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Adult Sexual Relationships. Chapter Nine. Agenda. Discuss Dating: Fun or Serious Business? Discuss Marriage: Happy Ever After? Review Same-Sex Relationships Discuss Divorce: Whose Fault or No-Fault? Review Sexuality in Elderly Relationships

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Agenda
Agenda

  • Discuss Dating: Fun or Serious Business?

  • Discuss Marriage: Happy Ever After?

  • Review Same-Sex Relationships

  • Discuss Divorce: Whose Fault or No-Fault?

  • Review Sexuality in Elderly Relationships

  • Discuss Adult Sexual Relationships in Other Places


Self reflection exercise what am i looking for in a sexual partner
Self Reflection Exercise:What am I Looking for in a Sexual Partner?

  • Complete the handout privately.

  • Don’t share your results with others.


Dating fun or serious business

Types of Dating and How Do We Meet?

Interracial Dating

Dating after Divorce or Widowhood

Sexuality in Dating Relationships

Sexuality in Elderly Relationships

Cohabitation

Dating: Fun or Serious Business?


Dating introduction
Dating: Introduction

  • Dating is a way to discover and compare qualities in search of the best partner

  • Dating has recreational value

  • Dating provides companionship, emotional support, possibly economic support

  • Factors related to those who date: better physical & emotional health, higher self-esteem, sex-role identity

  • Can be difficult for homosexuals to find dates


Dating trends
Dating Trends

  • Many different levels of commitment

  • Those with more free time (college students) tend to date more

  • Traditional dating has been replaced by more casual dating, with less chaperoned time

  • It is difficult to initiate dating, and this may worsen as people get older and have less ways of meeting people


Interracial dating
Interracial Dating

  • 25% of college students reported currently being in an interracial relationship

  • 50% would be open to dating someone of another race

  • African Americans are more open to interracial dating than Caucasians

    • More exposure to white culture

    • More Caucasians available


Dating after divorce or widowhood
Dating After Divorce or Widowhood

  • Dating environment is different than when they dated before marriage

  • Widowhood is an obstacle in finding another partner

  • Fewer social opportunities to find a partner

  • May decide to cohabitate, rather than remarry

  • Older men more likely to date if socially active and relatively young

  • Older women more apt if healthy and mobile


Sexuality in dating relationships
Sexuality in Dating Relationships

  • In college, “hooking up” is becoming more common

  • Some couples abstain from sex

  • If one person in a couple is a virgin, they are more likely to abstain if it is a female virgin than a male virgin

  • The woman’s past sexual experience more strongly predicts a couple’s sexual behavior



Class discussion cohabitation
Class Discussion: Cohabitation

  • Why do you think that cohabitation has become more common?

  • Why do you think people choose to cohabit? Why do others chose not to cohabit?

  • Are there circumstances in which you would choose to cohabit?


Cohabitation issues trends
Cohabitation: Issues & Trends

  • Has increased in recent years; stage of courtship

  • 40% of U.S. couples cohabitate

  • In the early 1990s, more than half of 1st marriages began with cohabitation

  • Cohabitating couples are twice as likely to be of different races than married couples

  • Common-law marriage – if a couple lives together for a certain length of time; 13 states

  • Half of cohabitating couples break up within one year or less

  • Those who eventually marry are more likely to divorce; even more with long cohabitations


Cohabitation advantages disadvantages
Cohabitation: Advantages & Disadvantages

  • Advantages: learn more about each other without legal or economic ties, more realistic than dating

  • Disadvantages: unsupportive family, cut off from friends


Cohabitation why increased relationship failure
Cohabitation: Why Increased Relationship Failure?

  • Couples develop as separate individuals

  • “Playing house” without the real marital pressures; financial pressures

  • Type of people that are more likely to cohabit may be more likely to get divorce if faced with marital problems

  • The need to “test” the relationship likely means a couple is not ready


Cohabitation in other cultures
Cohabitation in Other Cultures

  • Less common in traditional cultures

    • Asian societies

    • Islamic societies

  • Most western countries have many cohabitating couples

    • France

    • Sweden


Chapter nine 1261033

Marital Satisfaction

Marital Sex Over time

Marriage in Later Life

Extramarital Affairs

Marriage in Other Cultures

Marriage


Class discussion marriage expectations
Class Discussion: Marriage Expectations

  • Would you ever like to get married? If so, at what age would you like to marry?

