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Use the Force, Luke!

Use the Force, Luke!. Managing Number One, First!. …and Staying Motivated to do the Job. Irving Plotkin Retired Jedi Knight. Charlie “Obie Won” Appelstein, MSW www.charliea.com

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Use the Force, Luke!

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  1. Use the Force, Luke! Managing Number One, First! …and Staying Motivated to do the Job Irving Plotkin Retired Jedi Knight Charlie “Obie Won” Appelstein, MSW www.charliea.com charlieap@comcast.net

  2. Understanding, Normalizing, and Learning from our Feelings Typical Feelings and/or Traps Influenced by: • Angry • Frustrated • Out-of-Control • Disgusted • Guilty • Sexual • Insecure • Afraid • 9. Overwhelmed • 10. Add your own Personal baggage, limited resources, quality and quantity of supervision & training, temperament, etc. All feelings are normal. Learn from them; they are diagnostic. Misbehavior is a coded message.

  3. “Check Your Baggage at the Door” This is a reflective questionnaire about who you are and why you’re here. No one will see this document but you. It is given to increase your self-awareness about past experiences and how they can influence present day decisions, practices, and attitude. Were you raised in a happy home? Did you receive enough attention from both parents? What kind of limit setting did your folks employ? (e.g. spanking, yelling, logical consequences, punishment, etc.) Were your parents physically affectionate to you? What kind of values were taught and modeled? Were there a lot of rules and structure in your home? Did your childhood experiences influence your decision to work with kids? What baggage should you check at the door? What should come through?

  4. The ObservingEgo “I’m REALLY ticked…I could just - it’s okay. Staycool…ALL feelings are normal. Learn from this. I’m suffering a bad self-esteem injury, but in a little while it will heal. Respondinstead of React. Use the Force, Betty! …I mean, Luke.” Lack of support leads to punitive actions Respond = The Golden Rule

  5. The Affect Scale Out of Control Adult’s affect Youth’s anger InControl Key: Establish inverse relationship As they get louder, you become more quiet

  6. Loss of Control The Affect Scale Feeling Zone Youth’s Anger Adult’s affect In control Inside the “feeling zone” there is room to model affect-laden content. Said in a controlled, but somewhat expressive manner: “John, I’m really upset about the choice you just made.” “Mary, I’m angry about that...” Key: If the youth escalates through the zone, the adult’s affect should grow more muted.

  7. Content vs. Message “You won’t be around next week?” 2 weeks later… “You…won’t be around next week.” Use “I” or “We” instead of “You” and start requests with “Please” and finish with “Thank you.” Proper language sends supportive messages. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Body Messages “C’mon dude…let’s get it done, and then we can boogey. NBD brother.” NBD = No Big Deal! vs. “You need to get it done now!” Speak to children and youth at eye level or below. Approach them in a calm manner. Be careful about your pace, posture, facial expression, hand movements and body position.

  8. The Eco Map Work Rate Your Level of Support Self Help Finances Therapy, AA, Etc. School (adult) Recreation Schools (kids) Community Orgs. Neighbors Religion Household Respons-- ibilities Me Support Quotient Couple or Signif. Other _____ Other family Members Health & Medical (kids) Health & Medical (adult) Friends Relatives Serious drain & lack of support Strong source of support +3 The SupportContinuum -3

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