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Difficult Conversations: Tips for success Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013

Difficult Conversations: Tips for success Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013. “Crucial Conversations”. A discussion between two people where Stakes are high Opinions vary Emotions run strong Paterson, K., et. al., Crucial Conversations, 2011. “Difficult Conversations”.

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Difficult Conversations: Tips for success Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013

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  1. Difficult Conversations:Tips for successMaria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.PMarch 13, 2013

  2. “Crucial Conversations” • A discussion between two people where • Stakes are high • Opinions vary • Emotions run strong • Paterson, K., et. al., Crucial Conversations, 2011

  3. “Difficult Conversations” • A difficult conversation is anything you find hard to talk about • Stone D., et. al., Difficult Conversations

  4. Conversations are easy • When opinions are congruent • When delivering good news • When the stakes aren’t high

  5. Conversations are difficult • When behaviors need to improve • When disappointment is involved • When standards need to be enforced • When advocating for your own interests • When you have to say no but want to say yes • Or, when you have to say yes but want to say no

  6. Usual Approach to Difficult Conversations • Fight • Flight

  7. Steps for Success • Know your heart and stay focused on your goals • Foster open dialogue • Establish a mutual purpose • Work from facts and not from “stories”

  8. Know Your Heart • What are you trying to accomplish? • What is the real problem? • What do you really want? • Can you state your goal or the problem in one sentence?

  9. Foster Open Dialogue • No one likes to feel attacked • No one likes to be blindsided • Everyone wants to feel respected

  10. Mutual Purpose • What do you want to have happen with the relationship? • Where is there common ground? • Where are your goals and interests aligned?

  11. Work from Facts • Don’t assume • Don’t assign motivations

  12. Steps for Success • Don’t assume others know • Don’t be afraid of a “no” • And don’t put it off

  13. Set the Stage • Avoid unplanned encounters • Prepare and be prepared • Set the agenda or at least know it • Before opinions, give facts • Test the conclusions from the facts • Try for agreement • Test for understanding

  14. Set the Tone • How you start has a strong influence on whether you will be successful • A positive tone sets a positive climate for discussion

  15. When Confronting a Problem • Why would a reasonable, rational person do what the person did? • Try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes

  16. When Asking for Something • Anticipate his/her emotions • Anticipate his/her responses • Yes • Maybe • No • But don’t presume to know the answer • Be prepared for each response

  17. Why Things Go South • Something “pushes your buttons” • It is the last straw • You see villains • You feel victimized • You are ambivalent or feel guilty

  18. “The Energizer Bunny Approach” “Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty, and I’ll show you a man.” Erica Jong “Time wounds all heels.” Groucho Marx

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