  • What area would you like to live in? City? State? Suburban or Rural? What type of house?

  • Would you ever want any children? If so, why and how many? If not, why not?

  • If you want children, how long will you wait before you have them?

  • Will you keep your name if you marry? Would you like your partner to change his or her name? Explain.

  • Will you maintain a career outside the home during your marriage? Would you like your spouse to?

  • What would be the division of labor in your household?



Marriage trends
Marriage: Trends

  • 93% in the U.S. say a happy marriage is an important life goal

  • Women are more likely to marry older men

    • Want to be taken care of, wealth, power

  • Men are more likely to marry younger women

    • Want conception, pregnancy, beauty

  • Age at first marriage (in 2002); increasing

    • Men: 27

    • Women: 25


Chapter nine 1261033

Percentage of never-married men and women over the age of 15 by race and Hispanic origin. Source: U.S. Census Bureau, 2001.


Marital satisfaction factors
Marital Satisfaction Factors by race and Hispanic origin.

  • In general: self-disclosure, physical & emotional intimacy, personality similarities

    • For men: frequency of pleasurable activities done together

    • For women: frequency of pleasurable activities focused on emotional closeness

  • Quality of spousal friendship influences satisfaciton.

  • Marriage quality peaks in the first few years, declines to midlife, rises again

    • Couples usually put more effort into the marriage in the beginning


Factors affecting commitment
Factors Affecting Commitment by race and Hispanic origin.

  • Satisfaction and comittment are different issues: couples may remain married even if they are unhappy with their relationship.

  • Marriages last longer when both:

    • have a positive marital attitude,

    • view their partner as their best friend,

    • like their partner as a person,

    • believe marriage is a long-term commitment


Impact of marriage
Impact of Marriage by race and Hispanic origin.

  • Married couples tend to be happier, healthier, and live longer

  • Health benefits mostly for men

    • Wives monitor husband’s health

    • Wives have many role responsibilities


Having children or remaining childless
Having Children or Remaining Childless by race and Hispanic origin.

  • Relationship quality is impacted by timing of having children

  • Children decrease relationship time

  • Married couples with children tend to have lower marital satisfaction than those without

  • Satisfaction decreases as the number of children increases

  • Satisfaction is high before kids, declines until kids are teens, increases when kids leave


Marital sex changes over time
Marital Sex: Changes Over Time by race and Hispanic origin.

  • Passion is high early in marriages, but slowly dissipates

  • 40% married couples have intercourse 2+ times/week; 50% do so a few times/month

  • Most couples experience a decrease in intercourse over time, mostly due to marital pressures (children, jobs, housework, money)

  • Positive correlation between frequency & satisfaction with sex life


Marriages in later life
Marriages in Later Life by race and Hispanic origin.

  • Older women more likely to be widowed

  • Those still married are usually happy, men more so than women

  • Women typically care for a sick husband and lack emotional support

  • Older men are twice as likely to remarry

    • Women outnumber men in older age

    • Older men tend to marry younger women


Remarriages in later life
Remarriages in Later Life by race and Hispanic origin.

  • Remarriage after widowhood healthier if:

    • acquainted for awhile before marriage

    • children and peers approve

    • good health

    • financial stability

    • adequate living conditions

  • Remarriages after 40 tend to be more stable

  • May cohabitate rather than remarry


Chapter nine 1261033

Marital status of the population age 65 and over, by age group and sex, in 2003. Source: Federal Interagency Forum on Aging-Related Statistics, 2004.


Extramarital affairs it just happened
Extramarital Affairs: “It Just Happened” group and sex, in 2003.

  • Less than 5% of societies are more strict about forbidding affairs than the U.S.

  • Almost all couples expect exclusivity

  • Factors related to cheaters:

    • Stronger sexual interests

    • Permissive sexual values

    • Less satisfaction in their relationship

    • Opportunities for sex outside of the couple


Extramarital affairs attitudes
Extramarital Affairs: Attitudes group and sex, in 2003.

