Building Trust Sue Bohlin Suebohlin.com
What is Trust? • My faith in your ability or word in some specific area • Trust includes the degree to which I believe you will look out for my best interests in a specific area. • Trust suggests that you care about my welfare and success in helping me achieve my goals.
Principles about Trust • Trust is never given to another person globally and unconditionally. • It always has to do with a specific area of expertise or action. • Trust involves both ability and word. • You are capable in a particular area and true to your word.
Principles about Trust • Trust comes in different degrees or levels. • Though trust can be one-sided, it is best when it is mutual. • Trust can be built. • Trust can grow or erode between people. • Lost trust can be recovered and rehabilitated.
Be Transparent • Be easily readable • Be open • Be vulnerable 1. Be easily readable • Your outsides match your insides • Others can discern your emotional state
Be Transparent 2. Be strategically open • Your honest response to what others want or ask for • What you need from others to make the task or project successful • Your strengths and weaknesses in your ability to help others Openness begets openness Openness precedes trust
Be Transparent 3. Be vulnerable • Take a one-down position • Request, don’t demand • The opposite of using power to get your way or manage others • Power begets resistance; vulnerability begets willingness
Be Responsive • Responsiveness: giving and receiving feedback • spontaneously • consciously • with care • Welcome and respect honest feedback from others • Offer the same to others
Be Responsive • Historically in the workplace, feedback = the expectation of criticism, evaluation, judgment, and punishment • More healthy theory: the purpose of feedback is to help build a trusting relationship in working toward a shared goal
Be Responsive • Giving feedback: My willingness and ability to respond to what you have said or done in a specific area, expressing thoughts and feelings that I personally own. • Feedback formula: “My reaction to X is Y.” • X = what you have said or done in a specific area • Y = my thoughts and feelings about it • My responses are about your behavior, not aimed at you
Be Responsive • A Plan for Giving Feedback 1. Knock on the door. 2. Describe the specific action, event or behavior at issue. 3. Spell out its impact on you. 4. Specify the likely positive and negative consequences and make a request. 5. Get a firm agreement. 6. Share appreciation. • Receive feedback graciously and non-defensively.
Use Caring • Essential leadership qualities: competent, confident and caring. • Caring about people and our relationships with them communicates that they are important. • No matter what negative criticisms or strong emotion you bring to me, I will deal with it in a way that respects and protects you and our relationship.
Use Caring • When do people feel cared for? • 5 unspoken requests: • Hear and understand me. • Even if you disagree, please don’t make me wrong. • Acknowledge the greatness within me. • Remember to look for my good intentions. • Tell me the truth with compassion.
Be Sincere • Acting without deceit or pretense. Being genuine and straightforward in relationships. Matching your actions with your words. • Congruence: your thoughts and feelings match your words and actions. • Building trust requires that you be sincere and congruent consistently so others can trust your word.
Be Sincere • Congruence is a character issue, not a technique to be taught. • Bad habits and character flaws to address: • Gossiping • Lying/fibbing/misleading • Hiding our strong feelings
Be Trustworthy • Your word can be trusted. • Giving your word in an agreement and being willing to accept the consequences of that agreement.
Be Trustworthy You become loose with your word by making: • Agreements out of politeness • Vague and ambiguous agreements • Agreements you enter into with enthusiasm, forget and never bring up again • Agreements you don’t intend to keep and hope the other person will forget
Be Trustworthy • Honoring your word: “Working by Agreement” • 1. Make only those agreements you intend to keep. • 2. Avoid making or accepting “fuzzy” agreements. • 3. Give earliest notice when agreements must be broken. • 4. Clean up broken agreements.