Good Grief!

1. Good Grief! By Shepherd Care Navigating through the process of Grief and Loss

2. What is Grief? In our lives facing the loss of our loved ones, co-workers, and customers will happen to each of us. We can also grieve over any type of loss. Here are some tools to help you deal with this crisis event. Each person is impacted by loss in a different way. Some losses are predictable and some are not. Grief is normal. If you experience grief that means that you are human and you care. Expressing your feelings in healthy ways is okay. Remember the positive and talk about the future.

3. More Thoughts on Grief • The closer the relationship, the greater the grief. • Grieving is especially hard for those that are insecure, dependent, anxious, depressed oralready living under stress. (See the Stress Management Presentation). • Grief can affect immune system, emotional, and physical health. • Grief is not a condition to simply put a band-aid on and it will go way in 3-5 days. It is a passage. You can get through it. You can get over it.

4. Living Skills, Part 1 Here are some basic life skills to help navigate through this valley: • Life Habits- hobbies, journal, relax, recovery time, breaks and time away from work, and developing a healthy attitude. • Prepare- talk about it before hand. In our lives we can expect that it will happen. • Core Beliefs- a recent study showed that turning to faith helped over 70% of people deal with grief. This provides hope. “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” Psalm 23:1

5. Living Skills, Part 2 • Environment- Caring for the Care Giver • Allow time to process grief (for you, family, and co-workers). Have Patience. • Rest and Sleep. • Support Groups- socialize, meals, listen, and a monitor network can be a support to make sure not get too heavy/ overwhelmed. • Purpose- once “acceptance” is realized then helping others through the grief process can provide further healing and meaning to our lives. “(God) who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” 2 Corinthians 1:4

6. Menu-Select Option • Go to Resources. • “Help! I’m Grieving Now!”

7. Resources • Denial (This isn't happening to me!) Send me to Denial Resources. • Anger (Why is this happening to me?) Send me to Anger Resources. • Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...) Send me to Bargaining Resources. • Depression (I don't care anymore) Send me to Depression Resources. • Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes) Send me to Acceptance Resources. • For More Information

8. Denial Resources, Part 1 • Seek counsel if you are overwhelmed with grief. • Have love and compassion, and try not to resent the inconvenience of the situation. • Practice Objective Decision Making- subjective means what is right for “me.” Objective means getting all of the facts and looking at how the situation affects everyone involved. • Realistic Expectations- this will help you deal with the good days and bad days. • Send me back to option to Select Resources.

9. Anger Resources, Part 1 • Do not transfer your frustration and rage. Do not share the pain- Share the load. Let it go. • Forgive. • The difficulties of life are intended to make us better – not bitter. • There are two ways of meeting difficulties: alter or change the difficulties, or alter yourself to meet the challenges. • What causes anger? We take things personally. We perceive someone’s actions as a personal affront. • What causes anger? We feel slighted or wronged. We get upset when others don’t see things our way. • Do not take it personally.

10. Anger Resources, Part 2 • What causes anger? We believe others are taking sides against us. We feel blamed or blame ourselves. We automatically react with the same attitude others are giving us. • Listen to others affected by the event for their take on the event. • Empathize. Seek First To Understand, Then to Be Understood. • Avoid the blame game. Apologizing for your part of the problem is acceptable. Blaming is different than acknowledging responsibility. • It is important for us to conduct ourselves with integrity in how we behave and act. • Send me back to option to Select Resources.

11. Bargaining Resources, Part 1 • In dealing with misplaced guilty feelings, please ask yourself: What you need to change what you are doing because the guilt feelings tell that you made a mistake? • In dealing with misplaced or guilty feelings, please ask yourself: If your guilty feelings are off base and cannot be resolved with your reality. • In dealing with misplaced guilty feelings, please ask yourself: Was there was really no alternative to what happened at the time? (Even if you realized you made a mistake, do you decide if you would be less likely in future to make such a mistake?) • Remember that guilty feelings most always soften with time. You have felt guilty before and you will surely feel guilty again because no one is perfect (but that is not an excuse for continuing inappropriate behavior or actions).

12. Bargaining Resources, Part 2 • Feeling shame or guilt in some situations is simply a form of life "dues" that you pay for being committed to being a good, caring sensitive person and for having ethics and empathy. • In dealing with misplaced guilty feelings, please ask yourself: What you need to change what you are doing because the guilt feelings tell that you made a mistake? • In dealing with misplaced or guilty feelings, please ask yourself: If your guilty feelings are off base and cannot be resolved with your reality. • In dealing with misplaced guilty feelings, please ask yourself: Was there was really no alternative to what happened at the time? (Even if you realized you made a mistake, do you decide if you would be less likely in future to make such a mistake?)

