Active listening why and how
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ACTIVE LISTENING WHY AND HOW ?. M. Nur ALTINÇEKİÇ Fatma SERGİCİ M. Nihan BOZDOĞAN Mahmut ŞAHİN Canan KARATAŞ. THE LISTENING PROCESS. “Listening is being silent with another person in an active way” Morton Kelsey. THE LISTENING PROCESS. Listening in communication process

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Active listening why and how

ACTIVE LISTENINGWHY AND HOW ?

  • M. Nur ALTINÇEKİÇ

  • Fatma SERGİCİ

  • M. Nihan BOZDOĞAN

  • Mahmut ŞAHİN

  • Canan KARATAŞ


The listening process

THE LISTENING PROCESS

“Listening is being silent with another person in an active way”

Morton Kelsey


The listening process1

THE LISTENING PROCESS

  • Listening in communication process

  • The Listening Process

  • Purposes of Listening

  • Listening and Your life

    Nur ALTINÇEKİÇ


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

  • ----You can’t learn to listen. You are either good at it or not

  • ---- Listening requires very little effort

  • ---- The words “listening” and “hearing” mean the same thing.

  • ---- Listening involves only ears

  • ---- Listening is an objective process. Your emotions do not affect your ability to listen


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

  • ---- You tend to speak more than you listen

  • ---- Good speakers are usually good listeners

  • ---- You listen better as you get older

  • ---- Your need to listen becomes less

  • after you leave school

  • ---- You listen primarily to get information


Listening in communication process

LISTENING IN COMMUNICATION PROCESS


Listening in communication process1

LISTENING IN COMMUNICATION PROCESS

Here is what Paul Rankin

found:

Our communication time is

devoted:

9 percent to writing,

16 percent to reading,

30 percent to speaking,

and 45 percent to LISTENING


Listening in communication process2

LISTENING IN COMMUNICATION PROCESS

The communication

Process:

communication involves sharing

of meanings

  • Sharing: Person who is listening working hard also

  • Meanings: Common meanings make it possible to communicate


Listening in communication process3

LISTENING IN COMMUNICATION PROCESS

There are three main ideas to remember

about listening

  • Speaking and listening happen at the same time

  • Listeners must be aware of both verbal and nonverbal messages

  • Effective communication occurs when the speakers and listeners share their meanings


The listening process2

THE LISTENING PROCESS


The listening process3

THE LISTENING PROCESS

Listening is a process of receiving,

interpreting, evaluating and responding to

messages

  • Receiving – Using Your Ears and Eyes

  • Interpreting – Tying in Your Experience

  • Evaluating – Examinig the Message

  • Responding – Expending an Effort


The listening process4

THE LISTENING PROCESS

Ali says:

“It looks as if my father is going to get

married”.


Purposes of listening

PURPOSES OF LISTENING


Purposes of listening1

PURPOSES OF LISTENING

  • To engage in social rituals

    One practical reason to listen well is to be able to

    participate in social situations.

  • To exchange information

    We listen most frequently to understand what another

    person trying to tell us

  • To exert control

    You need to be able to take control of your response

  • To share feelings

    Sharing feelings requires personal effort and risk both

    speaker and listener

  • To enjoy yourself:

    You listen other people’s speech for pleasure


To engage in social rituals

To engage in social rituals


To exchange information

To exchange information


To exert control

To exert control


To share feelings

To share feelings


To enjoy yourself

To enjoy yourself:


Gett i ng the mean i ng

GETTING THE MEANING

The Perception Process

The Context

Barriers to Listening

FATMA SERGİCİ


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that you heard is not what I meant.”


A the perception process

A. THE PERCEPTION PROCESS

  • Perception, is the process by which you filter and interpret what your senses tell you, so you can create a meaningful picture of the world.


Two step perception process

Two-step perception process:

Something affects your senses

1

You interpret your sensation

2


Why not everyone assigns the same meaning to the same messages

Why not everyone assigns the same meaning to the same messages ?

