Becoming single again
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Becoming Single Again. Written by: Alanzo Smith, EdD Family Counselor for the Greater New York Conference of Seventh-day Adventist in Manhasset, New York, USA From Revival and Reformation: Families Reaching Across. Presented by: (add presenter name here). The Reality of A Divorce.

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Becoming Single Again

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Becoming single again

Becoming Single Again

Written by: Alanzo Smith, EdD

Family Counselor for the Greater New York Conference of

Seventh-day Adventist in Manhasset, New York, USA

From Revival and Reformation: Families Reaching Across.

Presented by: (add presenter name here)


The reality of a divorce

The Reality of A Divorce

  • Divorce rate in the USA

    • 50% of all marriages end in divorce

    • Highest divorce rate in the world

  • Impacts of a divorce

    • Profound and long lasting

    • Affects couple, family members, friends, church and community


Emotional impact

Emotional Impact

  • Mourning alone – emotional pain of being single again (Forrest, 1981)

  • Feelings of loneliness, devastation

    • Victimized by labeling of others

    • Rejection by others

    • Physical and emotional consequences

    • Coming to grips with the reality of being single again


Loss of spouse to death

Loss of Spouse to Death

  • Widowhood may demand major life adjustments.

  • Dual dilemma of having to reorganize and restructure the management of life

    • When children are involved, the dynamics of the family adjustments can be challenging.

    • When the surviving parent is involved in a new relationship it can cause conflicts.


Being single again

Being single again

  • Singleness is not a dysfunction.

    • It marks the loss of a “socially valued status.”

    • It is not the loss of your valued self.

  • The majority of singles lead respectful, honest and wholesome lives.

  • As a child of God, singles can face their reality with determination and dignity.


Emotions

Emotions

  • Undifferentiated sadness

  • Episodic anger

  • Feelings of loneliness

  • Irrational helplessness

  • Shock and Awe

  • Preoccupation with revenge

  • Excessive guilt

  • Heightened sense of spirituality

  • Social withdrawal

  • Absentmindedness


Managing your emotions

Managing Your Emotions

  • Provide time for grieving. Grief is normal. Give yourself sufficient time to return to basic functioning such as going back to work and household tasks.

  • Recognize your emotional feelings. There should be no rationalization or suppression of emotions.

  • Explore defenses and coping style. Defense mechanisms are often used to obscure reality. For example you may shift uncomfortable feelings to a child.


Accept the circumstances

Accept the circumstances

  • Find meaning to the loss. (Romans 8:28)

    • God is working with us in every good or bad situation.

  • Let go and let God

    • God has ultimate control over your life. Re-invest the emotional energy of the separation in self and God.

    • Get professional help. Sometimes you will not be able to mitigate every situation yourself.

    • Improve social competence.


Steps for growth

Steps for Growth

  • Get involved in meaningful hobbies and activities.

  • Attend and participate in church activities.

  • Let go of negative emotions and forgive yourself and your ex-spouse.

  • God is waiting to partner with you to open new doors.

    See Handout 2


Remarriage

Remarriage

  • It is a healing gift when done in harmony with God’s Word.

    • Watch for quick rebounds and the desire to compensate for one’s immediate apprehension.

    • The Bible warns against cohabitation.

    • Society seems to have become more tolerant to couple living together.

    • It is still against the will of God. Place yourself in the center of God’s will.


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