How to Talk to your kids

How to Talk to your kids About the Birds and the bees (SEX!) Facilitated by Kim Brigham and ManyaGlavach

Sexuality is a beautiful gift from godYou can be the trusted expert to whom your child turns to find out god's truth about sexuality

Sex education in the family is less about giving biological information and more about shaping your child's moral characterThe earlier we start helping our children see themselves – including their sexuality – as God does, the stronger they will be entering the turbulent teenage years.

Why is it so difficult?

Opening the lines of communication

How young people handle sexuality in their teen years and beyond is a result of5 key areas of development:*needs*values*beliefs*Skills*supports

Needs • Strengthening your child's sexual character starts with nurturing a close parent-child relationship, assisting in the development of healthy friendships, and building hope for a meaningful future of personal significance. • Young people who are starved for love are more likely to seek having their needs met through sexual experimentation than kids who know they are loved.

Values • What are we teaching our children to value? • Are we letting the world teach them what to value?

beliefs • Many understand the core biological facts of sex, but do they also understand how God Himself looks at sex and where sexuality fits into what it means to be a Godly man or woman?

Skills • Are we giving our children the abilities to resist peer pressure, stand up for what is right, build meaningful relationships, and form loving relationships with adults?

Supports • Are we helping children grow in the right direction by keeping our relationships with them strong and loving? • Are we helping them plug into a strong faith community that encourages them to grow and stay close to Jesus? • Who are their friends and how well do you know them?

1 corinthians 6:19-20 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

Sexual curiosity starts at a very young age (and is very normal!)

Tips before talking *it's not one talk *it's not just about sex *address topics as the arise naturally *You are the best person to teach your child *You don't need to dump all the specifics at once *Don't overreact! *Don't make sex naughty *Ask, Listen . . . Repeat! *Let them know that they are loved!

Principles to Follow: • Teach your kids how to engage well with culture • Make sure your kids know no topic is off-limits • Be direct • You and your spouse need to be on the same page (model a loving marriage) • Be proactive (start early) • Don't rely on scare tactics • Emphasize that sex is good and beautiful and God's idea! • Be creatively discerning and keep the conversation going

Age by ageneed to know 2-3 year olds 3-4 year olds Begin to understand where babies come from They will not understand reproduction at this age, but simply that the baby grows in mommy's uterus God is the giver of good gifts – a baby being one of those gifts! • Know the correct words for body parts – penis and vagina • Understand that God loves the human body and called it "very good" (Genesis 1:31).

Age by ageneed to know 4-5 year olds 5-6 year olds Have a general idea of how babies are made "Mom and Dad made you" or "A tiny cell inside Dad called a sperm joined together with a tiny cell inside Mom called an egg." Psalm 139:14 "… I am fearfully and wonderfully made . . ." • Understand how a baby is born. Be literal. "When you were ready to be born, the uterus pushed you out through Mommy's vagina." • Understand that certain body parts are private.

Age by ageneed to know 6-7 years old 8-9 years old That sex is important, which your child has probably picked up from the media and her peers. Parents must inoculate children against the destructive messages of the world by deliberately exposing them through discussion. Be prepared to begin discussions on tough topics. • A basic understanding of intercourse. You can say, "God created male and female bodies to fit together like puzzle pieces. When the penis and the vagina fit together, sperm, like tadpoles, swim through the penis and up to the egg." Explain what you think about sex and relationships. • For instance: "Sex is one of the ways people show love for each other." • Beginning to understand the growth and change in boys and girls.

Age by ageneed to know 9-11 years old 12 years old By now, kids are formulating their own values, so check in every so often to provide a better context for the information your child's getting. Remind your child of God's view of sexuality and how this gift should be used. We must prepare them for the distorted way in which the world views sex. In depth pornography discussion Philippians 4:8 • Prepare your child for changes that happen during puberty. • Also be ready to discuss sex related topics your child sees in the news. • Be careful not to shelter them too much because that leaves them naïve and vulnerable. • A child this age can handle a basic explanation on just about any topic, including homosexuality, pornography, teenage pregnancy, abortion, AIDS, STDs, and rape.

What Girls need to know . . .What Boys need to know . . . Girls need to know about breast development, new hair growth and the reproductive cycle. The first menstrual period should be viewed in a positive light, as a passage into adulthood rather than a burden or a "curse of women." Boys should be aware that changes are on the horizon, such as deepening of the voice, enlargement of the genitals and new hair growth. They should also know about the likelihood that they will have an unexpected emission of seminal fluid during the night (the "wet dream"), and that this is not a sign of disease or moral failure.

Masturbation~don't panic~Normal~Encourage them to do it in a private place~Act of soothing, not to reach orgasm~If excessive, could be a sign of anxiety

Sexual Abuse*Tell them at a very young age that they have ownership over their bodies and no one should be touching them*1 out if 5 girls and 1 out of 20 boys is a victim of sexual abuse*warning signs of sexual abuse*If you suspect your child has been touched, talk to your pediatrician or school counselor

Porn Exposure PORNOGRAPHY With the average age of first exposure to pornography around 11 years old, (some studies show as young as 8 years old) kids are simply unprepared to distinguish the messages they encounter in porn. Without the knowledge or understanding of what a respectful, mutually-agreeable, intimate relationship is, pornography then becomes a major source for youth to learn about sex. “The ability to create a desire is God given. However, the desire we choose to feed is the one that grows.” 93% of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to Internet porn before the age of 18

Social Media • Social Media is teaching kids to play dress-up with their identity. • Snapchat, Instagram, Twitch, Discord, TikTok – beware!

Proverbs 22:6Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.

How to Talk to your kids