PHYSICAL

DIFFERENCES

PAST

EXPERIENCES

PRESENT FEELINGS

AND

CIRCUMSTANCES


Physical differences

PHYSICAL DIFFERENCES

  • Although most of us have the use of all our senses, we don’t have exactly the same abilities.


Past experiences

PAST EXPERIENCES

Our past experience will influence how we accept or reject a message.

Past experiences may range from those that are considered general, or shared by many people you know, to those that are unique, or shared by few people.


Present feelings and circumstances

PRESENT FEELINGS AND CIRCUMSTANCES

  • Emotions

  • Health

  • Various concerns

    Factors in how we listen


B the context

B. THE CONTEXT

  • Context background of a message that throws lights on the meaning of the words.

  • Good listeners are like good detectives. They put pieces of a puzzle together to get the whole story


1 the occasion

1. THE OCCASION

  • An occasion or an event calls for certain type of communications. People tailor their conversation to certain occasions.


2 the verbal nonverbal communication

2. THE VERBAL/NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

  • Think of the many meanings that you could give to the short sentence, “I will send the flowers.” depending on which word gets the emphasize

    • “I”  not you

    • “will”  I didn’t do it yet

    • ……

  • Although words are valuable source of meaning, the nonverbal cues help to put them in context.


3 the setting

3.THE SETTING

  • The size, privacy, and comfort of a place may affect e speaker’s message as well as the listener’s effectiveness in hearing it.

  • The time of day, or the amount of time available, often influence what someone says, or how someone says it.

  • Effective listeners consider place and time when interpreting a message.


4 the person

4. THE PERSON

  • When you know people well, you are more likely to interpret their messages accurately

  • The more a listener knows about a speaker, the easier it is to put the speaker’s remarks in context.


C barriers to listening

We have barriers in all aspect of life as well as in communication and accordingly in listening.

C.BARRIERS TO LISTENING


1 external distractions

1. EXTERNAL DISTRACTIONS

  • Situations in the environment that keeps you from paying attention to the speaker.

    Temporary

    Permanent


2 in ternal distractions

2. INTERNAL DISTRACTIONS

  • Your own worries, excitements and even physical state will distract you from listening.

  • If possible, it is suggested to take precautions in advance.


3 conflicting demands

3. CONFLICTING DEMANDS

  • There aretimes when you are trying to do too many things at once, so you cannot listen carefully.

  • Think that you are watching a program on TV while your mother trying to tell you her problems. How effectively can you listen to her?


4 the speaker s credibility

4. THE SPEAKER’S CREDIBILITY

  • Crediblity refers to how believable the speaker is to you.


5 the speaker s style

5. THE SPEAKER’S STYLE

  • Style refers to the speaker’s appearence, manner of speaking, and ability to relate to the listener.

  • If the speaker has worn big earrings or if he is keeping on playing his fingers, these may tend to distract the listener.


6 your lack of information

6.YOUR LACK OF INFORMATION

  • It is hard to try to interpret what the speaker is saying if the person doesn’t useverbal/nonverbal symbols you are familiar with.


7 your personal biases

7. YOUR PERSONAL BIASES

  • Our beliefs and attitudes generally creates a barrier toward certain subjects.

  • This occur when the subject is uninteresting to us, sensitive, political, etc…Or when the speaker and we have the opposite ideas.


8 your desire to talk

8. YOUR DESIRE TO TALK

  • Most people would rather talk than listen, especially if they have to listen carefully.

  • They should learn the value of controlling their talking. Paraphrasing is a technique that can be used in this situations.


Listening for basic information

LISTENING FOR BASIC INFORMATION

“Nature has given us one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.”

Epictetus


Listening for basic information1

LISTENING FOR BASIC INFORMATION

Making things memorable

Using thinking strategies

Following directions

M. Nihan BOZDOĞAN


Listening for basic information2

Listening For Basic Information

Everyone has some difficulty getting basic

information. To show how to increase your

ability to get basic information, we will look at

the following areas:

Making things memorable

Using thinking strategies

Following directions


Making things memorable

Making things memorable

What makes you sit up and take special notice

even if the speaker is not very interesting?

