Mentoring through Difficult Conversations

1. Mentoring through Difficult Conversations Michele Oakes, NBCT, Mentor Program Coordinator – Bend-LaPine SD Sarah Fish, Assistant Director, Professional Learning and Leadership - Portland Public Schools Tessalie Schulte M.Ed., Department of Professional Learning and Leadership, Teacher on Special Assignment - Portland Public Schools Lisa Blount, Department of Professional Learning and Leadership, Teacher on Special Assignment - Portland Public Schools

2. Agenda Welcome, Introductions, Norms, Objectives Find Partners Connector Types of Difficult Conversations Entry Points Planned Conversations Problem of Practice Locus of Control Resistance Resilience Recognize Your Conflict Style Resources Evaluation Agenda & Norms Norms for Collaboration • Be on time and prepared, including returning from breaks. • Share a positive attitude, listen attentively, no side conversations, silence phones. • Contribute by sharing ideas and experience, asking questions, speaking honestly. • Respect all points of view and ideas. • Equity of voice- everyone has a chance to speak and share.

3. Objectives Participants will: • Identify difficult conversations • Problem-solve challenging mentor situations using conversation stems and strategies • Role-play typical challenging mentor situations • Identifying resistance and resilience Participant Packet p. 2

4. Brad Pitt Beyoncé Find your partners! Participant Packet p. 3

5. *What are some of the complexities and challenges your beginning teachers face? *What are some of the complexities or challenges you encounter in your mentoring? Think. Write one response on each post-it. Difficult and Complex Situations Participant Packet p. 4

6. Take your post-it notes and sort into 2 categories: Beginning Teacher Challenges and Mentoring Challenges What themes, patterns or trends emerge? Challenge Sort Participant Packet p. 5

7. Administration Professionalism Apathetic I got this Canceling/avoidance Personality conflict Topics of Difficult Conversations • Colleague conflict • Not teaching curriculum • No observations • Overwhelmed • The crier

8. Unplanned The rant The complaining The hostile explosion The whine Planned Info from a principal, co-worker, etc. Data from an observation Follow up from a previous conversation Two Types of Difficult Conversations

9. Assess the situation Make a plan Listen for language cues/entry points Foster thinking Unplanned: Difficult Conversations that Occur Spontaneously

10. What’s the situation? Will the teacher need to talk the situation out? What feelings are involved? May not need to be identified verbally Be aware What are the issues/identity? How do you or the teacher feel threatened? Are they repetitive or one-time? Are they minor or major? Assess the Situation

11. The teacher is unaware or is framing the situation as if s/he did not control it. The teacher is using blame or excuses to distance him/herself from responsibility. Multiple coaching approaches prior to this have not created changes in teaching behavior. The teacher lacks specific training as reflected in teaching choices. Challenging Factors

12. 2. Make a Plan Participant Packet p. 6

13. Listen for: Generalizations (always, never, all, everyone) Rule-based language (should, can’t have to, must) Judgements (wrong, bad, poor, weak, lazy) Comparisons (better, less, more) Victim language (blame, fault) Unspecified nouns (they, people, students, parents) 3. Entry Points Adapted from the work of Arthur Costa and Robert Garmston Participant Packet p. 7-8

14. Entry Point Activity 3 Step Entry Point Activity With a partner: • Look over the entry points and responses in packet • Create your own example of something a beginning teacher might say and how you might respond. With other colleagues at your table: • Share your example(s). With the whole group: • Partners volunteer to model a sample entry point and response. • Group determines which category (victim, rule-based, etc…) is being modeled. Participant Packet p. 8-9

15. How can the teacher take the conversation and apply information to their practice or teaching life? 4. Foster Thinking

16. Three C’s and Fostering Thinking

17. Be supportive Be brief Be strategic Sustain judgement It is Important to…

18. Get into Triads Choose a “Challenge” from earlier this morning 1 person is the Beginning Teacher 1 Person is the Mentor 1 Person is the Note taker/Phone a Friend Use the 4 Steps to Assess the situation Make a plan Listen for language cues/entry points Foster thinking Practice Participant Packet p. 11

19. 10 Minutes Break

20. Change your mindset Breathe Plan, but don’t script The Planned Conversations

21. Start from the “third story” Stick to the facts Explore their story and yours Be objective and compassionate Show you care Problem solve - Partnership What to remember…

22. I have something I’d like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively. I’d like to talk about ____________ with you, but first I’d like to get your point of view. I need your help with what just happened. Do you have a few minutes to talk? I need your help with something. Can we talk about it (soon)? If the person says, “Sure, let me get back to you,” follow up with him. I think we have different perceptions about _____________________. I’d like to hear your thinking on this. I’d like to talk about ___________________. I think we may have different ideas about how to _____________________. I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ___________. I really want to hear your feelings about this and share my perspective as well. Create your own sentence frames Participant Packet p. 12

