Chapter 4 Interpersonal communication skills

Chapter 4 Interpersonal communication skills Mohammad R. Rawashdeh emrawhi@yahoo.com

Interpersonal Elements: How to build positive workplace relations (clarity, respect, assertiveness, flexibility.) Define conflict types (causes of conflicts). Recognize conflict styles (avoiders, friendly, helpers, tough battlers, compromisers, problem solvers). Conflict Strategies.

Positive workplace relations People do not express themselves clearly because: • Relate to message structure • Sending the most appreciate message for the situation and relation.

Positive workplace relations Four specific qualities will improve workplace relations & are necessary for create positive communication climate in the workplace • Clarity (verbal and nonverbal): Unclear messages are due to: 1.Intentionally hide feeling & experiences for fear of rejection. 2.Inability to express our thoughts & feelings into words. Sometimes words say something, while voice tone & body posture say other thing confusing the receivers of our message. (Words we use must reflect our inner world)

Positive workplace relations 2. Respect: Sending respectful messages that do not create defensive response. Communicate mutual respect. Show care of other. Respect is shared by listening with understanding to others & speaking in way that show a feeling of equality & caring. 3. Assertiveness: We often react in two ways when we feel that someone is violating our rights: 1. Passively; letting others “walk all” over them. 2.Aggressively; putting the other in the defensive. (show respect for our rights and needs and also treat others as we would like to be treated)

Positive workplace relations 4. Flexibility: Cope with circumstances in a constructive way. Rather than defining your faults, listen to words that correct and improve mistakes. (Cope with criticism(نقد) in a constructive way): When confronted with criticism, we often find the need to justify our behavior in a defensive way rather than to listen for information which may help us correct a serious fault or deal with manipulative( (متلاعبهcriticism in a tactfulلبقه way.

Positive workplace relations Some skills to solve conflict problems: • Use specific and tentative language . • Give direct, honest and appropriate messages. • Criticism can be handled by analyzing, acknowledging , assertion or inquiry

Conflict types • Despite our best efforts to build positive workplace relations, conflict is inevitable & is bound to occur in all work environments • Conflicts implies disagreement, discord, and friction among members of a group. • Interaction where words, emotions, and actions "strike together" to produce disruptive effects. • Poor performance of an employee is seldom the cause of conflict

Conflict types • The five leading causes of conflicts are: • Misunderstanding-Miscommunication. • Disrespect or disregard of other people. • Conflict egos (self or personality)..الغرور أو الأنا • Impatience. • Fear and insecurity over loss of control.

Conflict types There are main types of conflict: • Interpersonal Conflict • Intergroup Conflict. • Intrapersonal Conflict* (not mail type).

Conflict types Define interpersonal conflict types: • Pseudo conflicts (شبه نزاع أو نزاع زائف) • Fact conflicts • Ego conflicts • Value conflicts • Need conflicts

Conflict types • Pseudo-Conflict (not real):- This type of conflict happens when people have misunderstandings with each other. • Can result from two causes: • Faulty assumptions • False dilemmas (معضلات كاذبه )

Conflict types Faulty assumptions: You and your partner agree to clean the office on Friday afternoon, at that time you see your partner leave the building, what's your reaction? Your reaction mat be that your partner is ducking out on the cleaning job. Setting yourself up for a pseudo-conflict.

Conflict types 2. False dilemmas (see only two choices as solutions to a problems): Your boss asked you to attend training course, while you have full schedule of duties, what to do? Your choice may be “either” “or” , while there are many other choices.

Conflict types • Fact Conflict:- Occur when individuals disagree about information that could be easily verified. • For example how many miles per gallon the hybrid cars are getting ? Or what are the tolerances of machining a particular part?

