Foundations of Healthy Relationships

1. Foundations of Healthy Relationships Health Education

2. Personal Health Inventory Self-Inventory: Read each statement below and respond by writing yes, no or sometimes for each item. Write a yes only for items that you practice regularly. Save these responses. • I treat others with respect. • I am a team player. • I am a trustworthy individual. • I often use compromise to resolve differences. • I am willing to work at my relationships. • I communicate well with others. • I am a good listener. • I ask questions if I’m not sure what is being said. • I use eye contact when communicating with others. • I am aware of my own body language.

3. Think Quick ! • List 10 characteristics that you think are needed for a healthy relationship • Rank the characteristics in order of importance, and explain why you ranked each as you did.

4. Warm-Up Oct. 3rd • List 5 Character Traits Present in ALL healthy relationships • Trust • Honesty • Respect • Loyalty • Communication • Compromise

5. Healthy Relationships • Relationship • A bond or connection you have with other people • Relationships allow us to meet our needs to be: • LOVED • SAFE • SECURE • VALUED • RECOGNIZED

6. Healthy Relationships • All relationships have (+) and (-) effects on your health • Healthy Relationships demonstrate (+) effects on all areas of your health. • Healthy Relationships are based on: • What? • Shared values • Shared interests • Mutual respect

7. Healthy Relationships • Family Relationships • Immediate Family • Extended Family • How do healthy family relationships enhance all sides of your health Triangle? Teach values, manners and socialize you. Food, Clothing, Shelter Give you love, care and encouragement

8. Healthy Relationships • Friendship Relationships • Significant relationship between 2 people that is based on caring, trust and consideration • Friendships contribute to enhancing your health by: • Sharing similar values (M/E and Social) • Share hobbies and interests (Physical, Social, M/E) • Sharing friends (Social and M/E) • Positively influencing self-esteem and self-concept (M/E) • Helping to resist negative influences (Physical, M/E, Social)

9. Warm-Up Oct. 5th • Explain how healthy family relationships improve a persons: 1. physical 2.social 3.mental/emotional health • Social: Teach values, manners, socialize you • Mental/Emotional: Provide Love, Care, Encouragement • Physical: Provide Food Clothing, Shelter

10. Healthy Relationships • Friend or Acquaintance? • Acquaintance- relationship less intimate than friendship • Not as much caring, trust or consideration • Talk to less, do not share same information, do not turn to in time of need. • As teens, we see all people as a friend, however, is that true? Questions to Consider • Do you have more friends or acquaintances? Why? • What causes you to call someone a friend or acquaintance? • Create 2 lists: Benefits of spending time alone & with friends

11. Warm-Up Oct. 11th • “If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say?  And why are you waiting?” ~Stephen Levine

12. Healthy Relationships • Community Relationships • Citizenship • The way you conduct yourself as a member of the community • Work together to promote the safety and well-being of the entire community • Community Watch Donation Drives • Volunteer Programs Obey laws • Food Bank Golden Rule

13. Warm-Up : Oct. 6th Define Citizenship. What are 3 examples of ways that you can get involved with your community? Citizenship: The way we conduct ourselves as a member of the community. Volunteer Programs-School Clubs-Food Bank-Donations-Recycling-Golden Rule

14. Healthy Relationship Characteristics in Action Skit • Work in groups of 2 or 3 • Compare your lists that you created earlier • Choose the top 2 characteristics that you can all agree on • Prepare a skit that demonstrates those characteristics to promote a healthy relationship • Prepare a 2nd skit that demonstrates what happens to the healthy relationship when those characteristics are not present To Earn 10/10 Students Must: • Take Skit Seriously, should reflect REAL-WORLD Situations that could happen OR that you have been in. How do we react in a healthy way? Unhealthy? • Have 2 Character Traits Present • Each group member must have a role • The audience should be able to guess at least 1 character trait • Present 2 different skits. • 1 Healthy • 1 Unhealthy

15. Example Skit #1 : Healthy Relationship Character Traits: Trust and Honesty Skit 1 (Healthy Relationship) Scenario: Jill is at conditioning for soccer in August. The coach decided to have freshman vs sophomore vs junior vs senior relay races. He decided before the race started that no matter what, he would always declare the seniors the winners of each race. Jill, a freshman, became frustrated after losing the 3rd race in a row… Scene: Jill : This is BS! No matter what we do, were going to lose anyway. Coach Spudich is a jerk. Sarah: Ya, this is so unfair. Coach K: Excuse me, what did you say SARAH? Start running laps, now! *The freshman run laps for the rest of practice while the upper classman scrimmage. *At the end of practice coach Spudich approaches Sarah. Coach Spudich: Sarah, did you know that I work really hard planning every practice so we are ready for competition come game day? What was said and why did you say it? Sarah: I am sorry coach. I did not realize that Coach K heard me and I made a big mistake getting frustrated. I said that it was unfair to keep making us lose, you know we won the very first race? We really worked as a team to win. Coach Spudich: I like getting the fire lit under your butts, there are several freshman who are not hard workers like you are. I like players who always give their best. Some need that extra push. Sarah: Ok coach, Ill make sure to keep working hard.

