The Negative Cycle Ruining Your Intimate Life

1. The Negative Cycle Ruining Your Intimate Life On Hinge, your roommate is winning. Your closest friend, who has been in a relationship for almost all of their time, can't stop gushing about the wild new BDSM technique her lover taught her. And your mother bought a clit vibrator for herself. You can feel even more embarrassed about the fact that you, well, just don't want to when all the indicators around you scream, "Everyone's having heaps of wonderful sex!" I don't want to have sex. Am I normal? Am I weird? Why am I different? asks 30 to 40 percent of her clientele, according to Holly Richmond, Ph.D., a trained sex therapist with clinics in California, Portland, and the greater New York City region. In a recent survey* of 1,686 women between the ages of 25 and 49, more than three out of five indicated they had personally experienced one or more signs of sexual dysfunction, such as frequently creating excuses to avoid having sex and not feeling in the mood for sex for unspecified reasons. One-hundred and ninety-one percent of those women reported that this was having a negative emotional impact on their life, mostly in the form of self-consciousness, disappointment, and awkwardness.

2. In addition to missing out on the big Os, closeness, and numerous other advantages of regular sex, too many women also feel bad and ashamed about it. And according to Richmond, such emotions just serve to keep the cycle going. Now that you're asking yourself these questions in your thoughts, you won't even take the first step toward having sex because you've already talked yourself out of it. "Does my partner think I'm broken?", "Am I the only woman in the world who doesn't want to have sex?" And as we all know, you won't likely be up for a sexy time if you don't feel good about yourself. You're not by yourself, and you're not destined to be in this uneasy frame of mind forever. Here's how to make a change. Try to be more aware (in bed) Whatever hot sensations you may be experiencing will be eliminated if you feel ashamed of your sex urge. Then, there are all the other worries of life that invade your thoughts, such as deadlines, relationship concerns, body image problems, and financial challenges. That stress can absolutely creep into the bedroom is demonstrated by the fact that 43% of those who participated in the aforementioned poll identified stress as the main cause of their sexual dysfunction, while 41% pointed to problems with body image and self-esteem. So, when you're becoming busy, try to practice some mindfulness at the beginning. Because you might not notice the *OMG* sensation of his hand on your thigh or her lips against your neck if you're worried about what your partner will think of your cellulite or why you don't want to screw on the kitchen floor like Emmy Rossum in Shameless, Richmond advises clients to "get out of their head and into their body." Richmond advises making an effort to focus on three nearby sights, sounds, or scents in order to help you stay present. Some examples are the aroma of your white tea candle, the song Camila Cabello is now playing, and the color of your partner's eyes. Do It Yourself! Masturbation is another excellent choice, in Richmond's opinion. One benefit is that, according to Richmond, "you're not concerned about stuff like if you look, sound, or taste good." As a result, you'll feel more in the moment. Additionally, "the more sex we have, the more sex we tend to crave," making self-pleasure a lower pressure approach to dipping your toe back into the sex pool. This is because of a mix of hormones and neurotransmitters produced during orgasm.

3. Go to Pleasureland Too scared to have sex right now? That's okay. Richmond advises working on discovering passion in your daily life as an alternative. "I frequently ask women, 'Where do you feel the pleasure that is non-sexual?' and I'll get a blank face for 30 seconds because, as women with partners and jobs, and perhaps kids or elderly parents, our pleasure isn't valued," the author says. Therefore, ask yourself, "What else makes me happy?" Perhaps you are intellectually "turned on" by cooking, painting, or exercise. By focusing on that, Richmond advises, you can eventually see your interest moving closer to the city's center. Remind yourself that this is not your fault. It's typical for sex desire to ebb and flow, according to Alexandra Stockwell, MD, a doctor turned relationship and intimacy specialist in the San Francisco Bay Area. "Our sexual urge changes throughout the year. According to Stockwell, a persistent lack of mood may be a sign of depression, a thyroid disorder, a hormone imbalance, or a side effect of some antidepressants or anti-anxiety medicines. It might also be a symptom of hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSSD), an illness marked by persistently low sex desire that, and this is a crucial aspect, distresses the sufferer. All of these problems are either medical or psychological, yet according to data from the University of Chicago, just 40% of ob-gyns in the United States consistently inquire about their patients' sexual dysfunction. Even fewer consistently ask about satisfaction. Richmond understands that this may require you to take a big breath and bring it up on your own, which may be quite intimidating—especially if you're already experiencing self-consciousness. But have faith that your medical professionals are on your side. Make an appointment or do it at your yearly visit with your ob-gyn or internist. "I've been observing X, Y, and Z regarding my sex drive. I wonder if it may be physiological or psychological." this may feel like an easier way to gently start the topic. Get some insights from your partner An easy question to ask your partner is: “How is our sex life?”. Being direct is the best approach. Sometimes your partner agrees that a little difference can make a big impact like buying adult toys or lube to make the sex better.

4. To improve your performance, use tools. Pjur is a company that sells several lubricants designed to meet your individual needs. Pjur Analyse Me is a silicone-based product that will keep you both comfortable by extending the wetness during sexual activity. Water-based Pjur Back Door solution helps with dryness and lowers the risk of infection. Amazing Pjur lubricants may be quite helpful to you in the bedroom, especially on your first night. Perhaps your partner has been experiencing self-consciousness, and this might lead you both to a solution. Congratulations on having the guts to bring it up. Richmond emphasizes that you should not feel strange or broken because you are NOT.