When we examine the parts of the MTM (making

things memoable) model, we are looking at:

(1) change, (2) novelty, (3) repetition,

(4) application, and (5) thought speed.


Making things memorable1

Making things memorable

What makes you pay special attention to the

speaker? He or she makes something different

happen. Something changes.

Change


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Making things memorable

Novelty

One can make things memorable through

novelty.Novelty is unique to each situation.

Someone may dress in a dramatic way, make

outrageous comments or sing in the middle of

the presentation.

Although novelty involves personal risk, it will

force listeners to pay attention.

Novelty must be used only once in a while,

or it loses its effectiveness.


Making things memorable2

Making things memorable

Repetition

If information is repeated a

number of times, you are more

likely to remember it than if you

only hear it once.

From introductions to full-fledged

political speeches, repetition sends

the signal – important!


Making things memorable3

Making things memorable

Application involves “making it your own.

You as a listener ask and answer the questions

“So what?” and “How does it relate to me?”.

If you can apply information to yourself, you

are more likely to understand and use it.

Application


Making things memorable application

Making things memorable application


Making things memorable4

Making things memorable

Good listeners use their thought-speed advantage

in order to make things memorable. When

listening to basic information, these listeners are

saying to themselves:

“Did I get it?”

“What can I do with it?”

“What else might I need to know?”

Thought speed


Using thinking strategies

Using thinking strategies

Although not all good listeners use the same

methods, they all have some thinking

strategies to help them get the information

they need.

Let’s look at the example and see how

listeners might work with them.


Using thinking strategies1

Using thinking strategies

Directions

“When you go to the store remember to bring home:

  • A bag of white beans,

  • A half gallon of strawberry ice-cream,

  • A gallon of milk,

  • A pound of butter,

  • A loaf of bread.”

Example:


Using thinking strategies2

Using thinking strategies

Let’s see how three listeners might remember that list.

Listener 1

“The way I would go about remembering that would be

to picture a hill of beans with an upside down

strawberry ice cream cone melting on top into rivers of

milk and butter coming down the sides. I would sit it

all on a piece of bread.”

Example (cont.):


Using thinking strategies3

Using thinking strategies

Listener 2

“I would remember this by three Bs- beans,

bread, butter, plus milk and ice cream.”

Listener 3

“I would remember this by picturing myself

walking through the grocery store where I

always shop.

Example (cont.):


Using thinking strategies4

Using thinking strategies

There are five different thinking

strategies people use to listen and to

remember:

visualization

association

memory magic

chunking

focusing


Using thinking strategies5

Using thinking strategies

Visualization

Some people learn to visualize or create mental

pictures to help them retain information. The person

who istened to the grocery list and pictured the ice

cream melting on the beans was visualizing.


Using thinking strategies6

Using thinking strategies

Listeners that use this technique try to create a connection

between the new information or idea and something

familiar.

Association


Using thinking strategies7

Using thinking strategies

Memory magic involves quickly finding a “gimmick” to

help you recreate the important points at a later time.

“3Bs” in the previous example , “5Cs” in Finance …

“Hergele Necmi Arsız Karısını Kesip Rendeledi” in Chemistry …

“SWOT” in Business Administration…

Memory Magic


Using thinking strategies8

Using thinking strategies

Chunking

Chunking involves listening and

sorting things into large sections or

“chunks” for easier recall.

The speaker may provide major

points or headings. Often the listener

has to create order from a large set of

information.


Using thinking strategies9

Using thinking strategies

Focusing implies identifying what is most important

for you as a listener and working hard to remember

that most important part.

Focusing


Using thinking strategies focusing

Using thinking strategies focusing


Following directions

Following directions

When following directions the listener can use

many of the techniques we examined before.

(visualization, association… etc)

Yet, listening to directions can be more difficult

than other types.


Following directions1

Following directions

It takes some extra techniques.

These are:

Predicting pitfalls

Questioning for problem spots

Repeating the highlights


Following directions2

Following directions

Predicting pitfalls

unfamiliar language:

A careful listener will ask

“What does ____ mean?”

when following directions

depends upon understanding

a word or phrase that is

unfamiliar.