16. Example Skit #2: Unhealthy Relationship Character Traits: Distrust and Dishonesty Skit 2 (Unhealthy Relationship) Scenario: Jill is at conditioning for soccer in August. The coach decided to have freshman vs sophomore vs junior vs senior relay races. He decided before the race started that no matter what, he would always declare the seniors the winners of each race. Jill, a freshman, became frustrated after losing the 3rd race in a row… Scene: Jill : This is BS! No matter what we do, were going to lose anyway. Coach Spudich is a jerk. Sarah: Ya, this is so unfair. Coach K: Excuse me, what did you say SARAH? Start running laps, now! *The freshman run laps for the rest of practice while the upper classman scrimmage. *At the end of practice coach Spudich approaches Sarah. Coach Spudich: Sarah, did you know that I work really hard planning every practice so we are ready for competition come game day? What was said and why did you say it? Sarah: I didn’t say anything. It was Jill who was making the rude comments, not me. You could try talking to her about it. Coach Spudich: Jill! Come over here please. Was it you who was complaining during our races? Jill: No. I didn’t say anything. Sarah is a liar.

17. Building Healthy Relationships & Communication

18. The 4 C’s to Building Healthy Relationships For a relationship to succeed and be healthy, the people involved need certain skills. 4 C’s Communication Cooperation Compromise Character C C C C

19. Warm-Up Oct. 15th • List the 4 C’s for building healthy relationships. • Define Communication. What are the 3 skills necessary for effective communication? 4C’s: Communication, Compromise, Cooperation, Character Communication: The way we send and receive messages 3 Skills: Speaking, Listening, Body Language

20. Communication Communication The way you send and receive messages from others What are some ways we communicate? Effective communication is a 2 way street There are 3 basic skills necessary for effective communication 1. Speaking 2. Listening Body Language http://www.ted.com/talks/clint_smith_the_danger_of_silence#t-32892 Cooperation Working with others to accomplish a goal

21. THE 7 DEADLY SINS OF SPEAKING • Gossip • Judging • Negativity • Complaining • Excuses • Lying • Dogmatism H.A.I.L. = To greet or acclaim enthusiastically. Honesty : Be clear and straight. Authenticity : Standing on Own Truth. Integrity : Be your Word. Love : Wish them Well. *It’s hard to judge someone when your wishing them well.

22. Nonviolent Communication • NVC: A way of communicating that leads us to give from the heart. We humans need to be reminded that we were always meant to RELATE to one another. • Speaking and listening in a way that connects us to ourselves and each other that allows our natural compassion to flourish. • NVC replaces habitual patterns of defending, withdrawing, or attacking in the face of judgement and criticism.

23. Communication that Blocks Compassion: • Moralistic Judgements: implying wrongness or badness on the part of people who do not harmonize with our values. • Analyzing others are actually expressions of our own needs and values. Judging others promotes violence. • Making Comparisons: Comparisons are a form of judgement, and can start to make people feel miserable. • Denial of Responsibility: We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel. Question to consider: How Do You Feel About Reality TV Shows??? “ People don’t watch these shows to engage with them in a genuine way, They watch so they can look down on people. I call it “ Masterpiece Stupidity.”-Quote from Magazine

24. Communication Styles 3 Communication Styles Passive (“Mrs. Go Along”) Inability or unwillingness to express thoughts/opinions Do not stand up for their beliefs Aggressive (“Mr. Pushy”) Always try to get their way Use bullying and intimidation Assertive (“Mr. and Mrs. Stand Up”) Express thoughts and feeling without hurting others However, they respect the thoughts of others

25. Compromise Compromise Giving up something so that all can reach a satisfying solution WIN-WIN SITUATION Involves a “give and take” which can strengthen relationships All must be satisfied with the solution Do not give up your values or beliefs to compromise on a situation

26. Character in Relationships There are 6 major character traits present in all HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Trustworthiness Respect Responsibility Fairness Caring Citizenship What are you character strengths? Lets investigate further…. www.viacharacter.org Can you identify these Character Traits?