  • 75% of Americans believed extramarital sex was intolerable

  • 20% of women, 15-35% of men reported extramarital sex


Process of developing an affair
Process of Developing an Affair group and sex, in 2003.

  • Become emotionally close to someone

  • Keep relationship secret

  • Start to do things together; “dating”

  • Sexual and emotional affair


Extramarital affairs issues trends
Extramarital Affairs: Issues & Trends group and sex, in 2003.

  • Married couples are the most deceptive about sex outside of the relationship

  • Women more likely disturbed by emotional infidelity; tend to engage in emotional affairs; tend to have affairs when older

  • Men more likely disturbed by sexual infidelity; tend to engage in sexual affairs; typically when younger

  • 90%+ affairs due to emotional needs not met


Open marriages sexual advertising
Open Marriages: Sexual Advertising group and sex, in 2003.

  • Comarital sex – consenting of married couples to sexually exchange partners

    • Swingers/Polyamorists

  • About 3 million swingers in the U.S.

  • Many support groups, internet contacts

  • Swingers tend to be white, middle-class, middle-aged church goers

  • Often have “safe-sex” circles


Marriages in other cultures
Marriages in Other Cultures group and sex, in 2003.

  • Some countries do not have dating systems

  • All societies have marriage customs, though they vary among all societies

  • Arranged marriages still exist

    • 60% of marriages worldwide are arranged

    • Japanese business class, Iran, rural China

  • Courtship may be ritualized

    • Yaruros of Venezuela, Hottentots of South Africa

  • Extramarital sex is forbidden in many cultures, but is often tolerated

    • Typically tolerance is for men, not women


Types of marriages in other cultures
Types of Marriages in Other Cultures group and sex, in 2003.

  • Polygamy – having more than one spouse

  • Polygyny – having more than one wife

    • Common in Africa and the Middle East; Mormon fundamentalist groups in the U.S.

    • Wives have lower fertility rates

    • Men gain prestige & power, women gain protection of a wealthy man

  • Polyandry – having more than one husband

    • Less common than polygyny

    • Usually to keep inheritance together

  • Consanguineous marriages – woman marries a relative to maintain family property


Sexuality in same sex relationships same sex marriage same sex relationships in other cultures

Sexuality in Same-Sex Relationships group and sex, in 2003.

Same-Sex Marriage

Same-Sex Relationships in Other Cultures

Same-Sex Relationships


View video marriage ammendment
View Video: Marriage Ammendment group and sex, in 2003.


Same sex marriage issues trends
Same-Sex Marriage: Issues & Trends group and sex, in 2003.

  • Same-sex marriage isn’t linked to procreation, which the U.S. attempts to guard

  • Same-sex marriages may be more unstable due to pressures of social disapproval

  • Domestic partner acts – benefits are granted if a couple lives together


Sexuality in same sex relationships
Sexuality in Same-Sex Relationships group and sex, in 2003.

  • Usually the emotionally expressive partner maintains the sex life, for lesbians & gay men

  • Some lesbians have trouble initiating sex

    • May be due to female social pressures

  • Gay men have less troubles initiating sex and are more sexually active than lesbians

    • May be due to longer love making for lesbians, biology, females’ comfort initiating, men use sex for expressing feelings


Same sex marriage legal issues
Same-Sex Marriage: Legal Issues group and sex, in 2003.

  • Defense of Marriage Act (1996) –

    • each state can recognize or deny any same-sex marriages

    • spouse is referred to as the other sex

  • Vermont (2000) passed a civil union statute

  • Massachusetts (2004) gave full marriage rights to same sex couples

  • 7 states (CA, CT, DC, HI, ME, NJ, VT) grant legal status to same-sex couples


Same sex relationships in other cultures
Same-Sex Relationships in Other Cultures group and sex, in 2003.

  • Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, & Spain are the only Western countries that have currently legalized same-sex marriage

  • Australia provides equal rights

  • Accepted in France

  • Ireland lacks support


Why do people get divorced divorce sex adjusting to divorce

Why do People Get Divorced? group and sex, in 2003.

Divorce & Sex

Adjusting to Divorce

Divorce


Divorce issues
Divorce: Issues group and sex, in 2003.

