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Criticism how to respond & how to cope. David Craigie Chartered Psychologist September 2013. Overview. How do we respond when criticised? Why do others criticise? Invited vs Uninvited criticism What is our conflict style? The psychology of our responses Resilience tips. Criticism.

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Criticism how to respond & how to cope

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Criticismhow to respond& how to cope

David Craigie

Chartered Psychologist

September 2013


Overview

  • How do we respond when criticised?

  • Why do others criticise?

  • Invited vs Uninvited criticism

  • What is our conflict style?

  • The psychology of our responses

  • Resilience tips


Criticism

How do you respond when criticised?


The “tennis” approach


The “kitchen roll” method


The “Sponge” approach


Why do people criticise?

  • Intellectual disagreement (perhaps lacking emotional awareness)

  • Something irritates (e.g. value clash)

  • Fear/Anxiety

  • Feel unheard

  • Feel better about self by putting others down


The context of criticism

Latin: criticusGreek: Kritikós

“to judge”

“to evaluate”

“to analyse”

“to discern”

“The Critic”

Tihanyi L. 1916


Invited Criticism

  • When seeking feedback, criticism can be invited and welcomed

  • Criticism can be constructive and positive

    “Plans fail for lack of counsel,but with many advisors they succeed.

    A person finds joy in giving an apt reply –and how good is a timely word!”

    (Proverbs 15:22-23)


Uninvited Criticism

  • Uninvited criticism hits us unexpectedly

  • Unexpected events usually encounter our emotions first and our rational mind later

  • How do you interpret the criticism?

  • Has your adrenaline system been activated?


Top Tips

  • Provide regular opportunity for people to give “invited feedback”

  • Seek out views and opinions with sincerity (not just to boost our self esteem!)

  • Use “If – Then” planning strategies


Understanding Conflict Styles

  • Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument

    (TKI)

Unassertive………………….……………Assertive

Uncooperative………………….……………Cooperative


The 5 conflict handling modes


Conflict style and criticism

  • When faced with criticism, our conflict styles can reveal much about how we deal with it…

  • Competers?

  • Collaborators?

  • Compromisers?

  • Avoiders?

  • Accommodators?


A psychological model

External event (trigger)

Unspoken rule activated

Emotional response

Thoughts

Behaviours

Physical Symptoms


The impact of rules

E.g. “I must always make people happy”

  • The accommodating style?

  • But what happens if…

    • Someone is upset by something I say?

    • Someone disagrees with my decision?

    • I accidentally offend someone?

    • Someone is suffering from depression?

    • Someone is grieving?


  • Conclusions

    Tips for developing resilience:

    • Look after your physical/mental health

    • Challenge your initial interpretation

    • Get advice from trusted friends/colleagues

    • Invite constructive comments

    • Be prepared with If – Then strategies

    • Seek out Professional Coaching


    Questions & Helpful Hints

    [email protected]

    www.craigiepartnership.co.uk

    www.edinburghcoachingservices.co.uk

    www.businessmattersedinburgh.com


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