Following directions3

Following directions

clarity:

Whereas the language issue rises the question, “What

does ____ mean?”, the issue of clarity requires another question, namely “What do you mean by __ when you use the word?”


Following directions4

Following directions

Good listeners usually ask speakers to tell them what

might be problem spots in the directions. Questions

that produce additional needed information to the

listener are such as;

“What problems might I run into using

these directions?”

“Are there any tricky parts in these directions?”

Questioning for problem spots


Following directions5

Following directions

Very often a good listener will repeat back the

important parts of a set of directions in order

to check out the accuracy of the message.

This technique gives the highlights but it also

gives the speaker a chance to correct or clarify

something that is incorrect or vogue.

Repeating the highlights


Listening for structure

LISTENING FOR STRUCTURE

“My assignment is to talk to you for a while, and yours is to listen to me. I trust we will both finish our work at the same time.”

Adlai Stevenson


Listening for structure1

LISTENING FOR STRUCTURE

Finding main pointes

Supporting material

Organizational pattern

More organizational clues

Mahmut ŞAHİN


Listening for structure2

LISTENING FOR STRUCTURE

  • In order to see how effective listeners look at structures, we will examine the following areas:

    • finding main points

    • recognizing organizational patterns

    • finding additional organizational clues


Finding main points

Finding main points

  • Sometimes speakers give you very clear indications of their main points. Other times you have to figure out what is important for yourself.

  • It is not easy to seperate main ideas from supporting ideas.

  • Usually the most important ideas are the main ideas. The other material is called supporting material, because it is used to backup the main points.


Supporting material

Supporting material

Types of supporting materials include:


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Supporting material

EXAMPLE:

“There have been many breakthroughs in science that help us lead healthy lives. One is the discovery of the benefits of fiber in foods. If you base your diet on high fiber foods, you can lose weight and gain another health benefits. Foods high in fiber include beans, bran cereals, cereal products, nuts and dried fruit. Many vegetables are relatively high in fiber. So eat your corn, carrots, broccoli, and greens. Eat to keep yourself happy.”


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Supporting material

Key ideas

  • We can talk about the main point in two ways: as the “key idea” when discussing conversational, informal statements and as the purpose statement when referring to a formal speech.

  • Which sentence provides a general sense of what this

    statement is about?

  • What key idea appears to be supported by statistics,

    quotes, examples?


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Supporting material

Purpose statements

  • The purpose statement in a speech is similar to the thesis statement found in an essay. The purpose statement provides the central idea that controls the shape of the speech.

  • Which sentence provide a general sense of what the purpose of this speech will be?

  • How is the purpose statement supported by questions, examples, quotations, statistics…etc?


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Organizational patterns

There are a number of common organizational patterns

that listeners need to be able to recognize. These include:


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Organizational patterns

Chronological order

  • Placing the points of the speech into a time pattern.

  • This time-oriented pattern is easy to follow because you are able to see the logical movement through a chronological order.

    “the history of airtravel”

    “the past and future of the Olympics”

    “For the next few minutes I would like to describe

    the seven days of the Outward Bound program that

    you will attend.”


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Organizational patterns

Spatial order

  • Organizing information based on the physical relationship of people, places, or objects.

  • You may realize that a speaker is talking about experiences or people in one place and then moving on to another place.

    “historcal sites in Turkiye”

    “the neighborhoods of Malatya”

    “As an exchange student I had the opportunity to live for three

    months in three different cities, Munich, Hamburg, and Berlin.

    Let me tell you a little each of them.”


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Organizational patterns

Topical order

  • Dividing a whole topic into natural parts. Any point

    could be first or last.

    “types of video games”

    “the paintings of Picasso”

    “The success of this art center rests with three

    factors:faculty, facilities, and funding. We need to

    look at each of these in depth.”


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Organizational patterns

Process order

“the making of music videos”

“creating home made pizza”

“If you want to become a naturalized

citizen, you must go thruough a very

specific set of procedures. It will save

you a lot of time to do this paperwork

in the right order.”


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Organizational patterns

Problem-solution order

  • Organizing information around two major areas: problems and solutions.

