Conflict (Chapter 13)

1. Conflict (Chapter 13) • “The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed. It is just these intense conflicts and their conflagration which are needed to produce valuable and lasting results.” - Carl Jung

2. Conflict • Disagreement between or among connected individuals such as friends, lovers, or family members. • Each person’s position and actions affect the other person.

3. Assertive Communication (Chapter 6) • Nonassertiveness • “You Win, I lose” • Aggressiveness • “I Win, You Lose” • Assertiveness • “I Win, You Win”

4. Nature of ConflictTrue or False? • If two people engage in relationship conflict, it means their relationship is in trouble. • Conflict hurts an interpersonal relationship. • Conflict is bad because it reveals our negative selves—for example, our pettiness, our need to be in control, our unreasonable expectations.

5. Inevitability • Conflict will occur in most relationships. • What matters for interpersonal communication is how you deal with it.

6. Nature of Conflict • If conflict is approached properly, it can actually help a relationship. • What is revealing is how you approach conflict.

7. Stages in Conflict Resolution

8. 1. Defining the Conflict • Content and Relationship issues • Specific Terms • Focus on Present • Empathize • Avoid Mind Reading

9. Avoid Gunnysacking • Comes from the large burlap bag called a gunnysack. • Storing up grievances from the past for use in future disputes.

10. 2. Examine Possible Solutions • Brainstorm solutions • Create an open, supportive environment • Look for win-win solutions (Assertive Communication)

11. 3. Test the Solution • Test solution mentally in present and future. • Test solution in practice.

12. 4. Evaluate the Solution • Use six thinking hats • Fact • Feeling • Negative Argument (Devil’s Advocate) • Positive Benefits • Creative New Idea • Control of Thinking

13. 5. Accept or Reject Solution • Make sure both communicators are satisfied. • Learn from the conflict • Keep the conflict in perspective • Attack negative feelings • Increase exchange of rewards and positive communication

14. Seven Unproductive Conflict Strategies (FAB VANS) • Forcers • Avoidance • Beltlining • Verbal Aggressiveness • Argumentativeness • Non-Negotiation • Silencers • What kind of communication is being used in these types (Assertive, Aggressive, or Passive)?

15. Forcers • Physically overpowering the other person, either by threat or actual behavior.

16. Avoidance • Taking or mental or physical flight from the conflict.

17. Beltlining • Arguing in an unfair way, “below the belt.” • Usually creates resentment and retaliation.

18. Verbal Aggressiveness • Attacking the other person’s self concept.

19. Argumentativeness • Willingness to argue for your point of view. But often without considering other’s feelings.

20. Non-Negotiation • Refusing to discuss the conflict, or listen to the other person.

21. Silencers • Tactic such as crying that literally silences the other person.