

  42. If you’re a son wounded by Dad … courageously seek reconciliation with your father. • There may be separation between you and Dad that springs from Dad’s relational shortcomings. Don’t let that stop you! Your dad will not come to you. This is you, stepping up to Manhood, and going to him. This may take all the guts you have, but going to dad will change YOU.

  43. If you’re a son wounded by Dad … courageously seek reconciliation with your father. 2. There may be separation between you and Dad that springs from past conflict. You need to clean it up! Hurtful things have been said, a fight, emotional event, then buried, and the hurt remains. Take the initiative to clean it up!

  44. If you’re a son wounded by Dad … risk asking for your father’s love. It may be difficult, even impossible for him to say it, but something in you will be healed just in the asking. In the asking, a son becomes a man.

  45. If you’re a son wounded by Dad … risk asking for your father’s blessing. If there is a vacuum in your dad’s affirmation of you and your life… If you don’t have it, you will need to get up, and go ask for it….

  46. If you’re a son wounded by Dad … reclaim the relationship you missed by becoming a good Dad to your children.

  47. Does it work to have experiences with your son that you missed, share your blessing with your son that you did not get, give him the essentials you failed to receive? Yes, it does. You can do everything as a dad that you missed as a son, and it results in healing.

  48. You know what time it is ??

  49. Time to face the Father Wound

  50. Get busy living, or get busy dying

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