    “the rising national debt”

    “acid rain and pollution”

    “In order to reverse the pollution from acid

    rain, we need to understand the extend of the

    damage and to moount a three-pronged

    attack to prevent more extensive pollution.”


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Organizational patterns

Inductive order

Organizing facts or examples to build to a

conclusion.

“donating to local charities”

“raising salaries for educators”

“I would like you to picture a number of prison

situations with me and then decide what might or

should be done about them.”


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Organizational patterns

Motivated sequence order

Specific pattern for persuasive speeches

developed by the late Alan Monroe, proffesor at

Purdue University.

There are five steps to this pattern:(1)attention,

(2)need, (3)satisfaction, (4)visualization, and

(5)action.


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

Organizational patterns

Motivated sequence order

The speaker tries to get the listeners’ attention

and to describe some problem or situation that

needs to be changed.

“teenage unemployment”

“cost of medical care”

“I’ll give some shocking statistics about child abuse, describe the

problem in our city, point out new directions, describe the

benefits of these directions and ask for your support in my fight

for children’s lives.”


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

More organizational clues

Transitions

Transitions are those words or phrases that

form bridges or links between one idea and

another.

meanwhile, first-second, also, next, on the contrary,

moreover, finally, because, since, similarly, in the

second place…etc


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

More organizational clues

Repetition

As a listener, you have to pay close attention

for the speaker’s repetition, which tells you

the main ideas and order of the speech.

(I) “…Disney World is a whole recreational park. I’ll talk about the areas I find most exciting, the Magic Kingdom, Epcot Center, and the River area.”

(C)“…So the next time you get to Florida, do spend a few days at Disney World and be sure to see my favourite places, the Magic Kingdom, Epcot Center, and the River area.”


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

More organizational clues

Predictions

By predicting the important points, the speaker allows

the listener to sort out what is important from what is

unimportant.

“I’ll be describing Vincent Van Gogh’s childhood, and I want you

to listen for those things that might have influenced his painting.”


Listening to feelings

LISTENING TO FEELINGS

Sharing Feelings

Listening Between the Words

Listening Response Styles

Reflective Listening

CANAN KARATAŞ


Listening to feelings1

LISTENING TO FEELINGS

  • Listening is usually defined as a “5E” process involving your ears, eyes, experience, examination and effort.

  • We can add one more “E” for empathy. This involves listening to another person by putting yourself in his or her shoes-by being sensitive to that person’s thoughts and feelings.


Sharing feelings

Sharing Feelings

  • As an empathic listener you are able to share the feelings of another because you recognize your own feelings and you can recognize messages containing feelings.

  • People cloak their feelings in statements such as “I think…” or “I believe…”.For example; Instead of saying “I am angry…” a person may say “I think you made a big mistake.”


Listening between the words

Listening Between the Words

  • Hearing what is inferred but not actually said


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

  • Many people do not say what they mean, particularly when they are talking about feelings-especially negative ones. As a listener, you hear a hint or part of what is in the speaker’s mind. But you do not get the whole story directly.


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

  • How might you interpret the following statement by a friend?

    “I am certainly not up for spending Thanksgiving at my father and step-mother’s. I wish the day would just disappear.”


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

  • Depending on your knowledge ofthe context of this person, you may interpret the underlying feelings as:

  • “I am jealous of my father’s time with his new wife”

  • “I feel guilty leaving my mother on Thanks giving”

  • “I feel uncomfortable in their house. I just don’t fit in.”

  • “I feel sad not spending Thanksgiving with my mother.”

  • “I feel upset watching Dad relate to this new woman.”


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

  • You must listen for deeper meanings.

  • Listen for the paralanguage elements of speech.

  • How something is said rather than what is said.

  • Aspects of verbal communication unrelated to the words used.


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

  • When listening between the words, use the advice of a wise person who says:

    “Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying

    So when I’m going through routine

    Do not be fooled by what I’m saying.”


Listening response styles

Listening Response Styles

If someone shares feelings with you, do you have a predictable response?

Could you describe the ways in which you respond to feeling statements?

  • The same feeling statement may receive very different responses from various listeners.

