Issues in Intimate Relationships

1. Issues in Intimate Relationships April 4, 2012

2. Lesson “Think” Question • What are some issues that affect couple relationships?

3. Intermarriage • Marriage between partners who are from different social, racial, religious, ethnic, or cultural backgrounds • Heterogamy – the opposite of social homogamy • Discuss • What issues might couples face if they intermarry? • Interracial couples, interethnic couples, interfaith couples • Think about values, norms, attitudes

4. Infidelity • Social norms in Canada define infidelity as unacceptable • Infidelity is legal grounds for divorce • 60% of men and 40% of women admit to having extramarital sex (informal survey) • Behaviour of unfaithful men & women is different • Men seek our sexual relationships • Women seek out emotional relationships

7. Theories of Infidelity • Evolutionary psychologists • men are biologically motivated to have as many sexual partners as possible to enhance his chance of having offspring • Women are more selective to improve the chances of having a partner to support the offspring • Nearness can also lead to infidelity – 50% of people who are unfaithful met the person at work (increased temptation) • Affairs represent immature moral behaviour in adults. • Individuals have affairs when their needs are not being met.

8. Consequences of Infidelity • Infidelity results in divorce 65% of the time • Counselling may help a couple to recover from an affair and negotiate a better relationship • In many cases, marriage cannot recover from infidelity because the trust within the relationship has been destroyed • The wronged party feels betrayed and humiliated • Very few people go on to marry their lovers

9. Violence in Relationships • Types of violence: physical, socio-emotional • Domestic Violence – Any action intended to physically hurt someone • Why violence? • Gender roles (history), learned behaviour, justifications • Cycle of Violence – Tension Building, Abusive Incident, Calm and Penance • Why don’t they just leave? • No money, too dangerous, no alternatives

10. Violence in Relationships (TED Talk) • Why is domestic violence not exclusively a “woman’s issue”? • What surprised you most about Leslie Morgan Steiner’s story? • Why don’t women leave their abusers?

11. Violence in Relationships • Steps in an abusive relationship: • 1.) Seduce & charm the victim • 2.) Isolate the victim • 3.) Introduce the threat of violence • 4.) Kill the victim

12. Violence in Relationships Key risk factors: • Unemployment • Bankruptcy • A drop in salary • Taking an additional job • Child support payments • A move to less expensive accommodations • Taking in a renter to make ends meet • A demotion at work or career setback • The rate of assault for men experiencing several of these events was 33 out of 100 men • Women are at the highest risk of violence when they are young, in a new marriage, pregnant, live in a low-income household, live with an unemployed man, or are thinking about ending their relationship

13. Divorce • Currently estimated, that 1 in 3 marriages will end in divorce • Top 5 reasons for divorces: • Different values and interests • Abuse: physical and emotional • Alcohol and drugs • Infidelity • Career-related conflict • Process: Awareness, Separation, Reorganization phase • Issues & impacts: Health, children, friends & family

14. Theories of Divorce • Emily Nett (1993): 2 categories of divorce • Marriage mistakes • Marriage failures • 17% of divorces that occur in the first five years of marriage reflect the basic incompatibility of couples • Couples who divorce later on have failed to adjust their relationship through critical transitions in their marriage

15. Theories of Divorce • Exchange theory: when the costs of the marriage are high, or the alternatives become more attractive than the marriage, individuals choose divorce • Women initiate divorce more often than men

16. Phases of Divorce • Awareness Phase • Couple initiates divorce; couple withdraws from the relationship; couple is aware they have problems • Separation Phase • The couple break off their marital system; settle child-custody and financial issues; notify friends & family; move into separate households; partners accept the economic realities of divorce • Reorganization Phase • The former couple establishes their separate lives and negotiate their new parental roles (if they have children)

17. Consequences of Divorce • Emotional • Loneliness, sadness, depression • Long-term, divorced individuals have 2x the rate of suicides, car accidents & physical illness and 6x the rate of psychological disorders • Economic • Reduced household income & lower standard of living • Women have a lower earning potential and are less likely to remarry, especially if they are older • Women with children suffer greatest financial difficulties

18. Marital Satisfaction (So what can we do?) • What brings you together will not keep you together • Capitalize on the positive • Remember the memory of the good experiences and how they felt • Sharing novel activities • Cooperation enhances interdependence

19. Predictors of Marital Success (Correlations) • Family background • People of divorced families are more likely divorce themselves in the future • Age • Couples who marry young experience higher divorce rates • Couples who marry later in life also experience a greater probability of divorce • Length of courtship • Longer periods of courtship are associated with a greater probability of marital success • Socioeconomic Status • Divorce rate is higher in the working and lower classes than in the upper and middle classes

20. Case Study • Read the case study “Peter and Jackie” in your textbook (pg. 274-275) and answer questions 1, 3 & 4. • Be prepared to share your answers with the class!