Conflict types • Ego Conflict:- Results when we argue over who has the “right” facts. Rather than solving problems those engaged in ego conflicts spend their energy proving their self-worth, or their power. For example: I think that I know more than my friends about basketball

Conflict types • Value conflict: Focus on personal beliefs that you hold. You may value the right to organize workers & engage in collective bargaining. Or you may believe that employees should have the right to choose their own health care providers.

Conflict types • Needs conflict: Occur when needs of one individual are at the odds with the needs of others. • When I need a tool to end my job and you do so. • When I need time to complete my report and you need my help

Outline Conflict styles Conflict strategies Relationship tools Using skillful language

Recognize conflict styles In general There is five styles people use in conflict situations: • Avoiders • Friendly helpers • Tough battlers • Compromisers • Problem solvers

Conflict styles • Avoiders: (steer clear of conflict for a variety of reasons such as lack of time or energy, change the subject or simply agree) • Some people simply hate difficult conversations and will do anything to avoid facing the issue. • They may lack the time, confidence, energy or skills to engage in conflict. • Fearful that the conflict will escalate if they engaged • Avoiders try to stay away from conflict by leaving situation, changing the subject,…….

Conflict styles Although constant use of avoidance is not recommended you may choose this style as means of buying time in order to think through the problem, as a way of temporarily defusing strong emotions,…..

Conflict styles • Friendly helpers: (allow others to determine the outcome of a conflict) • They “give in” to keep the peace. • This style is most appropriate when the conflict is not that important • In the other hand repeated accommodation may result in resentment and failure

Conflict styles • Tough battlers: • They expect to get their needs met regardless of the costs. • Their needs come first and sometimes with no regard for the needs of others • These individuals see conflict as a win or lose situation in which they must be the winner.

Conflict styles • Tough battlers: • They employ persuasion (توجه) with emotional appeals(نداء), forceful deliveries and persistence (اصرار) to get their needs • They are impatience with others who do not see things their way • They are interested in implementing their solution to a problem rather than listening to opinions, needs and feelings of others.

Conflict styles Tough battlers While battling can lower morale and stifle creativity, in some situations this approach may be the appropriate. Example, when decisions have to be made quickly or when crisis must be dressed, battling may be most reasonable option.

Conflict styles • compromisers: • They think that those involved in the conflict must each be prepared to give up something in order to reach a solution. • They expect to settle for less than their needs. • They usually employ maneuvering, negotiating and trading in an attempt to find a solution.

Conflict styles • compromisers: • They subscribe to the principle “we must both give a little”. We can both live with the solution. • Finding some middle ground may provide a partial solution to a conflict. However, unmet needs may still remain, and for those involved the commitment to the solution will be lukewarm at best.

Conflict styles • Problem solvers: • They believe that both parties can and will get their needs met. • If we understand each other’s needs, we will be able to find a way to meet both parties needs.

Conflict styles • Problem solvers: • They share information about what they need and listen to understand what the other needs. • Trust and openness make searching for possible solutions a creative experience. • This style has the advantages of promoting collaboration and commitment but it seems unattainable when needs of those involved are not understood or listened to.

Conflict styles Problem solvers: When individuals or a group plan to solve a problem, their chances for success increases if they follow problem-solving approach !? Permanent solution can be achieved by problem solving approach.

Conflict styles Conflict styles may be used habitually or they may be a conscious choice

Conflict strategies Regardless of the conflict style you select, there are some ground rules for conflict may enhance your success: Agree upon a date and format to discuss the conflict Rehearse what you will say and how you will respond Confront the other (stating the problem, describe your feelings, and identify the consequences) .

Conflict strategies Provide feedback (paraphrase the previous speaker before commenting, feedback is best when it summarizes the content and feelings of the other) Make a specific request of the other person that you feel would resolve the conflict. Allow the other to respond to your request. Continue the process of listening, paraphrasing and asserting throughout the discussion of the issue. Acknowledge closure of the discussion (when agreement is achieved or a recess is needed). Arrange a follow up that provides an opportunity to review the implementation of the solution or renews discussion in light of the time passed.