13. Bargaining Resources, Part 3 • Remember that guilty feelings most always soften with time. You have felt guilty before and you will surely feel guilty again because no one is perfect (but that is not an excuse for continuing inappropriate behavior or actions). • Sometimes counseling is necessary to resolve the feelings and effects of compound guilt. A Biblical faith perspective of having a right heart and right relationship with God is also very effective. • Send me back to option to Select Resources.

14. Depression Resources, Part 1 • Seek counsel if you are overwhelmed with grief. • Plant Good Seeds- we harvest what we plant. If we plant and nurture apple seeds, then they will grow into apple trees. Plant seeds of hope and purpose. • Make Good Choices- Our choices determine everything. We can choice healthy and positive outlets for our lives or make decisions that will continue to perpetuate the downward spiral or negative cycle. • Behave Appropriately- We can behave in acceptable manners that help alleviate our grief and stressful situations or our repetitive actions can keep our lives in bondage or even make our situation worse.

15. Depression Resources, Part 2 • What does depression feel like? A person feeling buried, burdened, chained, sad, introverted, frustrated, helplessness, powerless, and hopelessness. • Some steps that we can do to reverse the debilitating effects of depression: Magnify the Positive above the Negative- focus on the good in your life. • Some steps that we can do to reverse the debilitating effects of depression: Believe Only the Truth- throw away any lies. • Some steps that we can do to reverse the debilitating effects of depression: Family Time- spend frequent time around others who will build you up not tear you down.

16. Depression Resources, Part 3 • Some steps that we can do to reverse the debilitating effects of depression: Thought Life- if you find yourself thinking, dwelling, or imagining down darker paths- stop and take control. • Some steps that we can do to reverse the debilitating effects of depression: Ask for help! • Victory is obtainable if you are diligent and do not lose heart. Keep performing healthy steps until they are a discipline of these healthy habits. • Send me back to option to Select Resources.

17. Acceptance Resources, Part 1 • Practicing letting things go. • Remember the positive and talk about the future. • Do activities that cultivate inner peace. • Let it go! • Remember that death is a part of life. • Remember that your life must go on. • How you live your life can be a memorial to the life that has been ended. • Practice daily quality time.

18. Acceptance Resources, Part 2 • Develop a relationship with a spiritual leader or mentor. • Practice prayer or meditation techniques. • Purpose- once “acceptance” is realized then helping others through the grief process can provide further healing and meaning to our lives. • The necessity of living is required. Life must go on. • Step by step, keep moving forward is needed. The path is not always clear, but progress is important. • Look for flowers to smell.

19. Acceptance Resources, Part 3 • Have a reason to make it. We can live each day with purpose, to honor the life and memory of our departed loved one. • Prepare for our tomorrows. • The ultimate goal is for you to find yourself with increasing freedom so that you can, in turn, help others yourself. • Send me back to option to Select Resources.

20. I’m Grieving Now, Part 1 • Seek counsel if you are overwhelmed with grief, especially if you are feeling bogged down in the grief process. • The closer the relationship, the greater the grief. • Grieving is especially hard for those that are insecure, dependent, anxious, depressed or already living under stress. • Grief can affect the immune system, emotional, and physical health. • Life Habits- hobbies, journal, relax, recovery time, breaks and time away from work, and developing a healthy attitude.

21. I’m Grieving Now, Part 2 • Allow time to process grief (for you, family, and co-workers). Have Patience. • Rest and Sleep. • Prepare- talk about it before hand. In our lives we can expect that it will happen. • Core Beliefs- a recent study showed that turning to faith helped over 70% of people deal with grief. This provides hope. • Support Groups- socialize, meals, listen, and a monitor network can be a support to make sure not get too heavy/ overwhelmed. • Each person is impacted by loss in a different way. Some losses are predictable and some are not.

22. I’m Grieving Now, Part 3 • Grief is normal. If you experience grief that means that you are human and you care. • Expressing your feelings in healthy ways is okay. • Understanding the Situation- Gets the Facts- Understand the Health and Dynamics of the Situation. • Planning and Preparation- Make decisions early while you still can. Record the will and get family input on the future plans. This will make things easier than scrambling after-the-fact. • Physician Guidance- ask the doctors and nurses for their input. • Clergy Counsel- seek spiritual counsel during and after the loss.

23. I’m Grieving Now, Part 4 • Family Meetings- meet together often and try to make the decision as the consensus of the entire family. • Because we have a heart- we have the capacity to feel love and to receive love. And, we have the burden of care and grief. • Life happens! Life and death will happen whether we are ready or not. • Have room for flexibility in life to absorb, expand, and contract with life’s events. • Not all events can be anticipated, but many can be prepared for. It is our responsibility to prepare while we can. • Send me back to option to Select Resources.

24. For More Information • Contact Shepherd Care Visit: www.shepherdfiles.com • Talk to a Chaplain Email eric@shepherdfiles.com