Gorzalka, Boris B., Seal, Brooke N., & Brotto, Lori A.

1. This research was made possible by a grant from Chi Sigma Iota. Its contents are solely the responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily represent the official views of Chi Sigma Iota, the National Honor Society in Counseling. The Statement of US John Beckenbach, Ed.D. Department of Counseling, Leadership, Adult Education and School Psychology Gorzalka, Boris B., Seal, Brooke N., & Brotto, Lori A. Activity Outline INTRODUCTION SAMPLE QUESTIONS This poster presents the activity, Statement of US, which is a practice in work with couples experiencing relational conflict. The Statement of Us was born out of the Relational Conflict and Restoration Model (RCRM) developed by Sells, Beckenbach, and Patrick (2009). The RCRM integrates several Narrative practices into the model that are useful in work with couples. This includes externalization, documentation, re-authoring, and communities of concern/definitional ceremony. Externalization is the process by which the problem is redefined in a manner that takes the problem outside of the person (White & Epston, 1990). Through externalization of the relational problem, the potential to rewrite the story in a way that allows the couple new ways of experiencing the relationship are created. Aided by the principles and practices of externalization, the Statement of Us promotes the re-authoring of a relational story. This new relational story becomes embodied through the process of documenting. Documenting can be useful in establishing and extending the new relational story beyond the therapy environment. The process of grounding the couple in a new, preferred storied relationship can be further extended by the inclusion of definitional ceremony. In sharing the Statement of Us document, couples may find the new, preferred-storied relationship becomes the dominant story. This Statement of Us is intended to become the groundwork for what is most central to the couple’s needs for stability and growth. By putting this in the form of a document, the couple has the opportunity to share this statement publicly, an act that asserts their new position on who they commit to be as opposed to living dominated by the problem. Thus this process can serve in giving couples an active method to generate meaning around their status of couplehood. Population: This intervention is oriented towards adult partnered relationships, but has some flexibility for whom it may be used. Setting: The Statement of Us could be used in workshop formats, couples counseling sessions, and/or premarital counseling. Orientation: The Statement of Us could be useful in any relationship where conflict can influence the quality of the relationship. It also can be useful in relationship enhancement oriented experiences. 1. Think about couples that you have observed who had a great “US”. What did each couple do to build the structure of their relationship? 2. What images of “US” do you carry from your Grandparents and your parents to your relational partnership? How do you see these influencing your current relational partnership? 3. What are aspects of your spouse’s relational partnership or marital tradition that you have seen reflected in your current relationship? 4. What sacrifices will you have to make in order for the “me” to become an “US”? How will this be difficult for you? 5. How will “US” be different from the current status of “you and me”? What will be the real life attitude and perspective changes necessary for this to be successful? 6. What do you think couples who create a successful relational partnerships/marriage do to make it work? 7. Reflecting on the questions answered prior and other sources of insight you may have had, create a relational partnership/marriage purpose statement that reflect your priorities, values, and hopes for the relationship. Materials: The materials used for the Statement of Us are paper and writing implements. There is flexibility in what could be used in the work of helping couples develop the Statement of Us. For example, it could be produced on a large, poster type paper, electronically, or even have a personalized document generated. A photo frame, or other means of displaying the document may also be used in this process. Activity: Couples are instructed to jointly create the Statement of Us. Examples of questions that help in the development of the Statement of Us are provided to the couple. These questions can assist in the production of this written statement, but are not intended to be a recipe or exhaustive. Questions can be modified, added or deleted given the context they are to be used. Couples are encouraged to reflect on any number of ideas as they generate the Statement of Us. The couple can approach the document in or out of session. Upon completion, the couples share the document with the counselor, group, or other setting in which it is being used. The couples are then encouraged to reflect on how they would like to present the document or memorialize the Statement of Us. This might include framing the statement and displaying it in a prominent location in their homes, and/or a public reading with family and friends. This process serves an important function in the narrative tradition to promote and firmly establish a new story to ‘us’. By documenting the re-authoring, and new story can be embodied in the relationship with renewed commitment. An example of the Statement of Us is provided (permission to reproduce statement granted by the authors). Example of Statement of Us Partial Reference List Allen, R., & Kreb, N. (2007). Dramatic psychological storytelling. New York, NY: Palgrave MacMillan. Combs, G., & Freedman, J. (2004). A poststructuralist approach to narrative work. In A. Lynne & J. Mcleod (Ed.s.), The Handbook of narrative and psychotherapy: Practice, theory, and research (pp. 137-155). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. Freedman, J. & Combs. G. (1996) Narrative Therapy: The Social Construction of Preferred Realities. New York: Norton. Sells, J., Beckenbach, J., & Patrick, S. (2009). Pain and defense vs. grace and justice: A model of relational conflict restoration. The Family Journal, 17( 3), 203-212. White, M. (1984). Pseudo-encopresis: From avalanche to victory, from vicious to virtuous cycles. Family Systems Medicine, 2(2), 150 – 160. White, M. (2007). Maps of narrative practice. New York, NY: W.W. Norton. White, M., & Epston, D. (1990). Narrative means to therapeutic ends. New York, NY: W.W. Norton. We will commit to seeking God’s Kingdom first in all that we are and do. Our home will be a place where family, friends and guests find joy, comfort, peace and happiness. We will exercise wisdom in what we choose to eat, read and do in our home. We will learn to love another as we develop our own talents. We will exercise initiative in accomplishing our life’s goals. We will act on situations as opportunities, rather than to be acted upon. We will always try to keep ourselves free from addictive and destructive habits. We will develop habits that free us from old labels and limits and expand our capabilities and choices. Our money will be our servant, not our master. Our wants will be subject to our needs and means. We will honor God and choose to obey him every day of our lives. David and Sabrina John Beckenbach, Ed.D. is an Assistant Professor at Texas State University. His research interests include forgiveness strategies in couples counseling and use of Narrative practices. Inquiries welcomed. Please e-mail for inquiries at: jb89@txstate.edu.