27. How to Resolve Conflicts • Conflict: Condition that exists any time 2 people disagree. • Conflict Resolution: Process of ending a conflict through cooperation and problem solving. • Steps for Conflict Resolution: Definitely Do’s 1. Get calm and think before you speak 2. Remember, tone of voice is essential! Speak in a calm voice 3. Ask questions to gather all the facts 4. Utilize Active Listening Technique! 5. Focus on the problem, not the person 6. Empathy Avoid: • Name calling • Clashing Egos • Blaming or threating comments- Use “I” Messages • Defensive body language

28. “I” vs. “You” messages I-messages simply state a problem, without blaming someone for it. This makes it easier for the other side to help solve the problem, without having to admit that they were wrong. Ex. "I felt let down," rather than "You broke your promise"

29. “I” vs. “You” messages

30. “I” Message vs. “You” Message

31. How to construct and “I” sentence I feel _________________________________ (say your feeling) when you _____________________________ (describe the action) because _______________________________ (say why the action connects toyour feeling)

32. Listening Skills Hearing is not listening!!! Active Listening Listening while involving yourself in the conversation The average listener retains and understands about 30% of what he/ she hears Paying careful attention without judging or interrupting 80% of our waking lives are spent hearing.

33. Techniques for Active Listening Restating Restate or summarize what the other person said Clarifying Ask questions to show your attention Encouragement Provide statement/gestures to encourage more conversation “I see”, “Un-Huh”, Head Nod Empathy Try to understand their feelings Put yourself in their shoes

34. Body Language Skills Body Language = Non-Verbal Communication The message you send to others based on the way your body looks. Eye contact Posture Gestures Behaviors As much as 65% of face - face communication is non - verbal

36. Technological Advances Cell Phones Snap Chat Face Time The “App” Generation E-mail Text Messaging Internet Chat rooms Facebook Twitter Instagram https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e80BbX05D7Y

37. Warm-Up #8 Feb. 9th Describe 3 ways that technology has improved the communication skills of todays youth and 3 ways it has hurt the communication skills of todays youth. Hurt: • Withdrawal from the physical world. Kids would rather be inside, secluded than outside exploring our natural world. • Information overload. With all the information we are able to access, many people are overstimulated by all the data. • Lack of face-to-face communication. Social anxiety as a result, eye contact & body language awareness decreases Improved: • Speed: Modern communication is handled by wireless signals, undersea cables, satellites and other advanced technology, ensuring the almost instantaneous delivery of messages and data to any location on the planet. • Accessibility: We are able to access a multitude of information at any time. • Connectedness: We are able to communicate with people from different cultures across the globe. Can maintain distance relationships

38. Warm-Up #7 Feb. 9th • List the 3 communication Styles • What are some tips to improve the way we communicate? • Define Compromise. • PASSIVE, AGGRESSIVE, ASSERTIVE • Speaking, Listening, Body Language • Giving up something so all can reach a satisfying solution.

39. Questions to Debate Has the advancement of technology improved or hurt the communication skills of today’s youth? Is e-mail an effective method of handling relationship issues? How about texting? Should teens be permitted to use online chat rooms or blogs?

40. Alright, So how do I start/maintain a conversation with a person I like? Say “Hello” and introduce yourself Learn about the persons interests/ Find Commonalities Talk about things you both can discuss Surrounding, School, Likes/Dislikes, Hypothetical Listen to the other persons responses Make “Eye Contact” but do not stare Use previously taught skills

41. Conversation Starters Focus on other person, not self Stay positive Avoid controversy (religion, politics, ect..) Examples: You look really nice, where did you get….(item) Have you seen any movie lately, what did you think? What kind of music/TV/activities do you like? What do you normally do for fun? Have you ever (activity) ….? Do you like sports (other topic)? Have you ever been to (Place)?

42. Constructive Feedback No one is perfect! Sometimes, people do things that you do not appreciate. Ex. Make you late for a movie Ex. Name calling or blaming. Constructive Feedback- non-hostile comments that points out problem and encourages improvement TIPS: “I” Messages, Tone, Body Language

43. Feedback Sandwich When giving Constructive Feedback, use this method to help communication with others. Step 1 (+)- Give compliment Step 2- Inform person of the problem in a non-threatening way Step 3 (+) - Offer steps for improvement

44. Character Essay Directions: Think about a relationship situation where you had the opportunity to demonstrate good character traits. Pick your top 3 character traits (Examples: respect, trust, honesty, loyalty, reliability) Each paragraph will demonstrate a different character trait. Write 3 paragraphs (5-6 sentences per paragraph) describing the situation and how you responded. What would have happened to your relationship if you had done something different (opposite)?