Communicating In The 21 st Century: How Do You Know If You Are Effective?

1. Communicating In The 21st Century: How Do You Know If You Are Effective? • Mark Krawczyk

2. Communication – Defined • “…an exchange of thoughts, messages, or information as by speech, signals, writing or behavior…” • “…a system for sending and receiving messages, as by telephone, telegraph, radio, etc….” • OR COULD IT BE SO SIMPLE AS • Saying what you mean and meaning what you say (no matter how you choose to “say” it)?

3. Why Do We Communicate? • Just a few reasons: • To share or gain information • To express a wide range of emotions • To provide a means of dealing with difficult individuals as well as pleasant folks • To get directions • To satisfy a human need for acceptance • To express your opinion (wanted or not!!)

4. Where Do We Communicate? • To name a few places: • At home • On the job • In the neighborhood • At conferences (like this one) • At the doctor’s office • On the commuter train / in the car pool • At the beauty salon or barber shop • At city council meetings

5. The 55%, 38%, 7% Rule • This rule states that 55% of the meaning of communication is body language, 38% is tonality and 7% is in the words themselves. • How many people agree with this “rule”? NOT ME!!!

6. Communication Style • Your communication style depends upon a number of factors: • Personal history • Personality type • Ethnicity/Nationality • Race • Gender • Generation/Era

7. More on How We Communicate • Some ways we all communicate: • Via handshakes • With eye contact • Using “body” language/positioning • By utilizing “proxemics” (the study of “personal” space) • With the spoken word • With the written word

8. The Handshake • Seven secrets to communicating effectively by just shaking somebody’s hand: • Start with eye contact and smile • Open hand • Firm, not strong • Up and down, not back and forth • Appropriate duration • Maybe use both hands • Close with eye contact and a smile

9. With Eye Contact • Eye contact, properly used, is a powerful aid in communicating effectively • Cuts physical distance in half • Helps you to connect with others on a more personal, intimate level • Is an inviting mechanism for audience members to join in your presentation • Allows you to gauge the reaction to your talk • Stops hecklers from pestering you

10. With Body Language/Positioning • Aggressive non-verbal (angry) cues perhaps: • Finger pointing • Glaring • Arms crossed tightly • Widening of stance • Putting your hands on hips • Clenching your fingers into a fist • Increasing the volume of your voice

11. With Body Language/Positioning • How to defuse the aggressive non-verbal (angry) cues: • Open palms • Triangle body positioning • Looking down • Decrease voice volume • Head tilting • With an understanding of “proxemics”

12. What is Proxemics? • Proxemics is the study of personal space and territory – a zone of psychological comfort • What is our/your comfort zone? • 0 – 18 inches is an intimate distance • 18 inches – 4 feet is personal distance • 4 feet to 12 feet is social distance • More than 12 feet is public distance

13. What About Personal Space? • When your personal space is violated you more than likely feel threatened • Proximity separates the strong from the weak • An inanimate object between two people is an indication of defensiveness • Where should one sit when talking to another? • Side-by-side fosters cooperation • Opposite sides fosters competition • Sit at 90 degrees for good conversation

14. Communicating With the Spoken Word • When someone speaks, this implies someone else is listening. Let’s discuss some “sins” that get in the way of good verbal communication. • Filtering • Second guessing • Discounting • Relating • Rehearsing • Forecasting • Placating

15. More on Communicating With the Spoken Word • That old saying “talk is cheap…” is wrong – what we say does matter. So, with that in mind, here are some words to think about avoiding so as not to create defensive situations: • “you” • “but…” • “always” or “never” • “must” • “should” • “try”

16. The Spoken Word -Conversation Killers • It’s always easier to be aware of another person’s conversational mistakes than our own. These six bullet points are common mistakes that block conversation flow, create frustration and reduce understanding • Blabbermouthing • “Take away” and “me too” syndrome • Unsolicited advice • Interrupting • Contradicting • Being stingy with your contributions

17. Communicating With the Written WordE-Mail • Avoid these e-mail mistakes in your communication processes: • Omitting the subject line • Not making the subject line meaningful • Not personalizing your message • Not accounting for “tone” • Forgetting to check for spelling/grammar • Writing the great American novel • Forwarding e-mail without permission • Thinking no one else will ever see your e-mail • Leaving off your signature • Expecting an instant response • Not following the “trail” in a string of messages

18. Effective Workplace Communication • The four A’s of communication: • Attention – Eliminate (as much as one can) all the “noise” that distracts • Apprehension – Usually this means fear, but its primary meaning is understanding • Assimilation – The message has to not only be heard and understood, it must be accepted • Action – The final step in the communication process

19. Effective Communication Techniques • Listen actively • Be attentive • Be impartial • Reflect back • Summarize • Pay attention to your nonverbal message • Posture • Equal positioning • Facial expressions • Gestures

20. Effective Communication Techniques • Express thoughts and feelings • Be open and honest • Speak clearly • Speak with conviction • Communicate without being adversarial • Express concerns non-judgmentally • Use “I” messages