Communications and Conflict-Management, K. Knox 09. Ideas from Getting to Yes, Choosing Civility, Fierce Conversations, First Things First, Difficult Conversations, Verbal Judo Parts 1, 2, and 3. To a significant extent….
Ideas from Getting to Yes, Choosing Civility, Fierce Conversations, First Things First, Difficult Conversations, Verbal Judo
Parts 1, 2, and 3
“The conversation is the relationship. Incremental degradation is a compromise in authenticity in our conversations and it’s a slow and deadly slide” (FC)
Assignment: review handout onpositions
Assignment: use the DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS CHECKLIST to prepare for your next DC
“Are my truths and frustrations in my way?”
2. Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real
Know that “all conversations are with myself, and sometimes they involve other people.”
Know that the emotions roiling within you are how you are showing up to others.
“Mineral rights” evaluation sheet handout
Humans have a universal longing
to be known, and being known, to be loved
“I see you”
You must learn to rebuild the links that connect people and that provide an effective antidotes to cynicism and disaffection.
FOCUS without multitasking
Assignment: choose one of your challenging parents or students. Apply principle 3 in a conscious way. This will take more than one interaction. Write a journal entry about what you did and said and what’s happening.
“How’s your work going?”
“Everything working out?”
“That’s good—that’s what I like to hear. Have a good day!”
--Jump right in and offer suggestions or points
--Share stories about yourself (takes the focus onto you)
--Put so many pillows around a message that the message is lost all together and there is confusion (softening the message is just trying to protect ourselves)
--get into all sorts of birdwalks and extraneous details
--tell them right way, the rules they are violating; they know…
--don’t let your voice include anger or angst; you may induce profound indifference
Instead, Use the 60 second/7 question handout for review and practice
--This is where we are going; this is how we are going to get there; this is why we are going to get there
5. Let silence do the heavy lifting. Reflect on beliefs and paradigms; let others participate fully; scan your head for ground truths.
Don’t be guilty of:
--interrupting by talking over someone else
--formulating your own response while someone is talking
--responding quickly with little thought
--attempting to be funny, clever, charming, competent, impressive…
--jumping in with advice before an issue has been clarified
--talking in circles; nothing new emerging
--allowing cell or email interruptions
--cancelling an important meeting with a parent or student
--monopolizing the air space and/or talking too fast with “umms” to monopolize the air space. TALKING IS NOT CONVERSATION.
Use part 1 tools; use script phrases--debrief
Assignment: use the Confrontation Model handout