  • Different responses can change the future direction of the conversation.


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

  • “Wow, after all these years of pharmacy

    school, I thought it was guaranteed that I

    could get a job right after graduation. I’ve

    been looking everywhere for a position,

    but I can’t find one. My parents always

    told me that after I graduated they

    wouldn’t support me anymore. With

    graduation coming up next month, I’m

    totally overwhelmed.”


5 listening response styles

5 listening response styles

  • Judgmental Response: “Everyone who really

    wants a job badly enough can get one, even ifyou haveto work at a fast-food place for a whileuntil you get something in your field.”

  • Advice-Giving Response: “Network with last

    year’s alumni, look for the postings by thestudent lounge and call the hospital’semployment office.”


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

  • Quizzing Response: “Have you asked all yourprofessors?Have you looked in the newspaper?Did you go to the career placement office?

  • Placating Response: “Oh, don’t worry so much,I’m suresomething will turn up soon and thenyou’ll laugh when you look back and see howsilly you were to get so worked up.”

  • Empathic Response: “Wow, withgraduation right around the corner andfeeling as though you can’t turn to yourparents one more time for help, you soundpretty worry.”


Reflective listening

Reflective Listening

  • Reflective listening involves giving feedback to a speaker on what you are hearing in terms of feelings and content.

  • Reflective listening encourages the speaker to go deeper into the situation. It does not move the speaker on to new directions.

  • When you listen reflectively ,you are not taking charge of the conversation. Rather you are letting the speaker determine the flow of the conversation.


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

  • An example to an reflective listening:

    Speaker: “This is a stupid assignment. Why should we have to do an analysis on the Civil War and have to use all those resources. It is due next Monday and I don’t care. It is stupid.”

    Listener: “You are angry with the assignment and the timeschedule.”

    Speaker: “You bet I am. I don’t have 20 hours this weekend to do a paper.”

    Listener: “This is going to mess up your weekend.”

    Speaker: “It sure will. I don’t read as fast as other people, and it will take me eight hours just to read to book. And then ! Have got to write the analysis.I hate it that it takes me so long.”


The technique of reflection

The technique of reflection

  • In reflection, the listener tries to clarify and restate what the other person is saying. This can have a threefold advantage:

    • it can increase the listener's understanding of the other person;

    • it can help the other to clarify their thoughts; and

    • it can reassure the other that someone is willing to attend to his or her point of view and wants to help.


Some principles of reflective listening

Some principles of reflective listening

  • More listening than talking

  • Responding to what is personal rather than to what is impersonal, distant, or abstract.

  • Restating and clarifying what the other has said, not asking questions or telling what the listener feels, believes, or wants.

  • Trying to understand the feelings contained in what the other is saying, not just the facts or ideas.

  • Working to develop the best possible sense of the other's frame of reference while avoiding the temptation to respond from the listener's frame of reference.

  • Responding with acceptance and empathy, not with indifference, cold objectivity, or fake concern.


The choices made by the reflective listener

The Choices Made by the Reflective Listener


Rules for active listening

Rules for Active Listening

The goal of active listening is for you to hear and understand other people - their words, thoughts, and feelings; to let them know you have heard and understood them, and to go beyond their stated positions and assertions. 

You are best positioned to change someone's mind after you have listened to that person.  People tend to close down and stick to their position until they feel heard.

Acknowledge others' motivations, feelings, and point of view, even when you don't agree with what they are saying.  Your goal is to understand the message, not judge the veracity  of what they say. 

Talk about things they have said that you can agree with.  Focus on shared viewpoints as a way of building common ground. 


Active listening 0b 0bwhy and how 3f

When listening, resist the urge to defend yourself or to disprove what the other person is saying. 

Listen more than you talk. 

Listening gives you the advantage.  The better your understanding, the more flexibility and creativity you'll have as you create options.  Talking gives this advantage to the other side. 

Find your own listening style. 

Don't use active listening when you're unwilling to put aside your point of view.  Forced responses that feign interest are worse than no responses at all.  People will see through your act.  Hostility, instead of communication, will result. 


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