  • While it is reported that the divorce rate is 50% in U.S., this is a misrepresentation of the likelihood of divorce!

  • No-fault divorce – makes divorce easier and more acceptable

  • Covenant marriages – restrictive rules & regulations for ending a marriage

  • Couples have many reasons for staying together, even though unhappy:

    • children, religion, lack initiative


Divorce trends
Divorce: Trends group and sex, in 2003.

  • Divorce rates are highest in teen women and decline with age

  • Early marriages have a greater risk of divorce

  • Typically, divorce occurs early in a marriage; median was 7.1 years in 1988

  • Interracial marriages have high divorce rates

  • Typically one partner wants the divorce (75% of the time female’s initiate), the other is shocked


Why do people get divorced
Why Do People Get Divorced? group and sex, in 2003.

  • Social Factors

  • Predisposing Factors

  • Relationship Factors

  • Divorce and Sex

  • Adjusting to Divorce

  • Divorce in Other Cultures


Divorce social factors
Divorce: Social Factors group and sex, in 2003.

  • Accessibility and low cost

  • Equitable division of marital assets

  • More acceptable in U.S. society

  • Religious groups are less opposed than in the past


Predisposing factors for divorce
Predisposing Factors for Divorce group and sex, in 2003.

  • Marry at a young age, emotional immaturity

  • Marry because of an unplanned pregnancy

  • Have more than five children

  • Short interval from marriage and children

  • Protestant (vs. Catholic or Jewish)

  • No religious affiliation

  • Prior divorce; divorced parents


Relationship factors in divorce
Relationship Factors in Divorce group and sex, in 2003.

  • Communication problems

    • Avoidance,

    • Demand & withdrawal

    • Lack constructive communication

  • Women feel unloved, belittled, & criticized

  • Men feel neglected and that they have incompatible interests, values & goals

  • Both sexes reported loss of sexual interest


Divorce and sex
Divorce and Sex group and sex, in 2003.

  • The older a person at divorce, the less sexual behavior afterwards

  • As religiousness increases, the likelihood of having another sexual partner decreases

  • Liberal attitudes & no children increase the likelihood of having another sexual partner

  • Men are more likely to find another partner


Adjusting to divorce
Adjusting to Divorce group and sex, in 2003.

  • For some, it can be emotionally & physically painful

  • Women have increased depression, men have poorer physical & mental health

  • Older people experience more psychological problems

  • Divorced people have less in common with their married friends


Adjusting to divorce1
Adjusting to Divorce group and sex, in 2003.

  • Women’s incomes tend to decline

  • 20% of divorced fathers with children don’t provide assistance

  • Some women’s careers may improve

  • Most divorced individuals adjust well, and 75% remarry

  • Typically 4 years between divorce & remarriage

  • Men are more likely to remarry than women


Divorce in other cultures
Divorce in Other Cultures group and sex, in 2003.

  • In most societies, divorce is relatively simple and accepted

  • Not so in mostly Roman Catholic countries

  • Easier for men to obtain a divorce in some countries

    • Egypt, Israel

  • Many reasons for divorce, though different patterns in different societies


Sexuality in elderly relationships

Sexuality in Elderly Relationships group and sex, in 2003.



Sexuality in elderly relationships issues and trends
Sexuality in Elderly Relationships: a New Age)”Issues and Trends

  • Society links sexuality with youth, though most elderly are sexually interested and active

  • 50% of 60 years+ Americans report sex is as good, or better than, when they were younger

  • Frequency of intercourse declines with age

  • Sex once/month, or more – about 50% of those 60+; 40% wanted it more often


Elderly relationships sexual behavior
Elderly Relationships: Sexual Behavior a New Age)”

  • Most common behaviors over 80: touching, masturbation, sexual intercourse

  • No differences related to sexual orientation

  • Preferences may change: less intercourse and more oral sex

  • Factors related to sexual maintenance: age, physical health, medications, satisfaction in life, partner availability


Difficulties
Difficulties a New Age)”

  • Most common sexual problem for elderly women: lack of tenderness & sexual contact

  • Discontinuance of intercourse in a marriage is typically due to the male’s refusal or inability; erectile problems due to a variety of reasons