Antonio Ferrandis PhD. in Social Education Head of the Adoption Team , Madrid ( Spain )

1. How to support and accompanyadoptedpeoplein thesearching of origins/reunionwithbiologicalfamily Antonio Ferrandis PhD. in Social Education Head of theAdoptionTeam, Madrid (Spain)

2. Somelessonswehavelearnedsince 2000 Thechange of visionaboutsecrecy and origins

3. CHANGES IN society • Adoption has lost the secrecy and shameful character that it had in the past • The question about origins is no longer considered a sign of adoption failure • Recognition of the "Right to know“ • From “No Talk About It” to “Unhealthy Curiosity”

4. ABOUT ADOPTEES • The question does not indicate dissatisfaction but search for identity • They need to overcome a conflict of loyalties • Diverse triggers for the search: couple, child, health, death ... • Need for a "biological mirror" • Sometimes they doubt about explanations and want to check out

5. Somedifficulties • Absence of legal and technical procedures • There are still adoptive families confused or silent • Families had difficulties for expression and adequate symbolization • Conflictive protection of the biological family privacy • Is there a right to know “everything”?

6. 7 stepsin thesearch of originsand Eventual reunion Some practical ideas to do your best

7. 1. PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE of theprogram • Potentially interested people must know about the existence of this service • To prevent that they try searches on their own (internet ...) or other private mediators (detectives, lawyers ...) that can be more harmful than beneficial • A certain presence in the media and Associations of Adoptees is useful

8. 2. Thereceipt of theasking • Only the adopted person can start the process • Deny other people's requests with sensitivity but firmness • In the case of minors, apart from requiring adult support, it is advisable to postpone the search • Do not make easy promises. From the beginning you must state that it is possible • to find no information • to find insufficient information • to find painful information

9. 3. Duringthesearch • Do not hurry. Hold several meetings to explore their questions and expectations. Sometimes they just want to know “why”, not “who”. • Help them to understand the historical and social context in which the adoption took place • Convince them to seek the support of parents or significant others. Recommend a support group if there is discomfort or suffering

10. 4. Sharingthe data • Be aware of the emotional intensity that can be produced • Filter previously the data: • to avoid untested information • to avoid exposing the privacy of other people • In addition to verbal information, also deliver written documents that they can keep

11. 5. theaskfor a reunion • It's not the most frequent. Do not suggest it or speed it up if they really do not want it • Make sure you know data to prepare them psychologically • Try to lower expectations: possibility of rejection, some risks, inappropriate expectations that the biological family could have (reincorporation… financial help…) and discuss possible answers • Make aware of risks / benefits of using social networks and other technologies

12. 6. Preparingthereunion • A mediator must contact confidentially with the biological family, prepare them and clear up their fears. Never seem to judge or reproach. Help them to remember and tell the truth as it was, without distorting the story. Falsehoods can be harmful. • Help the adoptee to understand that the story may be reworked, or hidden, and that it may be painful • Pre-exchange photos, letters, so that there is prior knowledge • If questionable practices are discovered, try to explain the context

13. 7. IF THERE IS REUNION • Be present at the beginning to establish the framing, make the mutual presentations and give explanations • Offer a neutral and professional environment for the first meeting instead of a natural space • Do not make plans in the first encounter • Have a meeting for listening about the experience and emotion, and offer psychological support if necessary

14. how to managethepast… I remember things halfway. Some memories are good, others are bad. Help me remember things that I am forgetting so that I can recompose the puzzle of my life. So I will know that my past is safe in your hands