„WE NEED TO BECOME THE CHANGE WE WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.”. - Mahatma Gandhi. NONVIOLENT, COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION Developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg. This presentation is compiled by Hava Eva Jonai authorized NVC trainer www.emk.hu www.cnvc.org.
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„WE NEED TO BECOME THE CHANGE WE WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.”
- Mahatma Gandhi
This presentation is compiled by
Hava Eva Jonai
authorized NVC trainer
created by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.is a powerfulprocessforinspiringcompassionate connection and action.
NVC provides a framework and set of skills
to addressrelationshipproblems ranging
from the most intimate to global political conflicts.
The process of NVC helps connect us with what is alivein ourselves and in others moment-to-moment, with whatwe and others could do to make life more wonderful,and with an awareness of what gets in the way ofnatural giving and receiving.
The Center for Nonviolent Communication isa nonprofitglobal organization whose vision isa world where everyone’s needs are met peacefully.
Our mission is to contribute to this vision by facilitatingthe creation oflife-serving systems within ourselves,inter-personally and within organizations.
We do this by living and teaching the process of NVC.
WORDS CAN BEWINDOWS OR WALLS
Conflict is an integral part of life and learning.
A disagreement can develop into violent
interchange with the possibility of emotional,
psychologicaland ultimately physical harm.
we can choose to perceive a dispute
with trust and goodwill,
as „ a dance and flow of communication”,
in which the needs of self and others
can be explored and fulfilled.
thought and communication
strengthen one’s ability to
AND RESOLVE DIFFERENCES
THE USE OF NVC IN TEAMWORK
or a new alternative:
If you react as you always reacted
you will receive what you always did! (unknown)
Honestly expressing what’s alive in me
Empathically connecting to what’s alive in the other person (whatever it is)
is to create a flow
of information and empathy
in which both parties enjoy
exploring and fulfilling
each other’s needs.
Fulfilling this aim
I focus on :
”What is alive in me?”and”What can I do to make life more beautiful?”
What is alive in us?
FEELINGSindicate if and how ourUniversal HumanNEEDS (Values)are fulfilled at this moment.All Feelings are signalscalling our attention to our Needs.
What is alive in us?
What is alive in us?
If we learn to perceive and naturally expressourFEELINGSandNEEDSwe can control our lives effectively.
What’s alive in me?
What would make life more beautiful for me?
When I see / hear / remember you …
(expressing the behavior that triggered my feeling)
I feel … (e.g. disappointment )…
(expressing the feeling)
and I need … (e.g. acceptance)…
(expressing the need)
Would you be willing to... (e.g. tell me what you heard me say)? (I could add: „It would help me to know, if I managed to express myself clearly.”)
(brief, positíve, do-able, here-and-now request)
The ABC of REQUESTS
A. Would you be willing to tell me what you heard mesay?(Requesting communication: attention is on A’s side)
B. Would you be willing to tell me how you feel… what you think? (Requesting communication: attention is on B’s side)
C. Would you please tell me if you are willing to… (act this way…) next time? (Requesting concrete action)
Am I making
a Request?(I accept ”no” for an answer.)
a Demand?(I do not accept ”no” for an answer.)
Instead of focusingon the other person’s thoughts, listen for their FEELINGS and NEEDS!
Don’t just do –
Some blocks ofEMPATHY:
Advise,“I think you should…”
Agree,“You are right. He is a jerk.”
Analyse,“Do you think you might be jealous of her?”
Commiserate,“He did that to you, the jerk!”
Console,“It wasn’t your fault. You did the best you could.”
Correct,“That’s not how it was.”
Diagnose, “You are a bit paranoid.”
Disagree,“I don’t think it’s hopeless.”
Educate,“You can learn from this.”
Evaluate“If you hadn’t been so rude…”
Explain,“I wanted to call, but”; “She said that only because…”
Fix it,“What will help is…”
Interrogate,“How did it happen?”
Judge,“You are making a mountain out of a molehill.”
Logic,“Most people with diabetes live happy, productive lives.”
One-up“You should hear what happened to…”
Philosophise,“Everything happens for a reason.”
Praise,“You are a strong person. You’ll do just fine!”
Reassure,“Don’t worry, he’ll call you.”
Shut down,“Don’t worry about it.”
Story telling,“That reminds me of the time…”
Sympathize,“You poor thing. I feel awful foryou.”
Take blame“Sorry I should have…”
of our needs”
Marshall B. Rosenberg
If we treat human beings the way they arethey become worse thanthey really are.
If we treat people the way
theywould like to be
we help them to become
what they are capable of.
I focus on how you are without hearing judgment or criticism.
I receive your request with compassion without hearing demand – I hear only what would make your life more beautiful.
He/she perceives and understandsthe other person’s feelings, whilebeing able to keep in touch withhis/her own feelings.
A compassionate person aims at understanding the situation thattriggered the other person’s feelings.
He/she makes sure the other person feels secure and understood.
What’s alive in you?
What would make life more beautiful for you?
When you see / hear / remember…,
(listening for the behavior that triggered your feeling)
you feel … (e.g. disappointment ) …
(listening for the feeling)
and you need … (e.g. acceptance)?
(listening for the need)
Would you like me to...(e.g. tell you what I heard you say)?
SUMMARYSome of the areas of awareness and skillsdeveloped by the use of NVC:
Taking responsibility for other people’s feelings
Feeling angry and fed up with beingresponsible for other people’s feelings
Taking responsibility for own intentions and actions
Taking responsibility for self, while other people’s well-being is just as important.
How can Ilet you know that I VALUE YOURWELL-BEING JUST AS MUCHAS MINE?
Do I want to be right, or
do I choose love…
(„A Course in Miracles”)
When I am right the other person is wrong …
In love there is no winning and losing, we are together!
What do I notice…
What do I feel…
What need of mine is being fulfilled…