23. Volunteers will pose a problem of practice Teachers self-select which problem of practice group they would like to join Protocol Problems of Practice Participant Packet p. 13

24. Problem of Practice Participant Packet p. 14

25. Locus of Control Participant Packet p. 17

26. Internal External Believes success or failure a result of luck, chance, fate or powerful others Tend to be negative, give up easily, not try hard Won’t initiate contact or repair damaged relationships Feels victimized, helpless May have feelings of anxiety, inadequacy, emotional instability Works better when pace is automated Low achievers, expect to fail, submissive Locus of Control • Believes they have control of personal success or failure • Perseveres, doesn’t give up easily, works hard • Works toward positive relationships • Takes responsibility for own actions and decisions • Less prone to anxiety, stress, depression • Works better when can set own pace • High achievers, expect to perform well, dominant Based on Principles originated by Julian Rotter, 1954

27. Three C’s and Impact on the Locus of Control

28. LUNCH11:30-12:15

29. Resistance Describe a mentoring situation where you encountered resistance. What were you thinking and feeling at the time? What do you think the beginning teacher was thinking and feeling? “That’s not going to work.” “I’ve tried that before.” “Yeah, I do that already. You just didn’t see it today.” “Not with these kids." Participant Packet p. 22

30. Types of Resistant Teacher Behaviors Adapted from Jessica Bohn, Turning Resistant Teachers into Resilient Teachers, ASCD Express, February 13, 2014 http://www.ascd.org/ascd-express/vol9/910-bohn.aspx Carousel Activity Directions Participant Packet p. 23

31. Advice from Jim Knight Understanding Teacher Resistance

32. “Emotional resilience, a component of emotional intelligence, is the ability to bounce back after a setback and to thrive in the midst of challenges, not just survive. Emotional resilience rests upon strong emotional intelligence; to be resilient, you must recognize when you're having emotions, know what you're feeling, and have strategies to respond to and engage with the emotions. Emotional resilience is essential for everyone—life is inevitably stressful." Elena Aguilar, Emotional Resilience, The Missing Ingredient, Educational Leadership, May 2018 Resiliency: A Definition

33. Reflection Think about some moments in your life- whether personal or professional-when something really difficult or challenging happened. How did you get through it? How did you “bounce back?” What helped you “bounce back?” Share out with your table group. Participant Packet p. 24

34. Dimensions of Resilience Three dimensions form a comprehensive resilience framework: the interpretation of current adversity and future possibility, the resilience capacity to tackle adversity, and the actions needed to become more resilient in the face of the adversity. Resilience is a process that leads to an outcome, and the central focus of resilience research is on the mediating processes. van Breda, Adrian D.. (2018). A critical review of resilience theory and its relevance for social work. Social Work , 54(1), 1-18. http://www.scielo.org.za/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S0037-80542018000100002

35. 12 Ways to Boost Resilience in New Teachers From: 12 Ways to Boost Resilience in New Teachers, Elena Aguilar, Brightmorning.com Participant Packet p. 25 & Handout

36. 10 Minutes Break

37. Think about a positive, successful conversation that you’ve had as a mentor When the timer starts, write about it for 2 minutes Consider: Who was involved? How did it start? What was the purpose of the conversation? What made the talk a good one? How long did it last? How much planning went into it ahead of time? Quick Write – 2 Minutes Participant Packet p. 26

38. Think about a difficult conversation that you’ve had as a mentor When the timer starts, write about it for 1 minute Consider: Who was involved? How did it start? What was the purpose of the conversation? What made the talk a difficult one? How long did it last? How much planning went into it ahead of time? Another Quick Write – 2 Minutes Participant Packet p. 26

39. With your Beyoncé partner What were the differences between these conversations Emotions Effectiveness Situation Participants Purpose Planning Partner: Beyoncé Participant Packet p. 27

40. Conflict is inevitable. Combat is optional. Conflict

41. Recognize your Conflict Style Participant Packet p. 28

42. When you consider your difficult situation, what evidence do you find of your conflict style? Partner: Brad Participant Packet p. 29

43. Question stems Entry points Knowledge of Resistance and Resilience Locus of Control Coaching Stances (3Cs) Recognizing own Conflict Style Mentors Need for Difficult Conversations Participant Packet p. 30

44. 3 Tips to Keep Difficult Conversations on Track. March 2017. Forbes Coaches Council. “14 Ways to Approach Conflict and Difficult Conversations at Work.” July 2017. Hough, Karen. How to Handle Tough Conversations in Three Simple Steps. Feb. 2011. Ringer, Judy. “We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations.” Stone, Douglas. Patton, Bruce. Heen, Sheila. “5 Steps for Tackling Tough Conversations,” Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. Types of Conflict. August 2013. New Teacher Center. “Coaching in Complex Situations”. 2012. Resources Participant Packet p. 30

45. Closing Closing & Evaluation In your packet, jot 3 things you learned 2 things you still want to learn 1 question you still have And we appreciate your feedback on evaluation Participant Packet p. 31