Parenting Teenagers - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

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Parenting Teenagers

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  1. Parenting Teenagers • Challenges facing youths today • Understanding youth trends • Understanding our teenagers • Youths at risk • How to love our teenagers

  2. SHERMEEN TAN • 18 years working experience • worked with families, youths and families • Corporate trainer • BA, MBA and Diploma in Montessori method of education • EQ coach and Behavioural Consultant

  3. Introduction • 15 – 29 years • 13-18 years old • At what age do we really have to take note? • Parenting teenagers perplexing?

  4. Challenges facing our teenagers • Complex world • Different from those of their parents • Changing landscape

  5. Challenges facing our teenagers • Family : • Increasing female participation – more mothers working • Increasing smaller extended family • Both parents working • Increasing divorce rates • Decreasing family size

  6. Challenges facing our teenagers • Education : • Increasing educational level • Students spend more time at school • Large emphasis on education • Immense pressures and stress

  7. Challenges facing our teenagers • Work : • Knowledge-based economy • Increase foreign talents • Overseas work • Retrenchment and uncertainty • Part-time work

  8. Challenges facing our teenagers • Leisure : • Increasing affluence • Influence of internet and media • Peer relationships are formed

  9. Youth Trends • National Youth Council – survey • Findings : • Strong relationships between youths and parents • Easier to communicate with mothers than fathers • Generation gap

  10. Youth Trends • Do not talk to parents about BGR • Parenting styles – high support-high challenge leads to competency and well-being • Friends as emotional support

  11. Understanding our teenagers • Great changes • 2 major issues : • Self-definition – Who am I • Independence

  12. Understanding our teenagers • Erikson – Identity crisis • Bandura – Storm and stress • Tension, dependency, conflicts, peer groups, fads and relationships

  13. Understanding our teenagers • Great changes : • Physical and Mental • Teenage clumsiness • Sexual characteristics are developing • Intellectual growth spurt

  14. Understanding our teenagers • Great changes : • Age of reason • Think logically • Thinking about sexuality and marriage • Questioning about the future

  15. Understanding our teenagers • Implication: • Scenarios are different but means of expression is the same : • Music, dance, fashion, fad and relationships

  16. Understanding our teenagers • 3 key questions : • Change of our roles - control and nag • Our new roles - friend, confidante, coach and facilitator • set clear boundaries wrt time, money, friends and behaviour

  17. Understanding our teenagers • 3 key questions : • Academic change - outsource • distance in relationships • different religious inclination - independent thinking

  18. Youths at risk • 3 indicators : • how teenager is using his time • how he is using his money • unpredictable behaviour

  19. Youths at risk • Dysfunctional families/ families under stress • Parents marital relationships • Wrong/unhealthy peer groups

  20. Youths at risk • Smoking • Substance abuse • Juvenile delinqency • Suicide rates ( 2 per month ) • Protection orders • Sexuality

  21. Youths at risk • 16% of youth population • majority are mainstream teenagers

  22. How to love our teenagers • Desire to feel connected, accepted and nurtured by parents • Love, listen, communication, empathy and bonding

  23. 1st Language of love • Words of affirmation • Praise – sincere and specific • Praise both efforts and results • Words of affection • “ I love you “

  24. 2nd Language of love • Physical touch • Hugs, kisses, strokes, massage, arm wrestling • Slaps, pushes, shaking, hitting, shoves, choking – abusive • Do it privately • Do not touch when teenager is angry

  25. 3rd Language of love • Quality time/activities • Togetherness • Guidelines : • Maintain eye contact • Listen and give full attention • Listen for feelings • Observe body language

  26. 3rd Language of love • Refuse to interrupt • Ask questions – 5Ws and 1 H • Express understanding • Use I statements • Different levels of Communication

  27. 4th Language of love • Acts of Service • Service – true expressions of emotional love

  28. 5th Language of love • Gifts • Visible, tangible evidence of love • Underserved gift

  29. Discovering your teenager’s love Language • Ask questions • Observe • Experiment

  30. Conclusion • Every year, ask : • What/how is my teenager feeling? • What/how is my teenager thinking? • How is my teenager behaving?

  31. Conclusion • Communication – listen, empathy, bonding • Give them space but with boundaries • EQ for parents • Multiple intelligence

  32. Conclusion • Character development/right values • CCA • community service/church activities