COMMUNICATION MAGIC

1. COMMUNICATIONMAGIC how to erase conflicts and confrontations in recruitment and in your life! Most of the ideas in this presentation should be credited to Sam Horne, author of “TONGUE FU!” SPEAKER:Judy Rosman, JD

2. Conflicts and confrontations You need to be an Expert at managing conflicts

3. What happens when someone complains to you, or about you? GOAL end the complaint so the complainer feels better, rather than react with defensiveness NORMAL REACTION get defensive

4. How to end a complaint and make the complainer feel better USE THE THREE A’s ASK YOURSELF“how would I feel?” Agree - Apologize - Act

5. What if it’s not your fault and it is not appropriate to agree or apologize? • YOUR choice • EXPLAINwhy it’s not your fault (or why it’s someone else’s fault) • Or… • Respond with empathy and useTWO A’s(Acknowledge and Act) • WHICHis likely to end the complaint? • HOW will the complainer feel?

6. Keep the peace by avoiding “BUT” avoid the word “BUT” “useAND”instead! “BUT” “AND” affirms the first part of a sentence and acknowledges its importance negates the first part of a sentence and can set up a conflict

7. How to get out of an argument if you are in one…because in an argument, nobody wins

8. How to get out of an argument over an emotional topic ACKNOWLEDGE BOTH SIDES “we’re both right” OR • JUST ACKNOWLEDGEthe OTHER PERSON’S SIDE! • Segue to a safer topic

9. How to get out of an argument and come to a resolution “There is no way in heck we are recruiting another surgeon” • MOVE TOWARD A SOLUTION • “I know we can work something out” “We must recruit a new surgeon…someone who can capture the business we are losing!” “We don’t have enough volume!” • ACKNOWLEDGE SHARED GOALS • “we share the same goals” We all share the same goal…a busy practice

10. How to stop an argument over a contract term (or any other item in a negotiation) • MOVE TOWARD A SOLUTION“I know we can work something out” • AGREE TO DISAGREE “let’s come back to this one” • Make a list of each person’s needs and wants • Use those needs and wants to come • up with a creative solution

11. How to exit an uncomfortable discussion THE CHALLENGE peers are bad-mouthing each other, physicians, or superiors, and expecting or asking you to chime in THE SOLUTION master the art of saying nothing, and re-direct the conversation “I hope you don’t mind if I keep quiet” “we have a limited amount of time. Let’s try to finish the items on our agenda”

12. How to turn a mistake into positive action • when things go WRONG look for SOLUTIONS • instead of assigning BLAME use “US” or“WE” to allow others to save face • replace “YOU SHOULD HAVE” withPOSITIVE COACHING

13. EXAMPLE Use recruitment failures to motivate new behavior (without laying blame) • physicians SABOTAGE recruitment into group

14. EXAMPLE Use recruitment failures to motivate new behavior (without laying blame) • NOBODY CALLED • the candidate • for • a month

15. EXAMPLE Use recruitment failures to motivate new behavior (without laying blame) • you lost the CANDIDATEbecause the hiring authority didn’t “sell” the position

16. Help make sure necessary actions are taken by others RECRUITERSoften need to MANAGEa process from a DEFERENTIAL POSITION schedule short, regular meetings prepare a concise agenda anticipate problems and offer a solution make it as easy as possible for the other person to take action

17. Ways to “manage up” to the stakeholders EMPATHIZE SHARE CONTROL and RESPONSIBILITY • “do you have a way you’d like to accomplish this?” • OR • “what would you suggest?”

18. How to say “no” without upsetting anyone DELAY “I'd like to take some time to think about that” SAY“NO” unless a condition is met you can express this positively by saying “YES” with a condition: “I can do that if xyz happens”

19. How do you REALLY say “no” without upsetting anyone? USE “I WISH” LANGUAGE • sayNOandYES • sayNO • just sayNO with a • use “I wish” AND (not but!) an explanation • RECOMMENDATION

20. How to exit a conversation without appearing rude 5 needs met? EASY STEPS TO END A CONVERSATION IN A FRIENDLY WAY 1 2 interrupt paraphrase 3 4 use a “wrap up” statement 5 close with a final and friendly phrase

21. THE SANDWICH METHOD (best used for delivering constructive criticism or coaching) IDENTIFY THE GOOD NEWSbefore the negative event, what was going well? PRESENT THE BAD NEWS but don’t say it’s bad news! Just present the facts AVOID EXCUSES AVOID BLAMING ANYBODY PRESENT THE SILVER LININGis there a way you can improve or something good that will come of the situation? How to deliver bad news (without making the recipient upset with YOU) Everything goes better with cake

22. How to deliver bad news when there is no good news4-step method if there is no good news 2 1 3 4 • make a neutral statement both you and the listener can agree on • give the bad news in one sentence • provide supporting facts and/or what can be done to help • state and acknowledge the impact of the news on the listener AND be empathetic

23. Things to avoid when delivering bad news3things that make delivering bad news worse 2 1 3 • delivering the bad news first—a bad idea • talking about how difficult it is for you to deliver the bad news • lying

24. WE MAY PRE-JUDGE BASED ON appearance manner past experience with that person reputation BUT WE CAN CHANGE OUR MINDS IF WE give the person a chance try to put ourselves “in their shoes” remember that prejudices need to be actively ignored, and listen to what the person says rather than pre-judging How to interact with someone you don’t like in a positive way

25. How to persuade someone 5 believe you can succeed with your proposal! PRINCIPLESOF PERSUASION 1 2 • anticipate and voice the listener’s objections 3 number points about why your proposal is a good idea, and give examples to illustrate each point 4 • tell how your proposal will benefit the listener: use “you” language 5 help the listener imagine your idea through questions and anecdotes

26. How to change a “no” into a “yes” • THREE“R’S” • CANREVERSEA • REFUSAL! • RETREAT accept the “no” gracefully • RE-EVALUATEwhat could you have done better? why did they say “no”? use this to uncover new proof to back up your proposal RE-APPROACH acknowledge you have discussed this before and say there is new information. present your idea again using the… FIVE PRINCIPLES OF PERSUASION

27. Takeaway points AVOIDconflicts by understanding the other person’s perspective, wants, and needs RESIST the natural urge to be defensive when attacked WHENpeople complain, don’t explain or blame! use the three A’s or two A’s, and focus on the future SAY“no” without upsetting people by letting them know you wish you could help ALWAYSgive good news or a neutral statement before bad news PERSUADEby focusing on what is important to the other person GETTING from “no” to “yes” requires “new information”

28. Communication magic in one sentence “ALWAYS TRY TO SEE THE WORLD FROM THE OTHER PERSON’S PERSPECTIVE.” knowing what to say in difficult situations will ease you through difficult conversations and help you win friends and respect from co-workers, administrators, executives and candidates!