Leslea Helgeson S AFE H ARBOR OF S HEBOYGAN C OUNTY

1. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Leslea Helgeson SAFE HARBOROF SHEBOYGAN COUNTY

2. Transitional Services Education Financial Assistance Advocacy Safety Plans Support Legal Advocacy Children’s Program Support Groups Community Outreach Shelter Referrals 24 Hour Crisis Line and Crisis Intervention SAFE HARBOR SERVICES TO SURVIVORS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT

3. WHATIS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP? Based on Equality, Mutual Respect, Shared Responsibility, Commitment BUT WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE ? Not making excuses for you or your partner’s behaviors – admitting when you are wrong – keeping your word Knowing your partner likes you – Being okay with your partner having friends Wanting the best for your partner – Offering encouragement when necessary Paying attention to your partner – Valuing your partner’s opinion – listening to your partner Being able to express your feelings or opinions – knowing it’s okay to disagree Accepting change – being willing to compromise – agreeing to disagree Holding hands – asking before acting – respecting each other’s right to say no • HONESTY • TRUST • SUPPORT • RESPECT • OPEN COMMUNICATION • FAIRNESS • AFFECTION

4.  Wish for the other to grow and be happy •  Encourage other friends and separate activities •  Supportive ROMANTIC LOVE OBSESSIVE LOVE  Everything seems perfect  Exciting  Lots of special time together  Changes to nurturing or obsessive love over time  Belief that you cannot live without one another When not together, can feel as if they are losing the other person or that they do not care about them Risk for becoming abusive NURTURING LOVE WHAT KINDOF LOVE ARE YOU IN? What happens when one partner wants to break up in each of these types of love? Developed by: Nebraska Domestic Violence Sexual Assault Coalition

5. HEALTHY BOUNDRIES  Revealing yourself a little at a time, then checking to see how the other person responds to your sharing Noticing when someone else is displaying inappropriate behavior Clearly communicating your wants and needs Defining your truth as you see it Moving step by step into intimacy Maintaining personal values despite what others want You don’t need to be with your partner 24/7 Staying focused on your growth Trusting your own decisions

6. WHAT ARE SOME BEHAVIORS THAT GET IN THE WAY OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS? PEER PRESSURE SEXUAL HARRASSMENT PHYSICAL & SEXUAL ABUSE

7. PEER PRESSURE Joining a sports team because your friends are Not trying out for the school play because when you looked at the flyer, the “in crowd” gave you a funny look Refers to the influence exerted by a peer group in encouraging a person to change his or her attitudes, values, or behavior in order to conform to group norms. Source: Wikipedia Drug Use Sex Positive Peer Pressure Negative Peer Pressure Alcohol Theft Why is peer pressure so influential? Companionship Emotional Support Smoking Independence from Parents Daring Behavior Worthiness Sense of Belonging

8. PEER PRESSURE Know yourself and your values Be open with others about your values before pressured situations Be confident in yourself Confide in people who share your values Take pride in yourself and your decisions Realize the outcomes and consequences of poor peer pressure choices Learn to say No How to Combat Peer Pressure

9. SEXUAL HARRASSMENT 81% Or (8 OUT OF 10) STUDENTS WILL BE SEXUALL HARRASSED AT SOME TIME IN THEIR SCHOOL LIFE

10. SEXUAL HARRASSMENT • IS THIS BEHAVIOR: • Appropriate • Inappropriate but not Sexual Harassment • Sexual Harassment • Unsure

11. PHYSICAL ABUSE & SEXUAL ASSAULT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE STATISTICS An act of domestic violence occurs every 15 seconds in the US Only 1 out of 10 cases of domestic violence are reported In Sheboygan County, 413 cases have been referred to Victim Witness this year 70% of persons convicted of violent crimes come from violent homes Each day 4 people are killed by their partners

12. PHYSICAL ABUSE & SEXUAL ASSAULT SEXUAL ASSAULT STATISTICS One forcible rape occurs every 5 minutes in the US Over 84% of sexual assaults are unreported 9 out of 10 sexual assaults involve an acquaintance 1 in 4 females & 1 in 6 males are sexually assaulted during their lifetime

13. PHYSICAL ABUSE & SEXUAL ASSAULT Is it Abuse? Physical Abuse does not always cause injury of leave marks Pushing or shoving Being physically restrained Biting, scratching, burning or choking Pulling hair or ripping clothing Throwing objects at you Sexual Abuse in not just forced intercourse Calling you sexually –degrading names Insisting on touching you sexually when you did not want it Forcing you to perform sexual acts with others or to watch others Forcing you to perform sexual acts you did not want to perform Forcing you to pose for sexual photographs

14. PHYSICAL ABUSE & SEXUAL ASSAULT Signs someone you know might be being abused He or she seems afraid of her partner or is always very anxious to please him or her He or she has stopped seeing her friends or family, or cuts phone conversations short when her partner is in the room His or her partner often criticizes her or humiliates her in front of other people His or her partner often orders her about or makes all the decisions. He or she often talks about her partner’s‘ jealousy’, ‘bad temper’ or ‘possessiveness’ He or she has become anxious or depressed, has lost her confidence, or is unusually quiet He or she has physical injuries (bruises, broken bones, sprains, cuts etc). He or she may give unlikely explanations for physical injuries After he or she has left the relationship, their partner is constantly calling, harassing, following, coming to his or her house or waiting outside THESE ARE ONLY A FEW SIGNS. IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS IN AN ABUSIVE OR POTENTIALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, SAFE HARBOR CAN HELP.

15. QUESTIONS