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COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFE

COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFE. IDEAL CONDITIONS AND THE THREE MODES OF TALK!. Lecture 4b. A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS. HUMANISTIC MODEL CONSIDERS FIVE GENERAL, IDEAL QUALITIES: 1. OPENNESS 2. EMPATHY 3. SUPPORTIVENESS.

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COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFE

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  1. COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFE IDEAL CONDITIONS AND THE THREE MODES OF TALK! Lecture 4b

  2. A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS • HUMANISTIC MODEL CONSIDERS FIVE GENERAL, IDEAL QUALITIES: 1. OPENNESS 2. EMPATHY 3. SUPPORTIVENESS

  3. A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS 4. POSITIVENESS: • POSITIVE ATTITUDE vs. CRITICAL ATTITUDE • OPEN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT vs. SILENCE 5. EQUALITY: • GIVE OTHER PERSON UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD vs. ACTING IN A SUPERIOR WAY • SHARING SPEAKING AND LISTENING - SHOWING RESPECT BY TAKING TURNS • SOLVING PROBLEMS vs. WINNING

  4. CHOICE REFLEX SELF- MGT. D.I.A.L.O.G.U.E. TALK SOLVE PROBLEM UNDERSTANDING COMPLIANCE WITHDRAWAL AGREEMENT COMPROMISE COLLABORATION COMMITMENT THREE TYPES OF TALK CONNECT TALK PROBLEM C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK BE RIGHT JUDGEMENT LIGHT HEAVY

  5. CONNECT TALK: ASSUMPTIONS AND STYLE • BASIC AGREEMENT, NO TENSION, EXPECTATIONS CLEAR • SMALL TALK: CHATTY, SOCIABLE, CASUAL • SIMPLE DESCRIPTIONS OF OTHER’S BEHAVIOR AND OF EVENTS • JOKING, STORY TELLING • ROUTINE DESCRIPTION OF SELF • ACTIONS, PREFERENCES, OPINIONS, BELIEFS • VOICE TONE - FRIENDLY, RELAXED

  6. SMALL TALK AS VITAL • TO DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS • ASSOCIATED WITH TRUST • DEMANDED IN SOME CONTEXTS

  7. TYPES OF SMALL TALK • RITUAL TALK - GREETING/LEAVING • PROCEDURAL TALK -MAKE PURCHASE/DO JOB • PASTIME TALK - SOCIAL OCCASIONS • GENDER TALK • “EVER BEEN TO…” • “AIN’T IT AWFUL” • HOW TO…. • DO YOU KNOW...

  8. COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFE THREE MODES OF TALK! Lecture 4C

  9. REFLEX C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK BE RIGHT JUDGEMENT LIGHT HEAVY COMPLIANCE WITHDRAWAL AGREEMENT COMPROMISE THREE TYPES OF TALK CONNECT TALK PROBLEM

  10. WHY C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK OCCURS • A REACTIVE REFLEX • NOT JUST ABOUT CONTENT • ALSO ABOUT OUR SELF PRESENTATION • IT’S ABOUT CONTROLLING OTHERS TALK • TO SUPPORT OUR SELF WHILE TALKING - “FACE” • SOCIAL VALUES WE CLAIM FOR THEMSELVES • BY THE LINE OTHERS ASSUMED WE’VE TAKEN IN THE SITUATION. • CHANGE THEM TO MAKE US FEEL RIGHT • NEED TO BE/FEEL RIGHT - MAJOR MOTIVATOR

  11. WHEN C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK APPEARS • RECOGNIZED POWER DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PEOPLE • TEACH, COACH, MANAGE,SELL - LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L. • EXISTING CONFLICT SITUATIONS • Struggle over Truth, Intentions, Blame • SMALL TALK TURNS INTO PROBLEM TALK • AGREEMENT SUDDENLY DISAPPEARS • THESE “COMPLICATED” SITUATIONS EXIST IN EVERY ORGANIZATION

  12. Manage other/situation to maintain my face If I persist - you change My story is obvious and is the truth Truth based on realdata - mydata I have access to all the data Heavy Control I assume I know what you meant You are to blame ASSUMPTIONS OF C.O.N.T.R.O.L.

  13. PASSIVE COMPLAINT OFFER OLD INFORMATION NEGOTIATE A CHANGE IN OTHER LIGHT CONTROL TYPE C. O. N. ACTIVE CRITIQUE L I G H T OFFER NEW INFORMATION NEGOTIATE A CHANGE IN OTHER

  14. LIGHT C.O.N.(T.R.O.L.) STYLE ELEMENTS • C. Critical Judgment • I Talk From Critical Judgment • Our View Is Obvious And Right - Other Has To Change • They Are Incorrect (Wrong Info Or Perspective); Incomplete (Not Enough Info); Inappropriate (Unethical, Immoral)

  15. LIGHT C.O.N.(T.R.O.L.) STYLE ELEMENTS • O. Offer Them New Information • You-Messages: Tell Them Their Story • Ask Questions ONLY To Probe For Agreement And/Or Understanding Of My Story • Listen For Leverage - For Agreement With Me Or Weakness In Their Story

  16. LIGHT C.O.N.(T.R.O.L.) STYLE ELEMENTS • N. Negotiate A Change In Them • No/Low Acknowledgement Of Their Story • No/Low Support For Them • Reframe Your Arguments Around Their Apparent Weakness, Uncertainty • Win Compromise From Other

  17. OFFER NEW INFORMATION • YOUR DATA • YOUR PERSPECTIVES/ARGUMENTS • ADVICE • TEACHING • DIRECTION • POWER: “I’M IN CONTROL HERE AND I KNOW WHAT’S RIGHT.” • POSITIVE INDUCEMENTS TO CHANGE • PRAISE • IF...THEN PROMISES • LOW COMPULSION

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