Conflict strategies Basic rules for “fair fighting”: Select the right time to fight (not mealtimes, bedtimes, or when you or the other is too upset). Try to maintain control of anger and strong feelings (be fair and sensitive to the feelings of the others). Limit your fighting to one issue (the real issue). Take turns clearly expressing your concerns and listening to others response.

Conflict strategies Remember that conflicts have at least two important factors: The issue and the relationship. To solve a problem at the expense of the other person can destroy a relationship, yet to maintain a relationship where issues are not addressed can be equally frustrating. Meeting both parties needs is the best way to resolve conflicts.

Interpersonal relationship tools Problem solving approach: (6-Steps process in seeking an elegant problem solutions & their messages; problem solving techniques) • Define the problem in term of needs, not solution. (your needs are important to me) • Brainstorm possible solutions (I value your creative thinking) • Select the best solution (group of solutions) that will met the both parties needs (I want you to have your needs satisfied)

Interpersonal relationship tools Problem solving approach: • Plan who will do what, where, and when. (you and I are willing to make joint decision & plans to get our needs meet) • Implement the plan. (we have the power to change our behavior in a way that can improve our relationship) • Evaluate the problem solving process & how will the solution worked. (we can get better at problem solving & we are flexible)

There is two interpersonal basics skills: • Using Skillful language. • Using Assertion messages.

Using skillful language Skillful language is: • specific language • Tentative language • Informing language

Using skillful language • Specific language: • One of the most frequent causes of misunderstanding is using general language. • No two people will ever process information from other one in the exact same way. • To avoid these breakdowns keep in mind the following suggestions:

Using skillful language specific language: • Do not assume that receivers should know what you mean • Avoid the use of absolutes( always, never) “you are always late” . Be specific: “you were 20 min late for work this morning”

Using skillful language • When expressing needs, wants or thoughts, state your message in the most concrete or specific words possible (“I want you to help out this afternoon” or “I need you to answer the phone and take messages while I attend the 1:00 pm meeting”) versus saying: “ I want you to help out this afternoon”. • Encourage the receiver to paraphrase the message.” I am not sure I made myself clear”.

Using skillful language Example: “S” Specific “G” General • Get the blue, two year old Grand Cherokee in the second row of the used parking lot. “S” • Never buy that brand of tool its really junk “G” • Your workstation is a mess “G” . • There is a 30 percent chance of rain in the forecast today “S” .

Using skillful language • Tentative language: • Tentative language makes its clear to a receiver that your opinions are just opinionsnotfacts and are, therefore subject to error. (Be tentative rather than absolute in the message you send to others).

Using skillful language • tentative language: • Do not describe your opinion as if it always true or absolute. • Opens up the sender to other view points. • Absolute language reports a definite, unchanged point of view whether or not it is correct. • The use of ”I believe…,I think…, It seems to me…, I personally feel…, my belief is…” makes the language more tentative & open to change from both the sender & the receiver.

Using skillful language • Tentative language: • “you never listen to me when I talk to you”. (absolute statement) • “you don’t seem interested in listening or talking right now”. (Tentative statement) You will be less likely to view your opinions as facts.

Using skillful language • Tentative language: • Ms Mendoza is the best teacher in the word. (Absolute statement). • It appears to me that unemployment contributes to increased crime rates. (Tentative statement).

Using skillful language Imagine that you work at company with strong union and you strongly believe unions are necessary and valuable to protect employee rights. Your friend work in non-unionized company feels just the opposite and tells you: “Companies if left a lone would take care of their workers, union always cost their members money

Using skillful language and don’t really provide protection to their workers”. Since your views are in direct opposition to your friend’s, your response is likely to be defensive and may trigger an argument. But if your friend had said: “I believe that some companies really care about their workers, like where I work and that some unions don’t necessarily guarantee worker protection. Your reaction to the statement will be different.

Chapter 4 Interpersonal communication skills